Unaware of privilege - end friendship?

[Selman]

I have one friend who is ridiculously well off, at least to me!
His parents owned a company they sold in the mid 2000s, no idea how much for but a good amount!
He has a house worth I'd say around 5 mil in London, 3 other properties he rents out, 2 holiday homes which sit effectively empty all year (all purchased with his parents money) and must take home around 200k a year. He has one child who he sends to a very expensive prep school, has a nanny for and spends thousands on her hobbies.
Tonight we were talking about politics etc. when a friend mentioned that he is extremely privileged. He became very defensive and disagreed as he works like everyone else and his daughter will have to as well (she will be gifted a 3 bedroom flat worth over 1mil and a trust fund).
He made a big deal about his parents not being very smart with the proceeds of the sale of their company in his opinion as "other than rental income" they don't have any real investments. He kept going on about how he HAS to work. When it was pointed out if he sold his house and moved into a perfectly lovely 1mil house he wouldn't have to work he got more defensive.
Now generally I don't care how well off or not someone is, I have friends from every background and as long as they are a decent person I couldn't care less about income.
Now I'm thinking - he is a twat! I don't care about how much he has as long as he knows he's privileged and I genuinely think he views him self as an average joe putting in the graft to get by when the reality is he's ridiculously well off and must own nearly 10mil in property!!
AIBU to end a friendship over this and tell him exactly why?!

That comment was intended to make him feel uncomfortable, wasn't it? In "normal" friendship group one would not put that question out.

I am old, I have richer friends and poorer friends. If you want to stay friends that's fine but if you run out of steam and want to move on then that is fine too. One cannot keep up with everyone, choices need making. Don't judge others and don't judge yourself harshly either. Just do what it takes to get by in this tricky world. It's worth hanging on to folk who can be bothered though, lots cannot. Simple x

What has money got to do with friendship? How he sees it , how you see it is each if you prerogatives. If you cant hit common grounhd is it a friendship anyway.?

Exactly this. Perhaps this friend is privileged, most of us in the first world are, but everything is relative and IMO what's more important is being a decent person. There's lots of wealthy privileged people who have no awareness of their privilege and who treat other people as lesser if they're not as fortunate. On the flip side, there are also wealthy, privileged people who are very conscious and aware of that and who use their privilege and wealth to help others and make the world a better place (granted they're probably a minority). Surely you can still be friends with someone from a different class/background as long as your values are similar ? I think it's when your values completely diverge and you realise someone is not the person you thought they were, that it can be difficult to maintain a friendship or relationship....not impossible though with a little bit of tolerance and understanding.Maybe you could help your friend to realise how privileged they are and encourage them to help others less fortunate?

I wouldn't fall out over this. This is his opinion. You also have your opinion. It's a non issue x

his wealth or lack there of it is none of anyone’s business!

ive been unemployed since September— should i be defriended??

Who are you to tell him what he is and how to live?

If he does have a lot of money/assets, he probably socialises with people who have a lot more assets, who have bigger homes, cars, boats, or easy entry into top restaurants/shows, spend thousands on an outfit, etc.

It's all relative.

He might think if his parents had been smarter, he'd never have to have a job.

Everyone in the UK incredibly privileged - of any race, gender or income - if you want to compare yourself to someone else in another country.

So it sounds like you had more of an argument than a debate.

He wouldn't accept your point of view. You don't know how hard he's worked or what his challenges have been or what his aspirations are.

But you're honestly going to end a friendship because you have different interpretations of the word "privileged"???

Did you admit during the argument that you were privileged?

Its obviously important to your friends self esteem to believe he has and is working hard for what he has. Otherwise you're quite right, he'd jack the job in and live off his privilege. If he's a decent enough person, and not one of these who goes round spouting about disadvantaged people not working hard enough, if he's kind, generous and puts something back into the world that's been so good to him...well I'd allow him his delusion, as its not hurting anyone. (Which is more than can be said of his excess properties, but that's another topic!)
Most people have a need to feel they are making a contribution, are achieving something to make their life feel like it means something, I'd give him that if he were a decent person.

You sound like a jealous jerk. It’s none of your business about how much money he has. Wealth brings unseen problems too - like having to deal with jealous fools

It's called the politics of envy, there's going to be a lot of it in the next few weeks.

The council tax, insurance, maintenance etc bills on these properties must be eyewatering. People tend to forget about all the hidden extras of property ownership.

“I have one friend who is well off”… I can see why it’s only one…

I am getting so bored of this privilege nonsense. There is always someone better and worse off than you, whilst you are still breathing at least. I think you should walk away from the person you refer to as a friend and choose friends who are less fortunate than yourself in every respect and then you can practice being smugly aware of your privilege - I'm sure you'll be much happier as will your "friend".

This reminds me of my mother complaining that she needed to organise five separate kennel stays for her dogs throughout the year as she has so many holidays to go on . Meanwhile I’ve not been on one in 4 years. 🙄, she does my nut in

Think it’s a shame that someone who has more money than someone else could have a friendship bought to an abrupt end just because he maintains the belief that he works hard and feels like he has to keep working for financial security. People are always looking for a reason to “cancel” people these days, I could understand if this friend was making racist or sexist comments, or had committed an actual crime, those type of things are of course a valid reason to end a friendship. The fact that you’re willing to end a friendship over just the fact that he has more money than you and believes that he works hard and couldn’t give up work smacks of jealousy and he’d be better off by the sounds of it.

And what would him admitting he has “privilege” do other than allow you to feel morally superior?

Wow some people are really touchy about their wealth! It's not enough for them to be grateful and happy to be among life's winners when it comes to wealth, they also need everyone else to agree how much they deserve it. Makes me think they don't feel quite as ok about it as they claim.

For crying out loud, this bloke has a house worth £5million, 3 others he rents out and 2 holiday homes that sit empty most of the year. I think people need to give their heads a wobble. If this isn't privileged, we really have gone down a rabbit hole. He argued he wasn't privileged because he worked, like everyone else. His wealth comes from a family business that was sold. In other words, absolutely nothing he did himself. That is the very definition of privileged. No way he could afford all those assets on £200k a year. He's defensive because he knows none of it is down to him.

I think it depends on how you interpret ‘privilege’…
Telling someone they’re ‘privileged’ can be quite an insult. He obviously sees himself working continuously to support his child and secure her future…
whether he’s rich or not is not for anyone else to comment on… it’s in fact a bit rude.

I once had a friend tell me I was privileged, my total household income was about £85k and we were DINKS (this was maybe 3 years ago), it wasn't said out of kindness or to generate discussion, it was said aggressively and said to try and prove that I was wrong. As such I got defensive. Compared to how I grew up I am VERY privileged and would happily acknowledge that in 99% of settings, but when it was put to me the way it was I argued back. They were so adamant, and so rude to me, it was the beginning of the end of a previously fairly close friendship.

Although I do believe your friend is incredibly privileged, maybe he felt attacked/backed into corner or perhaps that his own hard work (and it would be at £200k a year, even with a helping hand into a job etc) wasn't being recognised. I don't think this is worth ending a friendship over, if he hasn't previously done anything to upset you.

I’d end the friendship - Because I’d be jealous of his wealth and not want to be reminded of it all the time. If you don’t mind the fact of his privilege as you see it I don’t think it matters whether he thinks he earned it or not.

But that’s just me 💀

He’s a pratt but you don’t need to end your friendship!

Start looking a home sales way out of your reach and sighing, complain about the local state schools, your friends kids would love to play hockey but can’t etc - maybe he’ll appreciate he has more than others.

just curious- is he generous to his friends or acts like he can’t afford shit like the rest of us?

Oh gosh.. he’s a twat! Surely he knows you can work hard but still be very privileged. Hate people like this!

I don’t know why you bothered to have the discussion. If he has more than others , or less, is it really good manners to discuss it?

What does it really matter?

You either like someone, or you dont, regardless of their wealth and attitudes to it. Decide which it is and go from there!