Can't be bothered to meet friend -aibu?

[thisnoming]

Meeting a friend tomorrow and like normal it's me doing the travelling.
I don't drive either but it's a drinking day so makes no difference .
We are meeting in the town she lives in.
It's a 10 min taxi for her.
For me it's a 25 min bus into my city then 1 hour 15 min bus.
The taxi return would be over £100 so can't afford it.
We are meeting at 2
She's got a taxi booked for 1-45pm
I have to leave at 12pm
On the way home she is home in 10 mins and it's taking me 2 hours.
There's nothing really in between except little pubs.
Aibu to cancel?

Cancel and meet somewhere equidistant or go overnight somewhere.

Speak with friend and see if she is open to travelling further towards you.
It is a bit late to cancel though. Next time can you agree to different details?

I think if I had agreed to those plans I would go through with it, but not agree again - you should alternate.

That's not the OP's issue. As I said above I personally would go if I had made the plans, but what someone else may or may not have arranged if this arrangement had never existed is neither here nor there IMO.

Bit 💩 to cancel the day before on a friend especially when you’ve known the plans from the get go.
You say there’s nothing really inbetween other than little pubs - why not suggest a weekend away or something next time? My close friendship group is scattered all over the North now so we have 2 cities that all of us can easily get to by train and do that. Food for thought for next time!

It would be better to talk to her about how unfair it is that you always do all the travelling and it needs to change. Point out the difference in travel time.

It would be crappy of you to cancel now seeing as you agreed to the plan. But I’d make it clear that next time she should travel to you!

Why didn't you arrange to meet in the city where you catch the main bus journey from, for a change?
Unless there's a drip feed that she's got small children and is a single parent who needs to get childcare (therefore needs a shorter day) or she has a disability that makes travel difficult for her, then I can't understand why you can't go drinking in your nearest city rather than hers.

Cancel. She's being a shitty friend expecting you to travel every time.. I had a mate like that.

Ex friend..

But the OP was being foolish to agree to it in the first place.

And they say 'as usual', so it's all very strange as to why they keep agreeing to do it.

I agree it's shitty of the friend but it sounds as though they have a strange relationship.

The journey time does seem unreasonable and unfair, but you agreed to it and if you alway travel to her then she’s got no incentive to travel further to you.

'Like normal'. Why? Do you ever do the planning to meet up? Maybe she feels as she's the one to initiate she can choose.

So either you initiate next time and say 'over my ends this time' or you suggest it regardless that you take it in turns.

I prefer this way as opposed to meeting halfway as you're travelling every time anyway, instead of every other time.

Cancel. I think it's rude to cancel at this point, but if I were your friend, I wouldn't want to be meeting up with you if I knew you really didn't want to.

4 hours is a lot of travel for one day, so I get it. But if this is a common problem, come up with a solution. Either take turns travelling to each other, do sleepovers, or meet in between.

I think you are being unreasonable, because you've clearly simmered on this for a while and have waited until more or less the last minute to back out. If this is a friend, you need to explain to them that you feel like you're always the one doing the travelling, and then suggest an alternative. You have said there isn't anything in between, so suggest that they come to you on the next occasion. A decent person will be open to this. A selfish person will make any excuse not to do so - so you never need to meet up with them again...

Exactly. It's the classic people-pleaser moment that fuels so many AIBU posts on Mn -- person goes along with arrangements that don't suit them without ever suggesting something different, sometimes for years, simmering with often unconscious resentment, then overflows with all that suppressed anger at the last possible moment, cancels last-minute, and then posts on here saying 'Every time I stand up for myself, people get furious. AIBU to block all my so-called friends and spend the rest of my life in my pyjamas watching Netflix?

This person never appears to recognise that some of the responsibility for this dynamic is on them, not just the other person.

OP, you are responsible for expressing your own needs in a situation, and for saying what it is you would prefer to happen. Do this when the arrangement is originally mooted. If the other person is inflexible, then don't agree to do whatever it is. Don't go along resentfully with something that doesn't suit you and then cancel in a rage you express on Mn but not to the other person involved.

Op be more direct. I wouldnt cancel. Say look forw catch up you come to my area next time.

If you don't want to go - absolutely cancel

Agree with almost everyone else! Don’t cancel now but be more assertive about what you want next time.

I have friends who agree to stuff and closer to the time they change their mind because it seems like a good idea in advance but nearer the time they realise it’s a hassle. It doesn’t make me respect them or feel valued

I thought OP sounded a bit tired. I'm going to have to cancel a meet tomorrow (pain related) but it's a bit easier as he's flexible, knows the background and we can do Monday instead.

If OP does cancel hope she's done it by now.

I see threads like this all the time, why do you agree to this and then the day before want to pull out?

You’re not being unreasonable to want to do the travel distance, but why not make that clear when organising?

An hour from both of you would be better. If I was you I’d tell friend it would be better for you if you can meet somewhere in the middle.

Also you are letting her take advantage by always going to her. It should be 50-50 or meet in middle.

You seem all hung up on comparing her journey with yours. It doesn’t matter how far or long she has to travel.
Do you want to see her?
Do you want to see her enough to spend 2h on public transport?

If yes- go. If no- cancel.
And if no, then take it as a sign there isn’t much of a future to this friendship, given that neither of you drive and you don’t like each other enough to get the bus.

I'm guessing this isn't your only gripe with her?

I have said how about we meet a city which is equal travel
She has to get a taxi into her town then a 10 min train
I have to get a bus then a train for 20 mins
It's more do able tho
She said no
She can't be bothered to mess around travelling /trains

Well you can't be bothered either so just cancel. You won't be wasting any money if you say you're not going today.

At that point, then, I wouldn’t have made the plan you have. I would have said, ‘no-me neither’.

Why have you agreed to a plan you don’t want to do and are then wanting to pull out the day before because you don’t want to do it!?