To think Mumsnet is a load of bollocks?

[lexiebell]

What good advice do you ever get from here really? From everyone person that agrees one will say you are the worst (Mum,Wife,Friend) ever ! So judgemental and would love to know the people who are doing the judgement! Telling people to leave a marriage because of some minor upset, its a joke! Get a bloody life ,Life and Marriage isnt easy,we all get annoyed by stuff,but you dont give up cos the mumsnetters tell you ,RUN ,RUN FOR THE HILLS ,if you have good foundations,have some fight and try and make it work,dont forget sometimes the best most fulfilling route is not the easiest,but the best for you and your kids, we only hear one side on here dont forget ! Parenting is hard ,full stop ! Wether a single parent or otherwise( have been both )vulnerable people will be influenced by the sometimes shit advice on here,just please be careful what you dole out

This place is great. I've been here for over a decade. It has helped me get through many dark times.

AIBU is my fav board.

I had some excellent advice and some really kind words here the other week under a different name. Yes there was the odd post of someone just sticking the boot in. But mostly people were very very helpful and kind.

Well, you could repost in Pedant's Corner and they would happily critique your grammar for you.

That would probably be helpful.

You know what I find - you have to be a wordsmith on mumsnet. It’s all about the way that you phrase your questions.

I’ve posted a question and received slaunder and stupid comments. I’ve posted other things and have enjoyed the response - and have even taken some things on board.

it’s a very strange place - that doesn’t feel very mum friendly

It's funny because I read the tattle threads about mn too. They love to feel oh so superior and above it all. However, somebody on here posted some kind of contentious food thread and the people on tattle prattled on and on and on about food and weight and diets for pages and pages. Same same but different ey.

is this a Philip Larkin poem?

I can't stand the "this is obviously fake" replies lol just because you have never encountered such a situation or can't imagine it then it must be fake. I don't think I would ever ask for advice on here because let's be honest lol it gets fucking ridiculous and I do wonder what fucking planet some people live on.

where the fuck on the internet does it say mumsnet is here as an agony aunt and support forum. It is the same as any online forum. Some people get rude awakenings and some get good advice. who cares, it's a big bad internet out there.

I got a lot of support earlier this year when I was really panicking about a house full of builders for what turned out to be something like 8/9 weeks. I'd only had a couple of days notice before Christmas that the work would start on the 2nd of Jan and it was incredibly disruptive (living in a building sight, with a house full of strange blokes, and mitigating disability and working from home throughout!)...

As with many things though, you get out what you put in...

It’s so toxic these days and I swear people just say stuff to upset posters and make them feel like crap. I don’t know what kick people get out of it, maybe bored mums. I wouldn’t post, as sadly I’ve seen so many people ripped to shreds. Yes there are some supportive people and all credit to them, but unfortunately the others just make mumsnet (and AIBU especially) a toxic place where women enjoy ripping other women to shreds

Tattle is even worse

Traditionally Mumsnet is left wing. It does seem to have become more ascerbic over the past few years and for some reason, sometimes posters create a pile on. I’ve learned so much on here and seen and given lots of support over the years. From time to time I’ve received that support myself. Now, for example is one of those times. My dd has and eating disorder and this place is invaluable to me right now.

@Mummyoflittledragon Traditionally Mumsnet is left wing

Always used to be. Increasingly seeing that not the case now though.

I mostly find mumsnet funny and occasionally some fantastic posts. Sure I don’t really buy into the - go no contact for trivial fall outs, become a self appointed psychiatrist or psychologist and diagnose everyone you can. In fact it concerns me somewhat that so many people don’t seem to have developed the skills to work through issues.

I agree with you there. People aren’t just who they vote for though and everyone should be welcomed. The site at its best is an opportunity to inform and educate others.

I do find on either that men are either the scum of the earth, or they're either someone's DH who apparently is so gorgeous women stare at him all the time, he wakes up every morning at 4am to do 6 lots of ironing and clean the house from top to bottom before going to work and him and OP haven't said a bad word to each other in their 8040 years of marriage. Hmmm 🤣

Other forums are available

I enjoy the eloquent writing, like yours, OP.

^ was going to write exactly this!

I love Mumsnet but it is increasingly hard to have a nuanced discussion. No one gives the op the benefit of the doubt anymore. People are desperate seemingly to find fault and point score which is a shame.

However, it is still one of the last places on the internet where women’s voices can be heard freely and women’s issues discussed and, especially with tbe way the rest of the internet is going, we need this space!

"Why are women so angry?" Have you not being paying attention?!

Tbf some of it are issues for OPs. If they misrepresent situation, mislead others etc, of course they will not get good advice.

As I said yesterday on (probably your bassd on this thread and the fit on the deleted one) a thread.
Number of OPs who completely misrepresent situation and then have hissy fit is getting ridiculous.

"he sulks when I say no to sex"
.....
"he doesn't sulk you evil bitches, I just used that word for him not having positive reaction. Fuck of bitter women"

I don't recognise anything on MN that resembles what the OP describes. Seriously, anyone seeking advice from internet randoms is doing so of their own volition so less of the "vulnerable" (how could posters know this?). Also not sure how single parents need special consideration.

I don't think the Cass review would have happened without mumsnet.

I love chatting to anyone/everyone especially online, I find in person it can drain me a bit.
I also enjoy the difference in conversation with strangers who live different lifestyles to me.
I've had a few vicious comments left to me which have been totally unnecessary, but I've overwhelmingly more so had some lovely chats, talked to some wonderful people who I'd happily call my friends, online or not.
There are posters who have been struggling at their end of life, or who's children have become troubled, posters who are struggling with DV etc and I like to think no matter how it's worded to them, the general vibe is posters do want to give other posters in bad situations kind words or advice.
In these modern times when people are often to drained socially/busy with life it's nice for women especially I think, to have people to chat to without the commitment or the dedicated set time to give to a real life friend.
You can dip in and out and there is always someone available. The threads when posters are at a&e alone etc, that's when mumsnet and I'm sure other forums really bloom into their own.
As I say, I've had a few vicious comments from people wanting to tear down how I've worded something, how I talk or just to disagree with something I've said which hasn't actually been controversial at all, they've just tried to engage me in an argument.
Unless I feel strongly enough to have a debate about something then I'm not letting someone ruin my online experiences because they can only improve their own by bullying someone behind a screen. Get to fuck with that, I'm too old, tired, cheerful and disinterested for those posters.
Posters who want to talk about food, fashion, share nice things or need support and handholding I'm here for. I'm happy to engage with threads I think I might be able to give some advice with, happy to give my own opinions and take those of others on board.
(A poster posted ages ago now saying she didn't like a phrase I used categorically, I haven't used it since!)

There are sometimes threads full of dreadful piles on undeserving posters, a few I've messaged to check on and they've really struggled mentally with such ferocious and unnecessary comments and I think that is when the Internet, not just specific to this forum but any, becomes dangerous.

On the whole I really enjoy the people here, I like learning about their lives or hearing there stories and little wins. It might not be a physical one but if you find the right thread and posters, mn is an emotional village.

I’ve pretty consistently received really useful, excellent advice here - specifically on (off the top of my head): What We’re Reading (especially the “50/26 Books a Year” rolling threads), Food/Recipes, Vegan (I’m not, but often hosting or travelling with those who are), Holidays, UK Travel, Style & Beauty, Telly Addicts, Feminism/Sex & Gender, and Scotsnet.

I guess that I am lucky that I haven't had to ask for more serious help, but in the threads I've seen where people ask for or could benefit from that type of help, they get good advice (and again, unless the person asks otherwise, very specifically UK advice) on what resources to access for further information. People may have to weed through a lot of dross to get to the useful stuff, but is that worse than not having it available at all?

Off you pop ? Who actually says that even but someone on here

LOL! I’m also sometimes confused by the language - but I saw something at one point that said that 85% of Mumsnet’s audience is in the UK and Ireland, so if you’re from another country and don’t have much UK exposure there are probs a lot of things that seem like “Mumsnet expressions”. I have a pair of (much loved and worn) mulberry rubber midcalf rainboots I call my “Mumsnet boots” because I only ever hear about the brand (Joules) on Mumsnet; they’re not normally available in my country.

TiberiusFlam: It is weird how men are seen as not really human. Interesting point. I haven't noticed this on Mumsnet particularly, more a kind of backlash to the fact that worldwide, women are not seen as fully human and are treated accordingly in ways that materially and substantially hurt. Of course no men should be hurt in the pursuit of women being treated as humans, but women aren't support animals either.