Unaware of privilege - end friendship?

[Selman]

I have one friend who is ridiculously well off, at least to me!
His parents owned a company they sold in the mid 2000s, no idea how much for but a good amount!
He has a house worth I'd say around 5 mil in London, 3 other properties he rents out, 2 holiday homes which sit effectively empty all year (all purchased with his parents money) and must take home around 200k a year. He has one child who he sends to a very expensive prep school, has a nanny for and spends thousands on her hobbies.
Tonight we were talking about politics etc. when a friend mentioned that he is extremely privileged. He became very defensive and disagreed as he works like everyone else and his daughter will have to as well (she will be gifted a 3 bedroom flat worth over 1mil and a trust fund).
He made a big deal about his parents not being very smart with the proceeds of the sale of their company in his opinion as "other than rental income" they don't have any real investments. He kept going on about how he HAS to work. When it was pointed out if he sold his house and moved into a perfectly lovely 1mil house he wouldn't have to work he got more defensive.
Now generally I don't care how well off or not someone is, I have friends from every background and as long as they are a decent person I couldn't care less about income.
Now I'm thinking - he is a twat! I don't care about how much he has as long as he knows he's privileged and I genuinely think he views him self as an average joe putting in the graft to get by when the reality is he's ridiculously well off and must own nearly 10mil in property!!
AIBU to end a friendship over this and tell him exactly why?!

As a person on a low income and from a poor background I feel insecure around my friends who grew up with privilege and who fail to admit it

Why do you want them to admit it? Surely it would be a bit crass and insensitive for them to talk to you about their "privilege" when you are obviously conscious and insecure of your own background. If they were going on about their privilege people would be complaining about how rude and inconsiderate they are rubbing people's noses in it.

I don't understand people who talk about people they class as friends in this way. I have no friends that I feel insecure around. If I feel insecure around someone I tend not to spend time with them and therefore don't class them as friends.

I just find it strange that so many people who consider themselves poor have so many privileged friends. And I find it even more strange that these poor people expect their privileged friends to go on about it.

Exactly this. How often are they supposed to be ‘acknowledging’ it? Every time they see you? Once a month, just so you don’t think they’ve forgotten how privileged they are? Annually on their birthday?

You sound very bitter, jealous, and shallow.

What is the feeling about men and male privilege?

Why do they need to keep reminding her? It’s not a competition.

This 💯 % 🙄

I vote YABU becuase you shouldn't be friends with someone you can't just ay "Don't be such a twat" to, when you think they're being a twat, and leave it at that.

If you feel stifled and unable to express anything but approval of everything he says, it's not much of a friendship so yes, let go of it if he irritates you!

You see it a lot in this country.

I wouldn't blame him if he wanted to end his friendship with you. So much envy and bitterness towards him and his daughter is pretty nasty.

Being wealthy is not a crime and he is not a "twat" for refusing apologising for it.

No one is handed £200,000 a year for doing nothing. He must have to work hard for it. I'd be pretty pissed off with a "friend" who expected me to apologise for being hardworking and successful. He is fortunate to have inherited wealth as well, but he shouldn't have to feel bad about that either.

End the friendship by all means. For his sake and his daughter's. They don't need such a bitter and judgemental person souring their lives.

I put you are not being unreasonable to end the friendship - for his sake.

Oh look! Another Sunday morning 4am shit stirring made up thread. This must be a weekly thing by the same person. Plus folk fall for it lol 😂

I cant remember the name of it, but there is a psychological theory which says people often underestimate the amount of help they have had in getting to where they are, and overestimate the amount of success is based on their own efforts.

But in this instance the OP should be saying that to the third party that threw the hand grenade into the conversation?

I think the you are just jealous comments in contexts like this are from the hard of thinking.

Oh yes, absolutely! I just mean when the privileged friend says he's not that well off, I'd just say "You're having a laugh, aren't you?!" or "Don't be a wanker, of course you are." But that's probably because I wouldn't care whether he was rich/privileged or not, and he wouldn't be my friend if we couldn't enjoy a bit of banter about this sort of thing. I feel sorry for him getting all defensive, that's what you do when you feel judged. And there's no room for that kind of judgement, based on economic status of all things, in a true friendship.

I work in Financial Services. Plenty of 6 and 7 figure salaries. Yes, the people who do those jobs work hard, but anyone who thinks it's a level playing field to get into most £200k jobs is delusional. Privilege isn't just whether your wealth/security is unearned or due to hard work, it's about what opportunities you have open to you to capitalise on with that hard work.

I am honest with myself about my own privilege, from clean water and safe rule of law upwards. I would think less of someone who did not recognise their own privilege because it speaks to someone who is, I'm afraid, a little dishonest with themselves.

I'm guessing that it is this rather than the wealth itself that has put the OP off their friend - they have realised their friend is not who they thought they were.

I think "not who they thought they were" is a bit dramatic. In these circumstances the friend was blindsided by a rude question/comment and defended himself. Perhaps clumsily but still within reason. If he was swanning around every day complaining about how hard his life was I'd agree.

They will never have "enough"
I cant stand wealthy people trying to justify their skintness

I think it is about poor social skills and empathy.
We all need to judge what we say based on those around us. I would not go on about how happy my marriage is to a friend who is newly widowed. I would not go on about how brilliant having children is to a friend who just found out she is infertile. When you are around people who are poorer than you you have to be aware of that. So saying you have to work when others clearly could live their life with your money without ever working. Saying I do not need to work to live, but I want to have a more expensive lifestyle so I need to work to afford that, is being far more aware.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt…. It’s easy to get into your own bubble and not realize how much of a bubble it is… I grew up in a family with income in top 1-5%, my parents have wealth that would put them in the 1%. DH and I have income and net worth that would certainly put us in the 5%… but so does everyone around us. DH is considerably better paid than me and I sometimes get glimpses from other people I work with that suddenly makes our level of privilege glaring, but on a daily basis it just feels very ordinary. We had a nanny, our DC is at a private school etc etc. I don’t feel especially well off. Other families at DC’s school are much better off than us and we have one of the cheapest houses in our neighborhood 🤷‍♀️.

Deeply disappointing that the OP creates such an unkind thread and doesn't even bother to come back and engage. Hopefully the responses have given them food for thought and makes them change their shallow attitude.

He wouldn’t have had to if a very rude ‘friend’ hadn’t asked.

This man was blindsided by someone who called themselves a friend. It was they who brought the subject up, not he. Why should he have to justify the ‘privilege’ he worked hard for ?

You’re so up yourself it’s a wonder you see the sun ever shine. What a load of drivel.

He’s not being asked to justify his privilege, though?

He’s given a political opinion and someone has basically said - “but can you see how it might be different for people who haven’t inherited several million pounds?”