To think Mumsnet is a load of bollocks?

[lexiebell]

What good advice do you ever get from here really? From everyone person that agrees one will say you are the worst (Mum,Wife,Friend) ever ! So judgemental and would love to know the people who are doing the judgement! Telling people to leave a marriage because of some minor upset, its a joke! Get a bloody life ,Life and Marriage isnt easy,we all get annoyed by stuff,but you dont give up cos the mumsnetters tell you ,RUN ,RUN FOR THE HILLS ,if you have good foundations,have some fight and try and make it work,dont forget sometimes the best most fulfilling route is not the easiest,but the best for you and your kids, we only hear one side on here dont forget ! Parenting is hard ,full stop ! Wether a single parent or otherwise( have been both )vulnerable people will be influenced by the sometimes shit advice on here,just please be careful what you dole out

If you can't cope with a spread of views the Internet is the wrong place to seek discourse.

I think the manner in which the views are expressed is often the problem on here. I know Mumsnet isn't the place for hearts and glitter, but there's got to be a happy medium between that and outright aggression. For example, I don't have a problem with swearing. I do plenty of it myself. But there's a huge difference between saying 'Don't let this fucking idiot walk all over you' and 'Why are you being such a fucking doormat?' I see way too much of the latter on here and you can bet your arse the people dishing it out wouldn't dare speak to people like that in real life. I'm sure plenty of women find themselves here after googling a problem they're having and get a right old shock at the reception they get, especially when they're told to 'fuck off to Nethuns' just because they have used the word 'hubby' or whatever other word is banned on here.

A big proportion of MN women are single, staunch feminist and live an otherwise a very sad & single lifestyle...so when fellow women who come over to seek advice regarding their relationship, they want them to be just like them : hence why you see comments along the lines of ltb, run for hills etc...

"Single and sad" (conflating the two?)

That is a misogynistic stereotype.

Single, childless women are actually the happiest demographic in society: https://www.psychologytoday.com/nz/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202102/why-so-many-single-women-without-children-are-happy

Sorry to burst your bubble.

Also, many of the women on here seem to be married.

Id say its great as a sounding board. People whove put up and shut up for years in abusive marriages who dont see it as abuse, have their eyes opened and sign posted to help available.

MN is tame compared to huge parts of the internet.

I think threads like this show up how much internet usage people have, how healthy their relationship with the internet is and where people spend time on the internet.

I think we could have a bingo card of sexist concepts about MN users from this thread tbh.

Agree tbh the amount of threads were op is told to leave her husband of many years that they have three kids together over some minor argument. Smh how many homes broken because of this site.
Aibu always gets really harsh answers don't get me wrong constructive criticism isn't a bad thing but reading comprehension seems to be poor on this site and ops sometimes get slated by people who don't even understand what they've said

I agree that LTB is bandied around way too frequently on here. On the other hand, some women really need to hear LTB.

@Heirian
That reads as sarcastic, critical, and nasty. One of many similar, sadly.

My first introduction to MN was the thread ‘is it marital rape?’. I found the responses amazing . MN at its very best, supporting a woman who was clearly under threat. The rest of the time it’s mixed with far too many suggestions of LTB - if only it were that simple. But I’ve had great advice from it.

I agree with the part about leaving a marriage for trivial reasons. Quite a few posters advised a woman to leave her husband because he hadn't remembered that she was allergic to penicillin.

Then there was an enormous leap by some posters, suggesting that this was proof that he didn't care about her at all. Quite ridiculous.

I stay out of the 'oh woe is me', as I find nothing you say really changes an embedded opinion and yes, the web is increasingly becoming a cesspit, a first stop for those that really should be talking to their family, or indeed just having an honest conversation with their partners and I could go on, but let's not. But, I have given advice when it has genuinely been asked for on MN, advice based on my work experience, on subjects such as benefits, dementia, schooling and have appreciated some of the funny posts, alongside product recommendations. I wonder if I can take or leave not just Mumsnet, but all sites, based on the fact that I grew up having to find my own way, research before the net and realising that people who have a glass barely full, will always have the loudest voice and the nastiest one! Take out, what you put in to this site and if you ignore the meanest, then there is support. Sadly the virtual is increasingly toxic but like the most efficient viruses I fear there is no vaccine for its harm yet!

I think the problem is that too many posters default to the AIBU board, when other boards would be more useful.
Also, many posters look for affirmation and get offended when they don't receive it.

I think the real problem is that so many women are putting up with terrible behaviour in relationships and think that other women are being cruel and putting the boot in, when they point out how awful their men are behaving.
I think on MN people can be a bit too blunt sometimes, but I honestly think it's rage at how poorly the OP is being treated and that she's not seeing it/makes excuses for him.

And you do get OPs who ask if they're being unreasonable or want solutions to a problem and then won't take any of the very good advice they receive.

I think if someone has been putting up with terrible behaviour or even aggressive behaviour DV etc They come on MN for support if words are to harsh /judgemental/nasty. The op will put barriers up. Shes been putting up with so much shit from her partner. Turns to MN gets shit from them to.

I disagree with your stereotypes. Yes maybe a proportion of users are staunch feminists. But talking about a sad single lifestyle?? Certainly wouldn't want go be under the control of some selfish man. How is that preferable.

Yes, I do agree that delivery of advice is important and if a person feels attacked, they are less likely to listen, even when the advice is good. But I personally haven't seen really harsh words to someone who is in a dire situation and needing immediate help. I believe that when it really matters, MN is at its best with genuine help and support.
But it's not a place for the over sensitive, since it's also not very tolerant of those who just want warm noises of sympathy or validation, rather than a solid plan of action. Some OPs just don't take it well when being told they might be in the wrong and start complaining about harsh treatment when what's happened is they've rightly been handed their arse. I think you do have to be a bit thick skinned and able to handle criticism and to accept that everyone comes at a situation from their own perspective, with the weight of all their own experiences.

I think it's been invaluable in the fight to protect women's rights though and agree with a pp that I don't think the Cass report would have happened without it.

Nice job of misrepresenting the thread. What he actually said was that he wasn't going to attempt to make any effort to remember about her allergy despite her specifically asking him to try to remember it for the future. Considering that could literally be a matter of life or death for that poster, I think that does speak volumes about his level of care and concern for her.

(And no, I wasn't one of those who told the OP to LTB, but I could see why someone might post to that effect.)

"Have a 🍪"
😆

Mumsnet is like the internet - if you use it appropriately then it can be extraordinary.

Use it like an eejit - then it sucks.

But if you look at the role it can play with the hidden suffering of anonymous posters - it's genius.

All the argy bargy is letting off steam which many of us could use more productively I'm sure.

But maybe an anonymous venting bear pit is a useful provision.

It’s making me smile 40% agree MN is bollocks and decided to vote on it - also that opinion is so
divided is part of the beauty.

OP already had some useful advice about the use of a space bar from a PP 😅

Agree with another PP about raising the bar of expectations in relationships in general, it’s amazing the difference it makes when you aren’t prepared to put up with BS “women are not service animals” is right!

On a lighter note I have a lovely heated throw thanks to some helpful MNetters and when I was home alone had the heating off all winter.

And pooof, op is gone. Quelle surprise!

I once had a pile on on the Christmas board because people didn’t like the jewellery I was buying for DD’s present 😂

Generally I think MN is a good source of advice to people who have slipped out of the norm- generally women in abusive relationships- where it’s maybe helpful to hear that what you’re experiencing isn’t what most people are experiencing behind closed doors. And that’s the light I tend to understand LTB in- not that the woman ought to feel obliged to leave , but that it’s being flagged that this is behaviour that it would be reasonable to leave over.

I think it’s a very bad source of advice for ordinary friendships and family relationships, where no one seems able to cut anybody any slack whatsoever and every exchange is viewed as a transaction.

I haven't been on here long but if I was that upset I would just leave the group.

@PeonyAndBlushSuede

over 6 hours already.

@lexiebell

it can be (these days) a cesspit.

However, outside of AIBU there are plenty of places on MN with knowledgable posters who are kind & supportive & can offer sound advice in a huge variety of things.

It's up to you if you just see the cesspit or venture out to find the other places.

Don’t necessarily think it’s a cesspit but there is a strong ‘keyboard warrior’ vibe from some posters. It also amazes me the massive assumptions and jumps people will make in order to reply unpleasantly.

That being said, I only ever see it on this AIBU forum.