DH wants to Move us all to NZ…

[Notnowbarnaby]

… because he’s had a job offer and he’s increasingly concerned about the threat of war. (We are in the UK).
we have one DS who is just about to start school in September and is currently getting settled into the idea/going to taster sessions.
im not currently working. I was self employed previously. I’ve had a look online and it seems like DH would get the visa for the job offer and we could apply for a NZ Family Visa and try to get residency there once there, but I’m unclear about whether I’d need to work in order to hold that Visa - I’m not against working at all and we agreed I’d pick up my self employed business again when DS goes to school but I don’t think that would be an option under the working requirements there.
DH keeps saying the company would sort it all but I think it’s such a sudden huge decision and I’m worried that he’s just forging ahead with it because of his anxiety about the world situation.
weve never even been to NZ. We don’t know anyone out there, I don’t know anything about it or the schooling system etc.
it’s so far away as well we wouldn’t be able to see friends and family regularly. I’m worried about how DS would adapt.
im not enthusiastic as you can tell but DH thinks it’s a smart move
AIBU to want to dig my feet in about this and say no?!

Well, that more than anything else tells me how worthless your opinion of anything is. 😂

Seriously, do you really think you are helping OP with your inane comments?

Don't be alarmed about the war scaremongering. But please do look at it for other reasons and form a balanced judgment as to whether your life will improve. Really do research and look at what is on offer job wise etc.

We lived in NZ and came back a few years ago. We are highly skilled so can move to pretty much anywhere but it is a huge huge huge regret we came back. Everything about this country is broken. An inflow of 1.4 million immigrants with no public services to support that.

We are lucky our kids are in excellent schools but we pay for private dentistry and also increasingly private GP appointments as cannot get appointments unless it is for children and urgent. Any hospital treatment unless A&E type stuff we now pay for. Our youngest needed a hospital investigation and late last year we got the appointment for October 2025!!. On top of that, I drove down one of the millions of potholes and caused £1500 damage to my car wheel and steering rack. It finished us off and we decided to look at returning to NZ.

We are well on with planning return now but my husband has an amazing job offer now in another country so we are having to mull that over. In any event we are deciding when to put the house up for sale as we don't want to rent before leaving.

Kids are ok with the move but they do still have memories and loved the outdoor life before.

Just be clear what things you like as a family and go from there. Yes there are downsides but frankly from talking to old friends we left behind, it is a lot better there.

Why not Aus....too hot!!

Innane? Or valid but contrary to your preference...

I’ve been a trailing spouse. Admittedly only in a few European countries. It can be very hard to adjust even if you speak the language (which I did in a couple of the countries and learned it in a third). I didn’t have children at the time, which made things infinitely easier for dh and I.

Moving away can put a strain on a marriage, especially where children are involved. I saw the breakdown of a marriage, where the couple had 2 children and the wife couldn’t cope with being away from home and her dh doing longer hours. She clearly had some mental health issues going on and felt a lack of support, especially as he worked later and had evening work events from time to time and there was some travel involved etc. Up until that point, she had lived near her family and until recently he’d been in the army and she couldn’t cope with his not having set hours anymore. Recognising her inability to cope, he allowed her to return home with the children and appeared on the face of it very reasonable.

Your dh is the one with the mental health issues. He seems paranoid and appears to have gone down a rabbit hole. What next would be my question. Will he become more extremist in his beliefs? There is no way on earth I would move to a foreign land with my child under these circumstances, especially one, so far away from home. You will not be allowed to return to the uk if / when things become worse and you will be trapped with a child, who due to his young age will forever feel he is a New Zealander.

I think you miss the taste of home. No country has the remedy for that, and I think you'll find not even the one you left.

If your husband wants to go, let him. Don't stand in his way.

If you want to stay, stay. The company will look after him while he's there and you can sort out home and kids.

In the unlikely event of war, you're better off here as it will be not only global but you want to be among friends.

@tiredinoratia
So, it’s ok for you to heavily criticise, insult and condemn your host country but it’s not ok for others to react those accusations without you then throwing out “mean” and “bullying” cards?? We are just being honest…

Hi OP, I'm in NZ.

It definitely has its downsides. The worst for me is the houses have no central heating and are FREEZING in the winter. I am constantly cold for about 3-4 months of the year. I just can't seem to stay warm, maybe because I'm slim. If you move out here make sure you're carrying extra weight to keep you warm in the winter months or in menopause and having hot flashes.

That or get a house with central heating - there aren't many and they are more expensive.

Also, the cost of living is eye-watering. Much more expensive than the UK. Don't expect to pay less than half a million pounds for a house and it's often a flimsy structure, akin to glorified shed. For half a million quid.

There isn't much going on/much in terms of culture and I often have the sense that I'm at the arse end of the world.

'The houses don't have heating...' 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Houses in southern europe don't have heating
Some places in the world don't have electricity!!!!

OMG!!

I think you'll find that's wrong -

BUT shock news - You can buy heaters if you want them!!

Go to NZ
It is a fantastic country. Friendly people, interesting native culture, outdoorsy, smaller classes, so many opportunities.
So many ignorant and negative people responding here. Particularly from those with no idea, no imagination, and a lot of ignorance

I'm in NZ and have oil heaters in rooms. It isn't the same kind of warmth that central heating provides, and you don't stay as warm. It's also incredibly expensive compared to running a gas boiler.

If they live in Rotorua, they'll get cheap geothermal heating!
Yes, there are differences in many aspects of life, but Jesus, it is so much better in NZ

Well, ermm, it's 16 deg c outside here, 5.15 pm, will be dark in 30 mins. I have the wood burner going, not because it's particularly cold, but because it's useful to have my vegetable soup (all home-grown) pottering for supper. Cuts the cost of power enormously. And I want a cuppa. Actually I have 3 houses, not one is cold, 2 have wood burners, one has a very efficient heat pump, and is passively heated by the huge glass doors with a view across the Pacific. Our tenants are very happy. Yes, everything is expensive at the moment, and I keep my own grown kids fed by boxes of produce from my garden. The produce grows on compost from my bin and free horse manure. I learned at my Granny's knee how to garden. I trade eggs for oysters with the fishermen across the road. My English relatives-in-law think we're very primitive. We want for nothing by careful management of the environment, and can do it because of our wonderful climate. And earthquakes? None here in the North. Volcanoes, yes, but they died millennia ago. Actually, the last earthquake I felt was in Norfolk in 2009.

Can't agree with you on the Whittikers. :-) However you are right that wages are low, food is expensive, the houses aren't generally well insulated, and public transport might take a bit to adjust to if you're used to something as amazing as the service of the London Underground. Tall poppy syndrome is definitely a thing (but maybe not with sports?).

Every country has it's poverty and social problems.

Why not Aus....too hot!!

Not in Canberra :)

You do adjust. If I went back to NZ now, I'd miss having hot days and I have always hated the heat in general. I wouldn't miss the fire risk though.

Better depends what you want and what you're comparing it too.

Can I just say you have the best username I have ever seen.

You both need to be fully onboard, and to have researched extensively. NZ is a small place where everyone knows everyone a f it can feel very claustrophobic.
You need a back up plan for several eventualities- and to make sure you can work it run your enterprise.
Travelling across the world, to be financially dependent on someone - not the best idea

Wow, lots of comments from people who aren’t intimately familiar with NZ.

your ds is at a great age to move.

nz is brilliant if you are on a very high salary. I would say nz$400,000. If your dh salary is in that ballpark I would go like a shot.

you need to be able to either buy a house next door to the best state schools or pay for private school fees.

food in Nz is incredibly eye wateringly expensive if you like a variety of fruit and vege. This is ameliorated by high income referred to above.

apart from modern high spec new builds, there is no integrated heating in houses and electricity is expensive as no nuclear power. 80% of nz is COLD in winter. Properly cold. Again high income would address this.

May be visa issues if serious health issues. Nz immigration is very, very tough and it is not a welfare state. If you are left-leaning politically you may find the current right wing government hard to stomach.

i could go on ; feel free to ask me anything as I split my time between Nz and uk and have done so for years.

I know several people who moved to NZ and love it there and others who lived there for a while and returned to the UK. But none who went because their husband was paranoid about war.

A decision like that for a couple should be made jointly - he shouldn't have applied for the job without your enthusiastic consent. And I would never move somewhere without visiting it first.

He is BU, YANBU.

I agree with everyone else, OP. I think your husband needs to address his fears first, at home, rationally, before you make any life-altering changes.
I do want to say that all the people I know who have traveled to New Zealand, say it’s lovely and all the friends I have there are lovely too.
I wish you the best of luck.

I was comparing life there to here (UK) particularly in recent years, although I see that it is harping back to the days of Muldoon after losing Jacinda.
Admittedly, I haven't lived there for quite some time, but I loved it, all of it. Even the rain (east coast)
Thank you for the comment re the username!

I have friends still there and they tell me it takes 6 weeks or more to get a GP appointment. Then again, they don't live in a major centre, so maybe that makes a difference? Then again, reading on here, it seems like the UK has that issue in places too. I could probably get a GP appointment the next day where I am. Sometimes same day.

For us 'better' isn't NZ and while I believe in 'never say never', we have no intention of ever returning.

We too are currently in the process of a move to NZ. We visited last year and fell in love with the place and though DH is slightly more keen than I am, I do think it’s the best thing for my children.
I am happy to share my experiences with you if you want to message me.

I think NZ is not a bad place to live at all (I particularly like the fact that the roads aren't crowded and there isn't tons of traffic/ppl), but it does have definite downsides, the poor standard of housing being one of them. Very noticeable coming from a country where the standards are higher.