So confused my partner lives with me but won’t work …

[ShyLionesss]

my partner or should I say boyfriend lives with me well we live together, he does not work and has not for the whole time I been with him , .. I provide 95% of everything,, I Keep him in clothes, food ,scents , plus I have provided our 5 months old with everything ! I mean everything even the furniture for her bedroom pram clothes food milk , he has only got her 2 tins of milk :(( he does old jobs for his family abd gets paid bits here and there, I even get his family Xmas and bday gifts each year,, I just can’t take no more but I feel guilty for some reason,, he didn’t even rub my feet or back while being pregnant, not even a bunch of flowers after having baby lol ,, I’m a fool ??

I have bad anxiety and been telling him to explain why I do what I do ,, he threw that in my face saying I always go on about my feelings,, saying it’s boring …

He thinks your feelings are boring because he doesn't care about you or how you feel. This is not a man to raise your baby with. He is also not a man to live with to help your anxiety.

Do you have any family nearby?

im ok I promise , I didn’t plan on getting pregnant, I’m an older mum .. I thought after 9 years it would not happen,,,

Really well done. Just think how free and light you will feel once he has gone, and how much extra cash you will have to spend on your beautiful baby once you are not supporting this man child.

If he won’t leave, ask the police to remove him or have a locksmith on standby for the moment he steps outside.

I feel so bad why do I feel I’m making a bad decision.. This is what I’m like !! I had a bad childhood… no excuse and I should be horrible cause of it but I hate the thought of hurting anyone .. I killed a fly by accident..long story for another time .. but I cried cause I killed it /hurt it … I cried over a fly !!! I’m a sap ..

I just read all the messages,, I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner I just had alot on with baby and in my head ... I'm not a troll .. I'm just lost and a mother and just reaching out for advice a views , as I'm constantly battling in my head with "what to do ".. then it's "I shouldn't do "

Well, he has to go today. Tell him to start packing. He sounds like a nightmare to be frank 🙁

Try to get a bit more rest.

What did he say when you ended it, OP? Is he moving out?

OP, as well as getting him to move out, you should also contact your local mental health team to discuss your anxiety. As you have a baby, you're likely to get priority treatment.

You and your baby deserve far better. Is this really the type of treatment you want your child to think is acceptable? You both deserve better, please remember that.

I know how you feel with the guilt, I was in your situation once. It’s horrible and does nothing for yourself esteem,
nor your finances! You need to set firm boundaries and give him a date of when he needs to be working, (although he doesn’t even deserve this after you providing so long). Or get rid. You’re worth more. You have one baby not 2. You’ve practically done it alone this long, you’ll be fine I promise. I put up with it for 2 years and it was the worst time ever. Good luck.

@ShyLionesss Why do you feel bad when you were the one trying and your partner was not?
I do not ask this rhetorically.
I had a marriage where I was the only one that worked, I did the housework, planned dates, she went off sex and just used porn, and decided she could not bothered with kids.
I tried everything to make it work and felt a failure. Is that not stupid of me?
I thought it reflected on me that she did not try. I thought I had to work harder adn figure it out.
A relationship depends on two people working at it.
Sometimes it is the fear that our "not good enough" self will be exposed. It is someone else's failure that was being covered up. Not yours.
It was a tough lesson for me to learn and I might be completely different to you. I write this in case it is similar, sorry if it is not.

What you should do is what is best for your baby. Do you want your child to grow up the least important person to their own mother? Do you want to model relationships where men contribute nothing and women do everything?

You feel bad because it advantages other people to exploit you and then tell you that you are a bad person if you don't meet all their demands, and you have heard it for years and now you think it's true. It isn't true.

Morning Shylioness, how are things today? Is he making moves to leave?

Do you have any good friends or family nearby?

Would you feel bad if this was your daughter been sponged off like this? I doubt it - you will be advising her to ditch and run.

You do not owe him explanations, discussions of your feelings etc. Just make a decision and tell him to go.

he threw that in my face saying I always go on about my feelings,, saying it’s boring … I would suggest it is pretty boring having to pay for a man child to sit around the house who is already proving to be a shoddy role model for his daughter.

Hello sorry I have not posted it’s been a strange couple of days, I hope your all ok and again thank you so much ..for advising me but also got listening to me xx

i feel bad for even saying to his face that he don’t provide or buy stuff.. I feel bad !!
I hate hurting anyone,, I had parents who was verbally abusive to me, and the rest.. but maybe that’s why I can’t be mean to anyone as I know it hurts ,, I don’t know .. I’m a mug I know I am.. :((

Your right .. thank you ,, I need to be strong..my daughter and son (his dad is good) are the most important people in my life .. they are my universe and more .. x

My baby dad does change nappies and entertain her, and sometimes helps with the feeds , that he does , I think he loves her , and now I start to think if I’m doing the right thing

Oh, trust me - you are doing the right thing. Spending a bit of time with his own baby isn't nearly enough, even if he does love her. It's not as if he's going to be a proper, useful stay at home dad, is it?

He's too lazy to bother to work and is leeching off you. He's not interested in you really, not your problems, hopes, or fears.

No, you're just a warm bed and a piggy bank to him. Don't listen to his wheedling, he's a mature adult. Get him out before he sucks the life out of you.

If he does love his child, there's no obstacle to him spending time with her, is there?

We don’t sleep in same room,, I do night feeds as he likes his sleep to much so I sleep with her in her/our room ,, it’s a princess room so I’m happy lol

Well, he has a warm bed in a warm house, which you've paid for and he's refused steadfastly to contribute to!

What do you get in return?

Less than nothing!

What does SAHP ?? Sorry am I Being stupid .. I’m sat here and for the life of me can’t work out what it stand for .

Stay at home parent.

I know .. I need to stop being a push over I need to not feel bad… aaarrhhh

Yes! Don't feel bad!