Would you sack nanny over this?

[YourMerryBrickRobin]

AHave name changed as potentially outing.

Nanny has been with us for 6 years, since our joint biological eldest turned 1 (DH has two kids aged 18 and 14, eldest lives with us full time youngest visits in school holidays)

We have never really had any problems although we will admit a boundary has been slightly pushed lately but we let it go- her long term boyfriend was left homeless, so we agree he could TEMPORARILY move on but would be in the caravan outdoors as he wasn’t DBS checked and didn’t want him staying in the house. He seems a nice enough guy and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t harm my children and appreciate a DBS doesn’t stop that, but it was a boundary we put in place.

He started coming into the house around the DC while we weren’t there. Got a bit more annoyed, but chose not to rock the boat as Nanny is a diamond

Anyway today- she left our youngest (9 months) in the care of her boyfriend while she went and collected DS from nursery, which is literally a 5 minute walk away. Reason being- we had DDs car seat in our car. She didn’t attempt to contact either me or DH (we are both self employed and always within 10-15 miles of home) despite noticing this morning when she was going to take her to the park (DH dropped DS off, we have 2 same stage car seats hence why it wasn’t an issue with DS this morning)

Im pissed off if I’m honest. Like I said, nice enough guy but don’t know him well enough to look after my child even if it was for under 10 minutes

AIBU?

Really? If you had been given sole charge of a shop for 6 years and lived over the shop would the shop owner really sack you? Especially considering if the shop had been fine and business hadn't been affected.

It certainly qualifies as a sackable offence. Whether you do decide to sack your Nanny should depend on how much credit she has from the previous six years. I had a Nanny who was loyal, kind and loving to the babies but she made a really poor decision which caused me to question her judgement at a fundamental level. I didn't sack her then but I found myself checking up on everything, all the time, and that's a horrible relationship to have, especially with a live-in Nanny- as others have said, it's quite an intimate arrangement. Eventually I had to let her go, albeit with references- because my trust in her judgement and therefore safety of my DC was broken.
If she has been wonderful for six years, and there's enough invested in the relationship with your children, you could keep her on with a final warning, or perhaps explore whether the time has come for her to transition to live-out.
Either way you need to be really clear about boundaries moving forward.
I must say though, that keeping a Nanny for six years says a lot about you and her, to the credit of both. It's what stopped me saying Yes to sacking her straight off. She will be an important feature in all your children's lives and potentially a life-long asset to them like an honorary Aunt or godmother- don't throw that away lightly.

You have to go through the disciplinary procedure though which legally should be in her employee contract.

Not angry at all, just bewildered by the utter lack of basic comprehension on this thread. 😂

Grown adults unable to understand its not about the boyfriend.😂

Presumably the doctor hadn't lived with the family of the 1 year.
That's the difference.

It takes faith in someone look after your children whether that's a nanny, nursery or school. It's another level when it's someone living in your home, access to your lives, your post, your bills your phone and personal life.

I can see the logic of people saying sack the nanny BUT it was 10 minutes. Nanny trusts her boyfriend. I have had far worse from nannies in the pas and good nannies are like gold dust, so I would lay the law down very firmly - boy friend has to be off the premises and not in the house when she is working (install a video doorbell at both doors?) Written warning and no reference if she then breaks the rules. Good luck.

Part of why this would be an issue for me is that it wasn't an emergency, where I could understand it, it was to avoid walking for 5 mins which is a ridiculous reason to disobey a direct instruction from your boss

And TBH someone that lazy shouldn't be a nanny anyway

What makes you so sure it was only 10 mins and this was the only occasion.

I will bet good money what the nanny admitted to is just the tip of the iceberg and this has been happening on other occasions for longer as well as having her boyfriend in the house behind the OP's back.

I think once you have experience of safe guarding and hear some very disturbing things you just become much more wary. I’m aware I seem paranoid but it is the boyfriend being alone with the child I have the issue with. OP couldn’t understand why Nanny hadn’t taken the child, what if (worst case scenario I know) boyfriend is encouraging Nanny to leave the child as he wants unsupervised access. People on this thread seem to believe the Nanny would ‘know’ if her boyfriend was a risk, I don’t agree. This is what concerns me.

@Bunnie007 I agree. Just about every day there are stories about paedophiles who fooled their wives, who groomed families, who fooled their colleagues, who were Such Nice Blokes, who were charming, who everyone trusted. Yet on this thread there are posters (wilfully naive, perhaps) throwing their hands up in shock that anyone should have an issue with this stranger having access to a baby, and unsupervised access at that, and saying but the nanny knows him!

No, stepdaughter is only 18

I think you did make a mistake by letting her boyfriend move in as kind it as it was this is obviously where it went down hill for boundaries it was unacceptable for her to leave baby with boyfriend absolutely would I sack her possibly but I would have got a dbs on boyfriend at nannys expense immediately before hand only u know if sacking her is right thing to do

You say she has been with you for 6 years. Then you say she is only 18. I'm confused. She has been a Nanny since she was 12 ?
What am I reading wrongly ?

The eldest step-daughter is 18, the nanny is with them 6 years.

It's really not confusing!

I'm on the fence on this one

I was a nanny for 20yrs + and no I wouldn't leave a charge of mine alone with my bf

But years ago my bf who then was later my dh , did come to work. Allowed my employers and popped in occasionally but with mb and db knowledge

I think you have both had a lapse of judgement

You allowing bf to move in but not allowed in house

Her allowing bf to look after child and enter house

That's not remotely the same @Blondeshavemorefun so not sure why you say you're on the fence.

Whoops hit post too soon

How long was nanny with bf

A few months v a few years can make a diff

Ans possible she may live in with him now

6yrs is a long time to have a nanny and I assume no other issues in that time

And yes often better the devil you know and the kids adore her

She made an error in judgement

I'm glad you feel she should keep her job

Was she sorry ?

Contract depending I thought first offence was a verbal warning. Then a written ?

Looking at dates this is over a week old so what happened on the Sunday they came back

Did nanny reply to text

Did you have the written warning

This is not good. I'd talk to her. Tell her, nicely, that you're extremely upset about what happened and that it would be deemed by many as a sackable offence. Give her one more chance, but you must set boundaries. If she protests tell her it's best if she leaves.

Coz on the fence as in nannys do sometimes have personal visitors family /friends /partners

Op allowed bf to stay

Tbh a little naive thinking he would never go in the house

And after the sd mentioned it , op should have had a stern word with nanny but didn't

Did you not read op replies ?

She did

We just don't know how the Nanny reacted after

Reading the first post again op says she didn't want bf staying in the house

But didn't mention he wasn't allowed in the house

Or was nanny told this as doesn't say this to us

Staying in the house to me means he can't live /sleep there

Not that he isn't allowed only the kitchen etx

Hence why I said I was on the fence

A nanny shouldn't need to be told to not bring people into the house. Nor leave them holding her employers' baby. It's common sense, surely.

Tbh my employers always gave me free reign with people in the house

I was a nanny for over 20yrs

99% be other mums /nannies and similar age children for play dates

1% or less and dh but as said previously mb and db would know

Dh May pop in later if that's ok as he's in the area working

Or he's dropping off xyz that I forgot this am

It really was a case of they trusted me and trusted my judgement of who came over

No I wouldn't leave them alone in the house but more as not my house

But def allowed people there

Seems since covid many more families want to know where they child is at all times and who seeing /what doing and can't have people round to 'vet' them

Yes I was happy to write in diary - park with x

Or going to baby bounce

But plans can change

But equally if raining x may come to us or us to them

Or bounce was shut /issues with bouncy castle /no electricity so did something else

I didn't have to ask /tell mb and db

I just got on with my job

Seems to be so much micro managing now sadly

@Blondeshavemorefun

You say your employers gave you free rein, so does that mean there was a conversation at some point where they gave you permission to have people over? If not, then I just can't imagine not even asking "Is it ok if my bf pops in later?" when I'm in someone else's house. The OP's nanny never asked nor did the OP give permission for this man to be in her house, let alone for him to be left alone in her house and alone with her baby.

I don't think it is micromanaging to expect to be asked if that is ok.