Can't be bothered to meet friend -aibu?

[thisnoming]

Meeting a friend tomorrow and like normal it's me doing the travelling.
I don't drive either but it's a drinking day so makes no difference .
We are meeting in the town she lives in.
It's a 10 min taxi for her.
For me it's a 25 min bus into my city then 1 hour 15 min bus.
The taxi return would be over £100 so can't afford it.
We are meeting at 2
She's got a taxi booked for 1-45pm
I have to leave at 12pm
On the way home she is home in 10 mins and it's taking me 2 hours.
There's nothing really in between except little pubs.
Aibu to cancel?

I would cancel it too. She wants you to make all the effort so that would be a turnoff for me. Don't do the sick thing and lie to her. Just tell her you are not keen on always being the one who does the travelling so if she is willing to meet you halfway you are up for it but not if it is always you making the effort.

Why do you keep being her whipping dog? Fine better friends!

This all sounds very one-sided. But if you want to cancel, best to do it now and next time insist on a more even meeting point

Why is it okay for her to say the travel is too inconvenient but not for you?aa

I wouldn't want to do a 4 hour round trip to see a friend like this either. It doesn't sound like she is prepared to even meet up half-way, ever, so...YANBU

I get you thought it would be ok when you arranged it but it really does sound like too much now the reality of it is close. What if she does the same again? Or you're half way there and she decided 'she can't be bothered'.

Obviously you should never have agreed to it in the first place but I would bail out now whilst there is still a reasonable amount of notice.

Stop agreeing to it.
just say I know you can’t be bothered with trains etc but neither can I so we need to share and meet half way. Or we take it in turns to meet in my town one time, yours the next

You've suggested meeting half way and she said no?

How about you say let's take in turns to meet.

If you don't fancy it I'd let her know now and be honest it's the travel and cost.

Sorry friend I know I agree to meet you in your town tomorrow but actually it's going to be X hours travel and Y pounds. I've had a long week and don't feel up to it's happy to arrange a meet half way another time or take it in turns to travel to one another if you're up for that.

I wouldn't go and honestly I'd be reflecting on whether this person is actually your friend.

i would twist her arm meet closer

Do it tomorrow and when you get there say ‘Hey Clare!! Awwww so good to see you! I’ve had a nightmare journey, first train was cancelled and I missed the bus. It’s taken me ages. Next time you’re deffo coming to me!’ Then enjoy your day. When you next meet up reiterate ‘I’ve made the journey to you a few times now, you ok to come to me this time?’

OP no one here can tell you whether this person is worth going to such an effort to meet up with. We don't know her, we don't know how rewarding your relationship with her is, only you can figure that out.

On a practical level I'd be wary of flaking at the last minute and taking for granted that it won't harm your relationship. If you decide you don't care then it doesn't matter so much.

As she's said that she'll consider whether she wants to travel half-way in the morning just send her a message right now and say 'friend, after a busy week I can't face 4-hours of travelling tomorrow, so I'll have to either meet you half way or rearrange for another time'.

...so tell her then! Stop wasting your time telling us

I’d sack it off

I think it would be a bit crap to cancel so last minute but I definitely wouldn’t be doing it again.

Does she have a partner who looks after the kids or is she paying a babysitter?

You're allowed to change your mind at any point.

You say you are a people pleaser but really you need to learn to be more assertive. It's not unreasonable for her to travel to you this time if you travelled to her previously. But it's also a bit unreasonable (imo) for you to cancel tomorrow when you've already agreed to meet her in her town.
You need to make your boundaries clearer in future so you both know the score.
It does sound like you aren't particularly fond of her, so perhaps you need to rethink the friendship.

OP I don't know if you've made a decision yet but even at this stage I think you could cancel. She sounds awful and selfish and maybe feeling like you don't want to do it is a wake-up call for any future arrangements she wants to make. Presumably tomorrow she'll get pissed again, but you can't because you've got to be sober enough to negotiate the journey home. Not saying you want to get pissed but she takes that option away from you if you did.

This is a drinking day. It's not like you've booked to go to the theatre or a concert, nor has she paid in advance for entrance to an attraction. She's planning on nothing more demanding than a 10 minute taxi ride. Nah. Stay home and put your feet up. And if she has a tantrum ignore her. She doesn't really care much about these meetings but she likes to be the one calling the shots. If you don't go you're calling them and she won't like it. Tough (for her).

YANBU @thisnoming For me it'd be very simple - it's either meet halfway or it's lets not bother.

That's pretty rude.

I think I'd say something like, "well to be honest, I'm finding it hard to be enthusiastic about my travelling time too - what say we give it a miss this time? Let's arrange something near me or half-way next time cos it's feeling a bit one-sided."

Do not go!
She’s messed you around for long enough. Leave her in the lurch then drop her. She’s no friend to you.

I think this is a good approach.

So she can't be arsed to travel and just wants to hope in a 10 minute taxi ride.

But expects you to travel for a couple of hours via buses and trains.

Every Single Time

Fuck her

She's not your friend

I had an ex-friend who was just as selfish.
That's why she's an ex.

Stop 'people pleasing' them...it's fucking tiresome!

Just cancel. Tell her you cba with all the travelling