To want to do something with just my kids?

[LilyPanda]

I want to take my kids away in the 6 weeks… either abroad for 4-5 nights or somewhere in the UK. Most likely abroad to somewhere like Spain or France.

Husband won’t be coming as he is working and self employed so if he doesn’t work, he doesn’t get paid but he’s more then happy for me to go with our 2 kids.

However, he has asked if I would take his DD (my DSD) and Iv said no, I would like to just take our kids and spend some quality time with them. Hes accepted this and nothing else was said about it but DSD has heard from her sister that she’s going away and now her mum is asking why can’t she come.

So am I being totally selfish to only want to take my own children?

So potentially even more reason to include her dd's half siblings in things if people want to make the argument for siblings spending time together / having shared experiences / bonding as siblings.

Not that I think either mother is wrong to take just her biological children away occasionally, just responding to those arguing that point.

Just don't entertain any nonsense.

"No, this is a trip for me, X and Y. DH isn't coming so DSD won't be missing out on any contact with him."

I think it’s sadder that the child’s actual parents won’t step up and take her on holiday.

And what I get up to with my children is none of your business, there will be no further discussion of how I spend my time with you.

Ex is a disgrace.

No you're not selfish.

Your husband may find time to holiday with his daughter at another time.

Might work out well all around.

Didn't say she did

I'm wondering why her DH won't do it and the implication appears to be that the family pot is for their nuclear family and I wondered if he had money he could use for his daughter.

The op implies that the husband isn’t able to take time off work due to finances

DSD has heard from her sister that she’s going away and now her mum is asking why can’t she come.

Who is the mum asking this to?

Who are you asking though? As OP is the only person who could realistically give you the answer, and you’ve agreed upthread with PP that this not OP’s responsibility to look at. It’s not for OP to work out why he can/can’t.

Best response. Does a 16yo want to anyway? If op and her dh are happy that it's coming from the family lot, why are so many bitter about that ? Op also wants to make memories with her own children, and there's nothing wrong with that.

DH isn't here to answer that, and OP isn't obliged to provide an answer for him. So repeating the same thing constantly is pointless.

Yes, he has money he can use for his daughter. It comes from the family pot. What doesn't come from the family pot is free childcare provided by OP.

Because he will be working, hence the reason he’s not coming on this trip.

Sorry I’m not booking my last minute holidays in a timely manner for you. Pretty sure me and DH are happy with our timing though so your snide remark isn’t needed.

I find it easier to not tell kids what is going on until the last minute. Saves a lot of questions. As you haven’t booked anything yet just be nonchalant about it all. Technically at the moment you’re not going anywhere. I wouldn’t want to disappoint a child and at the same time this is a holiday for you and your children. Is her mum in a position to take her away in the holidays?

Not even a day?

In that case can he do one-to-one another time?

Honestly given the age difference yanby. The hol that tweens would enjoy is vastly different to a teen holiday. Tell your dd to tell her sis that this time it's just her and ds and her mom z

No way should you have to take DSD. If her father isn’t going then you have no obligations to take her with you.

You and your children have every right to spend some quality time together without dsd. Dsd has her own mum to do these with. I don’t think she is hard done by by not going away with you. Her mum is entitled and cheeky, and isn’t respecting the fact that you want some quality time with your own children. As a mum she should understand how important it is.

We could afford for him to come but we don’t want to lose that income anyway. We are not on the breadline or even close. He earns enough but it’s a combination of not wanting to lose the income and he can’t let clients down last minute.
He already had 3 weeks off earlier this year as he was in hospital poorly unexpectedly. Hes then had days off here and there that was planned in for weekends away.

He has a week booked off for Oct half term when we are ALL away.

He won’t mess his clients around by taking more unexpected time off because Iv decided I want to take the kids away for a few days. He’s happy for me to go, I’m happy for him to stay.
Either way, the reason he isn’t coming is irrelevant.

Nope, it would change the family dynamics. I'm sure the ex wife doesn't take your children away?!

Yes. That is exactly what I think. She married a man who was a father and should have done so being prepared to treat her as a full member of the family. I'd never entertain a relationship with someone who would leave my pre-existing children out. How unkind and disloyal.

No thoughts for OP’s children then? How typical. What if they want some time with their mum without dsd always being there? Yes that includes holidays/trips.

What would you say if your children’s father spent some nice quality time with his child he has with you because he realises how important it is? And didn’t take his stepchildren with him if he has any. Or even any younger children he has. No doubt you’d applaud him for it because it benefits your child.

I honestly wouldn’t know anything about her financial abilities.

I don’t think you need to explain the finances of the holiday to anyone.
As a pp said you have no parental rights in the case of illness or injury. It’s her mum and/or dad’s responsibility to take her on holiday.

Totally. Jeezo, some of the threads on here.

I think given the age gap and that she doesn’t live with you most of the time it’s fine. She won’t be interested in the same things as the younger ones and could well get bored which would make it stressful. I’d just explain to her mum that you’ll be doing stuff that’s too babyish for her, and get your DH to plan something nice for her soon.