Would you sack nanny over this?

[YourMerryBrickRobin]

AHave name changed as potentially outing.

Nanny has been with us for 6 years, since our joint biological eldest turned 1 (DH has two kids aged 18 and 14, eldest lives with us full time youngest visits in school holidays)

We have never really had any problems although we will admit a boundary has been slightly pushed lately but we let it go- her long term boyfriend was left homeless, so we agree he could TEMPORARILY move on but would be in the caravan outdoors as he wasn’t DBS checked and didn’t want him staying in the house. He seems a nice enough guy and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t harm my children and appreciate a DBS doesn’t stop that, but it was a boundary we put in place.

He started coming into the house around the DC while we weren’t there. Got a bit more annoyed, but chose not to rock the boat as Nanny is a diamond

Anyway today- she left our youngest (9 months) in the care of her boyfriend while she went and collected DS from nursery, which is literally a 5 minute walk away. Reason being- we had DDs car seat in our car. She didn’t attempt to contact either me or DH (we are both self employed and always within 10-15 miles of home) despite noticing this morning when she was going to take her to the park (DH dropped DS off, we have 2 same stage car seats hence why it wasn’t an issue with DS this morning)

Im pissed off if I’m honest. Like I said, nice enough guy but don’t know him well enough to look after my child even if it was for under 10 minutes

AIBU?

I wouldn't I meant

I would absolutely sack her. No questions. I would so so on the basis that the boyfriend could have potentially been someone predator - groomer often getting into relationship with people who access to children.

There doesn't appear to be any reason why the nanny's judgement isn't good here. She trusts her boyfriend and its not like she gave him the ok to take the kids to the park all afternoon.

But the condition of the boyfriend living in the caravan was that he not enter the house. She broke that trust at least twice. More, she left him alone in charge of OP's baby. And unfortunately, her trusting her boyfriend means little. It's not like women aren't fooled by untrustworthy men all the time. At the very least, he's shown he's untrustworthy by breaking the conditions he was given, and being in charge of a baby when he had no right to.

(edit because I forgot to put the quote in bold)

@Lyraloo is there really any need to start swearing?
We can swear here. We are adults.

Adults or just common?

Has it got to the point that every potential partner or friend needs a DBS check!
What happens if anyone has friends or family in the house, how do they go the loo, do they take all the children?
Or when your at an event , you tell the friend next to you can ,you watch the pram as it won't fit in the portaloo?
How do you get petrol as a single parent?

Why are you confusing employees in a paid position of trust with your friends?

He is having free accomodation on the condition not to enter the house. Yet he did. And stayed there looking after the baby that the nanny should have taken with her

It seems to me a classic case of "give them an inch and they'll take a yard", which is probably why so many have said they've never have let him live there in the first place

Realistically there's no way he wasn't going to come into the house once in situ, even if they had to manufacture an "emergency" with the caravan to justify it, but I agree that leaving the DC with him is something else again

If you're generally happy with her & trust her then have a meeting with her telling her what you're not happy about & what you expect from her during her working hours. Set the boundaries & tell her her boyfriend isn't allowed in the house & if they both don't adhere to the rules then he can no longer stay in the caravan & you will seriously be thinking about her role as Nanny & whether it's working & if you can trust her or not.

If you don't know better than to use the term 'common', there is no hope for you.

Classic MN.

He has to go now and she should too regardless of how good she's been. There was no need for her to leave your baby with her boyfriend , in a matter of mins something could have happened, OK it seems it didn't but she left your vulnerable baby basically with a stranger ,

Again, OP already said they'd made " a firm boundary" about allowing the boyfriend in the house and it was ignored

Of course I could be wrong, but I'm not sure what difference repeating it is going to make, whether he remains living in the caravan or not

If you read the original post, she simply said she didn’t want him staying in the house!

It’s laughable you talk about her being able to talk to you, why don’t you actually talk to her instead of sending texts and getting dh to talk to her. Sit down face to face and have an adult conversation! It’s your lack of clarity that has caused this problem!

Well I’m in the same boat as you then!

Lack of clarity? What is unclear about being a nanny? Your job is to look after children. You are failing to do that when you leave someone else in your employer's house with your employer's baby.

WhichEllie · 08/06/2024 01:55
Nanny has been with us for 6 years

she is just 18 and I wouldn’t think at that age

Er, sorry, what?? Has she been your nanny/babysitter since she was 12?

This confused me initially until l realised "she is just 18" referred to SD (the step daughter), not the nanny.

If you worked in a shop and left your boyfriend in sole charge while you popped to the shops for 10 minutes you would lose your job. Your baby is infinitely more precious than the contents of a till.

Somewhere you can never be.

I know, but I read it as being in the house rather than sleeping there - probably because I couldn't imagine that being requested

As said though I could be wrong, but it doesn't change the point that one thing leads to another and here OP is

she is so enamoured of this man that she breaches her own standard of professionalism. For me it wouldn't matter how good she was I would need to let her go. It might be a wake up call for her (that said, a warning might work the same magic)

This is such a good way to explain it

Thank God!