So confused my partner lives with me but won’t work …

[ShyLionesss]

my partner or should I say boyfriend lives with me well we live together, he does not work and has not for the whole time I been with him , .. I provide 95% of everything,, I Keep him in clothes, food ,scents , plus I have provided our 5 months old with everything ! I mean everything even the furniture for her bedroom pram clothes food milk , he has only got her 2 tins of milk :(( he does old jobs for his family abd gets paid bits here and there, I even get his family Xmas and bday gifts each year,, I just can’t take no more but I feel guilty for some reason,, he didn’t even rub my feet or back while being pregnant, not even a bunch of flowers after having baby lol ,, I’m a fool ??

"I’m a fool ??"

Yes.

coming on here just seeing the support and advice means alot as I don’t feel so crazy in my way of thinking as I always though I was thinking wrong ? Maybe guilt

Been with him for 9 years … he did work … then stopped I was in love and didn’t see this was how it was gonna be … you just put up with it until you start to wake up like me ..now .. then the feelings of … am I thinking the right way,, I feel guilty… then angry .. then confused .. not in that order

Of course he doesn't do anything if you keep giving him another chance. Why would he have any incentive to do this for you if you demonstrate you will stay with him anyway? I mean any decent partner/father/adult should WANT to contribute something to the household but you are really not setting boundaries and sticking to them. If he was a toddler and every time you said "no chocolate" and then gave him chocolate after 10 minutes do you think he would get the message that chocolate is not allowed or that if he just asks again you will give him chocolate?

Oh for goodness sake ! Why did you let him move in with you ?
and he already had children - how does / did he provide for them ?!!!

Find your bar and raise it off the floor !

Is the sex fantastic

and I suppose he spends his day cleaning / cooking / ironing / gardening / diy

alongside caring for his baby with you

@ShyLionesss the only solution is to kick him out. now. today. change the locks while he is out. leave his stuff outside the door
NEVER let him back in
you will get more in benefits without him
apply for child maintainance through cms once he starts working

there is no easy way to do this which makes you feel good. it's always going to feel shot because he has boiled you slowly. maybe a year after you kick him out you will realise how shit your life with him was. waiting will only make it harder.

and do it for your child. the money you are spending on this moron is money you could have saved for your child or used to buy something your child needs. every penny you spend on the man is depriving your child.

Sort your stuff out, finances, housing etc etc.

Ask him to leave, supply this request in writing.

If he refuses, go to court to get him evicted, once you have an eviction order you can get help to get him out.

Quicker alternative assuming he has no legal right to stay is to find family/friends to help 'encourage' him out, but obviously not everyone has that option.

Or... up and leave yourself.

Start making plans now, nothing can happen until you do.

I can't quite believe this post, sorry. Story keeps updating to make OP sound worse

I just ended it with him

well done!
couldn't have been easy. but I promise things will get better

Is he gone?

Good for you, if nothing else, it'll save you a fortune.

No I tried and tried as I don’t want a broken family,, he went to bed and couldn’t be bothered to get out of bed to sort us ,, my and my baby sleep in same room he has his room so baby don’t wake him .. forgot to say x

Well.done ending it. So is he in his bed now still?

I feel sad .. he makes out I nag every day I tell him how useless he is every day I say about him not working or providing for his baby .. that is true but I never say it to him as I feel bad if I upset him
I don’t do this , I keep him in food ,, provide for our baby
I keep him in designer clothes I always have sex well not always ,, but just so he can do his bit even when on period,, I will sort him .. sorry not sure if I can post that but it gets to me so much !! So many things I do and do abd do .. now I’m ranting and I’m sorry

It’s strange I asked the universe for a sign on weather I should stay or go …. Also with all your support and advice I have taken it all in .. so I thank you xxx

Yes as it’s easier as baby asleep and I can’t deal with the arguing,, I also suffer grand mal seizures.. so have to be careful… we don’t share a room together

I’m still away as brain is on overdrive.. thinking about future and weather this is the right decision

Op where is he now? Please don't feel guilty. You have given him so many chances. He has chosen to ignore them.

OP are you safe? Do you have family nearby? Is he still in the house?

This is absolutely the best decision for you and your baby. What was he contributing? Sex, and misery it sounds like. You deserve your money and energy for you and your baby! Good riddance.

I’m safe I promise
just feel gutted
for our baby and that we are not worth fighting for

I need to just think of the future and teaching my baby to be strong

I do really appreciate your advice and support I feel not so alone,, even though it’s all on line I just get comfort from knowing your thoughts

Amongst the other descriptions of this supposed 'partner' he is a Homosexual. Please be kind to yourself when removing this parasite from your life 🌸

I need to put my big girl pants on and be strong,,, he won’t change… I’m fighting a losing battle

X