Can't be bothered to meet friend -aibu?

[thisnoming]

Meeting a friend tomorrow and like normal it's me doing the travelling.
I don't drive either but it's a drinking day so makes no difference .
We are meeting in the town she lives in.
It's a 10 min taxi for her.
For me it's a 25 min bus into my city then 1 hour 15 min bus.
The taxi return would be over £100 so can't afford it.
We are meeting at 2
She's got a taxi booked for 1-45pm
I have to leave at 12pm
On the way home she is home in 10 mins and it's taking me 2 hours.
There's nothing really in between except little pubs.
Aibu to cancel?

Well definitely not then. If she can’t compromise it’s her loss if you’re not that bothered.

Why are you going? You don’t seem to like her, so why travel all that way?

It's nothing to do with not liking her
It's the fact it's gonna be nearly 4 hours travelling
When she can't be bothered to jump on a 10 min train
Then I'm left at a bus stop
She jumps in a taxi and home in 10

OK, just cancel. But it's best to talk to her by phone and say your heart is sinking at the thought of the travel.

Then check if she can be 'bothered' and if she can't, you just reply 'no, me neither. Let's leave it until we can find a place midway'. Stop being a pushover.

Get her to agree to that instead or don’t see her. It’s not fair for you to do all the travelling. If she won’t then don’t see her.

Btw I know the feeling as unless I travel across country I don’t see any of my friends or family ever.

I’m sure I’ve read this before.

But just don’t go.

Id send her the time table you need to stick to to get there and see what she says.

Why doesn’t she drive to you, go out and then stay over and go back tmr.

@Iwrotethelyricstoaxlf she needs to get home for her kids tonight

*tomorrow

I think it's unfair to cancel now tbh because you must have agreed to this?
But for next time suggest she travels to you for a change then take turns? It doesn't sound like there are good options for meeting half way so taking turns to travel seems fairest

Normally I would agree with PP who say it's unfair to cancel so close to the day. However, her 'I'll see if I can bothered in the morning' attitude would instanstly make me feel not guilty about backing out, as she sounds like the type of person that could also cancel last minute and have zero guilt about doing so (she has kids so easy excuse, sudden illness etc).

I'd personally "pull a sickie" in this case.

Definitely cancel.

She can't be bothered to put herself out even the slightest, so give it a miss.

So why are you even asking the question on here?!

Can it. You can give an excuse then next time, go somewhere in the middle.

Have you often met in the middle or do you always go to her? I’ve had friends like this who will always want to meet in their town or at their home, it’s really frustrating because it feels like they can’t be bothered to make an effort or you’re not worth their time. I also don’t like your friend’s attitude of saying she’ll see if she can be bothered tomorrow. If she’s not excited to see you or prepared to make any effort then I might bin her off entirely

Why not message her now and just say
" hey friend the amount of travel for me to do tomorrow is not going to work for me.
I am able to meet in the city. Let me know if that works for you. If not will arrange for another time"

Seriously, fuck her off OP. She's a selfish twat moaning about a short journey when you have a 2 hour one.

Tell her to come to you. If she can't sort babysitters that's her problem, just say you can't travel to her.

she said "il see if I can be bothered in the morning with the train "

Tell her 'I can't be bothered always having to do the 4 hour round trip and you can come to me from now on.'

I think you’re both better off without each other. Friendship shouldn’t feel this effortful about something so small.

@Shan5474 I always go to her
Last time was a few months ago
She wanted a girls day I spent a fortune in Ubers getting there and back and she said after a hour she was tired and I went home

I would be sending her an honest messaging saying how you value the friendship and love catching up however it’s time and cost consuming for you to always be the one traveling to her and you’d love it if you could switch it up and she comes to you.

This person is not your friend!

Ditch her.

It is fine to have friends you don't see in person - I have a great friend who lives 300 miles away and for various reasons we can't travel to one another all that often. But we stay in touch pretty much daily and are very close.

One person always doing the leg work and the other person can't be bothered to reciprocate... that isn't a friendship.

Little white lie: “I’ve got a bit of a dodgy tummy and while I’d still be up for lunch I can’t face the 4 hours travel time, do you fancy coming nearer me?”. That way she’ll cancel AND hopefully realise you’re doing all the running!

With her attitude I wouldn't go. Just message her in morning and let her know. Work on the being a doormat thing.

How old are you both?

And people pleasers never please anyone. Especially themselves