To not make 22 month old say please and thank you

[Sleepygrumpyandnothappy]

Obviously I encourage it sometimes, but generally I’m not fussed about ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.

DS (not yet 2) is a late talker and not really stringing two words together. If he’s persistently asking for more I’ll encourage him to say please, and I always model “thank you” but otherwise it’s not something we prioritise. I was very aware seeing SIL at the weekend that their two year old is told to say please and thank you all the time. Eg “would you like an apple or banana”, “banana”, “say ‘banana please’”. I find it quite jarring as it’s used far more than normal adult speech would require/expect.

Are we bringing DS up to be a rude little horror?

I agree actually and I do think manners are very important and DS (3.5) now says please and thank you unprompted mostly but he couldn’t say them at 20 months, he only had around twenty words! So why would you force a child to say a word they can’t say yet! How strange.

At 22 months, I don't think you can force them say please and thank you, but you can certainly encourage it as well as model it.

This is what most speech professionals recommend for all speech aquisition including please and thank you.

Also you SIL sounds like a PITA!

I am not British, but hate with a passion forcing manners on small children. The “what’s the magic word” brigade. I have raised 3 now very well
mannered adults without ever forcing them to say the magic word!

My eldest didn't really talk until she was 3. Was in speech therapy and used sign language. We talked to her all the time and we still said taught her please and thank you. For example, she would sign for orange juice. I would say 'I would like Orange Juice please' and she would say 'yeh' and nod. I would then say 'good girl.'

Bear in mind, when she was assessed, she had 12 words, so we didn't actually expect her to say please but I was modelling the full sentence. She only said 'yes' at pre-school.

When she was 3, literally, in the back of the car, she started talking. It was so shocking- I can still remember it vividly. After that, she caught up- but we had already taught her so much by constantly showing her full sentences but not putting any pressure of her to actually say it. So pretty quickly, she was asking for OJ and I could then say 'please' and she knew to add it onto the end.

I may be partly feeling a bit aggrieved because apparently saying “the magic word” means a child can just take a toy off someone else, rather than learning they can’t always get what they want.

My 22 month old always says please and thank you - so do my older children . I don’t understand how it’s an effort and if you just say it every time it’s required they absorb it and by the time they are 4/5 say it automatically.

I can’t stand ta so I say thank you!

Keep modelling and then you child will catch on. I work with a number of children's activities. Regardless of social class/economic background, children who have been taught to be polite are actually in my experience also more confident generally. My late mother taught me that 'manners cost nothing, but make life so much more pleasant'. Why wouldn't you want your child to present the best behaviour possible.

The insincere 'sorry' also seems to count for more than it should.

My son is almost 2 and a half, and he's a late talker. He's only just now starting to say more words. I do always model it by saying please and thank you when I ask him to give me something and say thank you when he gives me stuff. I'm hoping he picks it up naturally, like how he picked up "here you go" when I would pass him things.

It’s all overthinking.

My DS has a speech delay and that age, we hired a private speech therapist and honestly the focus was just to get him to say actual words ‘eg ‘star’ instead of just ‘ar’. We were ecstatic if he just said a word. Please and thank you were the last thing on our minds. He’s now 3 and a half and says please and thank you all the time. Especially please. I’d say for a kid who’s not even 2, don’t worry about it yet. It will come.

Just keep on modelling OP and congratulate him when he gets it right and he'll do just fine. Let SIL do her thing and you do yours. The result will be the same but your boy and everyone around you will be happier :)

I'm a teacher in a specialist speech and communication setting

Saying please and thank you when you have a speech issue can actually limit communication -particularly if a child is not at the point of linking words

Forcing them to say please a thank you when a child is not typically developing language puts them at risk of losing the information carrying word -especially if the adults are focusing on the 'please'

Using match and stretch language (so repeating their word and adding an extra one) is a great way of modelling language, but we would never advocate 'making' a child repeat a word (especially when that word doesn't actually mean anything)

With sister in law.
One of my children was non verbal and used to sign please and thank you.
My other daughter was taught to say please and thank you at this age.
Everyone now comments on how well mannered they are and I often find their friends are rude as they do not have the same level of manners.
They will get further in life if they are aware of societal expectations, the earliest and biggest being manners.

Children do as they see, not as they are told.
They will model your own behaviour. They’ll be fine
I find it quite jarring when small child is constantly told to say please and thank you-but I’m not english and prioritise other things ( honest direct communication ) over “manners”

Yes. HTH.

100% this 🙌🏻

My son was a late talker and I always modelled it for him until he could talk, once he could talk confidently he just started saying them himself.

People always comment on his manors. I do think their important

I literally had a senco training session with a salt today. She specifically said that she would rather the child uses functional language rather than polite language. Enable the child to get their needs across. At two, it doesn't matter if they don't use please and than you, if they have a speech delay. That will come later

With SIL. Brought my 3 up saying please and 'ta' (horror!) and even my son with ASD has great manners.

This!

I always try to get my 2 year old to say please and thank you. He doesn’t always say it but I always add please or thank you for him to copy. I think it’s really important: my nephew is 6 and he rarely says it and I find it so jarring.

Model, model, model. Instructing children what to say only means they learn they have to say something to please you, they do not learn the value of it. I am a child psychotherapist with a specialist area in brain development and I find this need to instruct children rather than model very frustrating and it does not work with the strengths of the child's developing brain. As long as you say please and thank you they will pick it up and say it in context when their language and understanding is ready for it.

I find it rude If a toddler takes without saying “ Thank you” or “please” when asking for something-
Just silently taking IS Ill mannered.

I’m with SIL.

18 month old DS is encouraged and prompted to say please and ta.