Can't be bothered to meet friend -aibu?

[thisnoming]

Meeting a friend tomorrow and like normal it's me doing the travelling.
I don't drive either but it's a drinking day so makes no difference .
We are meeting in the town she lives in.
It's a 10 min taxi for her.
For me it's a 25 min bus into my city then 1 hour 15 min bus.
The taxi return would be over £100 so can't afford it.
We are meeting at 2
She's got a taxi booked for 1-45pm
I have to leave at 12pm
On the way home she is home in 10 mins and it's taking me 2 hours.
There's nothing really in between except little pubs.
Aibu to cancel?

Sorry, but she just doesn't sound that invested in the friendship.

Going home after an hour when you travelled all that way? Her not wanting to be "bothered" by taking a bus or train? Not wanting to meet in the middle or come to you half the time?

Personally, I would cancel because I would not want to be going on a bus and train after drinking much.

You shouldn't have agreed to go in the first place. It's a bit late to cancel. She has probably been looking forward to it.

She's not going to be much use to her kids if she's pissed

Too late to cancel. You shouldn't keep agreeing to it.

I wouldn’t think twice about bailing on someone who says that they’ll see if they can be ‘bothered’ to meet you half way, then - yet again - deciding they can’t and expecting you to travel for 1hr 40 minutes while they selfishly make sure they only have to get a quick taxi. Either she meets you somewhere that’s fair to both of you, or cancel.

People pleasing is so martyrish and doesn’t please anyone in the long term. Either go along with it tomorrow as things stand then refuse to meet in her town next time, or give her the option of relocating the meeting place tomorrow and next time make that clear from the outset. She sounds like she’s taking the piss out of you and doesn’t respect you but you’re going along with it while secretly resenting it. Stand up!

She's prioritising her needs and wishes, so there should be no problem with you doing the same. I'd tell her clearly that you're not happy with such a long journey. Either you meet somewhere that requires a more equal distribution of effort from both of you, or you'll just see each other less often.

I wouldn't want to travel far just to meet up with a friend for the day, but I wouldn't expect anyone else to do it, either, unless they volunteered.

That sounds really unfair on you. I wouldn't go unless I sleep over, or we meet halfway.

Here's your real problem and hopefully this will be the last learning experience you need.

Next time, remember that it will be bad, and that she is taking the piss, and stand up for yourself. I think you may have to suck this one up as it's not great to cancel so last-minute but let it be the last one!

There is a "slight" difference between alcohol intake where you are legally safe to drive and where you are incapable to hang around with your children at home.

How much do you drink when you are meeting your friends lol?

The OP did use the phrase "really drunk" when describing her pissed friend to be fair.

I'm.only going by the fact that OP said it's going to be a "drinking day" and that last time they met her friend got really pissed

Fair enough, I missed that one!
Tbh I can sip for hours without getting drunk on girls day/night so long socialising time does not ring getting pissed.

No she will be drunk
She can drink me under the table

@thisnoming what have you decided to do?

Cancel.

She is selfish, self centered and thoughtless.

Not anything I have on my list of Friend attributes.

Be honest and blunt "Friend, the fact is that you expect me to travel 2 hours there and then 2 hours home just because you cant be arsed to do ten minutes on a train. I am not doing it anymore as it isnt fair. I dont mind meeting the middle but I am not coming to you anymore as it costs me a lot of money and time. If you dont want to meet in X tomorrow thats fine, we will try and organise it another time"

@thisnoming I initially thought it was a bit too short notice to cancel, but after reading all of your posts I would definitely do so. Because, frankly, she does not sound worth the effort.

After treating you terribly with the uber debacle, I would totally bail.

I'm sorry, but I don't think she's much of a friend. You're out drinking and she wants you to get the bus home?

Surely most friends would say, stay at mine! Don't be on public transport a bit worse for wear

YANBU to cancel.

'4 hours travelling is too much. Cancelling tomorrow, and we need different arrangements for next time. xx'

Just cancel- she’s not really bothered about seeing you anyway

All that effort just to sit and watch someone getting drunk … surely there’s so much more to life than wasting a day doing that OP. I wouldn’t even travel to the end of my road to waste a day of my life doing that!

She's told you she can't be bothered to get a train to meet you yet you agree to put yourself out to go and meet her? That's not being a people pleaser, it's being a mug! You only have yourself to blame 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn't have seen her again after that

I'd cancel and let the friendship go as well, sounds one sided