DH wants to Move us all to NZ…

[Notnowbarnaby]

… because he’s had a job offer and he’s increasingly concerned about the threat of war. (We are in the UK).
we have one DS who is just about to start school in September and is currently getting settled into the idea/going to taster sessions.
im not currently working. I was self employed previously. I’ve had a look online and it seems like DH would get the visa for the job offer and we could apply for a NZ Family Visa and try to get residency there once there, but I’m unclear about whether I’d need to work in order to hold that Visa - I’m not against working at all and we agreed I’d pick up my self employed business again when DS goes to school but I don’t think that would be an option under the working requirements there.
DH keeps saying the company would sort it all but I think it’s such a sudden huge decision and I’m worried that he’s just forging ahead with it because of his anxiety about the world situation.
weve never even been to NZ. We don’t know anyone out there, I don’t know anything about it or the schooling system etc.
it’s so far away as well we wouldn’t be able to see friends and family regularly. I’m worried about how DS would adapt.
im not enthusiastic as you can tell but DH thinks it’s a smart move
AIBU to want to dig my feet in about this and say no?!

We moved out to NZ from the UK for a better life for our children and never regretted it. We took a risk and went out on the visa that allows people from the UK to visit for six months if they have means to support themselves.

OH found himself a job there in the first month and applied for a work visa, and we were there for three years. We would have been there still if an even better opportunity hadn't come up elsewhere.

I don't know where you would be going but we were on the North shore of Auckland and the state schools there were absolutely superb. The children had no problem switching to an international school in another country afterwards.

It was an idyllic three years of sunshine, lots of freedom for the children, and the chance to see a completely different part of the world. One of my favourite memories is when I was teaching at my children's primary school and we all sat on the grass overlooking the water to watch the New Zealand team win the America's cup.

I wouldn't rule out giving it a go without at least doing some research. I have always thought that new countries are pretty much what you make of them. I have read huge amounts of negativity on Mumsnet about every single country in which we have lived over the years. And yet we've managed to have a great time in them.

We've ended up in Australia after a few decades of travelling around the world. To read posts on here, you would think Australia was a cesspit of skin cancer, racists, relentless heat, snakes and unaffordable accommodation. Whereas we have found it to be friendly, welcoming, our children have had good experiences in the state schools and universities here, great medical system, and there has been a very good work life balance for us both. Guaranteed summers and plenty of cold weather too if you want it. UK tourists always point out how expensive it is here without realising that we also earn a lot more for the same jobs.

Obviously, there are downsides to every single country, including the UK! But if you have a positive attitude, you can have a lot of fun seeing the world and giving your children some broadening experiences. It isn't for everyone, but it's nowhere near as bad as it's sometimes portrayed.

I lived there for 30 years. I don't think that's a short visit.

Great post - I’ve recently moved to Australia and love it, our kids were older and they have absolutely thrived. Classes are smaller, the provision for DD dyslexia is amazing and this is in the state system. We love it here and it is expensive but we are well paid. Lots of naysayers on this thread and I’d agree don’t move unless it is something you actively want to do. I love the UK and miss elements of it but part of the reason we left was largely in part to the decline the UK is in, political apathy and no faith an incoming government would turn the ship. Nowhere is a utopia however.

I'm in NZ. A NZer since my Scots ancestors fled Arran for a better life in 1858. My DH is from the UK. We met while I was working in the UK, on the understanding that I wanted to return "home" after a decade or so. 12 years on, he was reluctant. We came anyway. Now, he cannot believe what he has come to. Paradise, he says. We live in the sub-tropical Far North, in a town full of European refugees. Artists, writers. thinker, travellers, academics. We have visiting concerts, a cinema showing all manner of thought-provoking films, groups discussing geology, genetics, archaeology, current affairs, teaching French, Japanese and Spanish. We have an acre of gardens and orchards, and live off what we produce. Bananas, olives, avocados, figs, apples, tomatoes, peaches, plums, oranges, limes, mandarines, eggs. The only thing we don't grow is coffee. The sea is full of fish and shellfish, the sky is clear and unpolluted, We live in shorts and tees most of the year...it's winter here a.t.m. and last night the overnight low was 14 deg c. The days are mild in winter and even in summer, it rarely goes above 30 deg. I can be in Sydney door-to-door in less than 4 hours, in London in less than a day. Yes, TV is crap, but we have the internet. Yes, we're short of GPs, but in an emergency, we can be airlifted to the country's biggest hospital in less that 40 minutes. If I hadn't had DGC here, I would have stayed in the UK. But weighing it up...Manchester/Far North NZ, there is absolutely no comparison. DH is ex-military, and is very anxious about the developments in Europe, especially Putin's cornered-bull mentality. There's no place like NZ - the world's final lifeboat. Oh, and my American nephew and family recently migrated here. For the same reasons.

You could - join a Facebook group for expats in NZ to find out more, watch YouTube videos as a family about NZ, ask the UK based NZ embassy for advice on the visa and any work expectations. We moved overseas (for my job) and are both loving it. Always a potential sacrifice but also lots of opportunities. We intend to go back to UK in time. It is however a massive change and DH needs to also think through lots of the challenges, not just the perceived benefits. I’d also be looking at what support the company provides, we got help with visas. accommodation, schooling, medical cover etc.

If you are close to your family I would stay where you are. Living over there won't solve all your problems and not being near family, especially when they get old and die, is heartbreaking.

NZ is likely to be caught on the crossfires if conflict with Taiwan escalates, has he thought about that?

It's no doubt a wonderful country, but it's another country, it's really far from the UK and the only reason for moving there appears to be that a grown man is having a mad irrational panic, so no, please don't move there.

NZ schools are pretty low-scoring by international standards - very low-scoring for a country that has so many things going for it and spends so much on its eduction system. Not bashing NZ, it's an amazing country in many ways, but the education system is not a reason for going there; general accounts I've heard from people familiar with the schools there is that the education is very relaxed and "nice" but not terribly rigorous. Lot of ridiculous post-modernist claptrap in the way humanities and science are taught, too. That said, you can find private schools that teach the Cambridge English syllabus; I'd use one of them if I lived in NZ.

But really, this isn't about whether NZ is good, bad or indifferent; it's about the insanity of just leaving and going to another country based on your DH's paranoia. People who go to other countries based on this kind of reasoning seldom make a success of their change in location, IME. International relocations tend to work out best when both partners are fully behind the move, are going for the right reasons, and have a realistic and sensible idea of what things are likely to be like in other countries.

Is he not worried about NZ military defences?

I think this is the thread the first poster is referring to. If you want to leave and your DH wants to stay it could be a problem. I still wonder how this woman is doing. https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3877702-Just-need-to-share-no-solution

I'd be more worried about massive earthquakes living in NZ than war here.

It's pretty shit here. Been here 10 years. It's parochial, racist and if the national psyche were a person they would have a cluster B diagnosis.

It's expensive, far away and as your family grows harder to 'pop back'. It is more innocent in some ways (the kids aren't overly sexualised like in the UK) but as a whole it's boring as fuck. Also? If you're here and one of you hates it you'll never settle. Plus you'll need amd exotic plan before you're kids become too entrenched. Getting back into schools in the UK from overseas is also a nightmare and youll get offered the sink school dregs. Wages are shit. Food is expensive. Houses are cold. Transport is crap.

Might one ask why you bother to stay if it's so shit?

@tiredinoratia
Planes do fly out of NZ so I suggest you board one and leave. NZ would really appreciate that.

I was thinking just the same thing. I can't imagine they will be missed - sounds like just another "whinging Pom". 😂

Nah just honest...

Join a NZ expat Facebook group - get the lowdown from people who live there, not from people who've never lived abroad. I'm amazed at people here are saying they would never live abroad because they have no connections or family. I've lived on the other side of the world and it can be amazing and such an adventure! You can integrate with locals or you can live in a bubble with other expats in the same situation.

But I agree that your DH's reasons are not good ones and it sounds like it would be a permanent move for him.

I came here 15 years ago because of my Kiwi boyfriend, then husband. We live in a Central Auckland suburb in a three bedroom house with a very large garden. Yes, being here has downsides, yes, the distance and its consequences are real. I do think that my children (11 and 14) have pretty good lives. Their schools are decent and not too stressful. They are out a lot just hanging out (the weather is generally good rarely too hot, rarely cold), play sports, go for bike rides, go surfing but also learn to play music instruments, do art etc. We have an amazing neighborhood several families with 2-3 children aged 6 to 16, all supporting each other, carpooling for sports practices, celebrating good things, helping when needed. This growing up together has been so good for them - learning how to share, resolve conflicts , work together.

That would be my question too.

Granted, food is expensive. But it's certainly not boring here, we're out most weekends doing things (and we're not "sporty"). It's winter and I'm sitting at home wearing shorts and a singlet, I turned the heatpump off a while ago. Does it get cold outside? Absolutely, but so does the UK. And transport isn't crap everywhere, we have a great public transport system where I am.

We hated Australia, so we left. I know people who love their lives there though.

I agree that the education system isn't what you'd move to NZ but as it's in the top third of the OECD (and still above the UK though the latter has improved) it's hardly substandard. It also has a different focus, meaning comparisons aren't that easy.

Have a bar of Whittakers and chill out! 😀

Trapped by circumstance a cautionary tale.

Funny how my honesty has triggered others cognitive dissonance because we may have different opinions...

Defensive and mean (get a plane out)

Name calling (whinging pom)

Case in point really...

OP. You do you but one of the best things about NZ is it's ability ro market itself as utopia to those not here..

In your shoes I'd want to hear the other side too not just the pollyanna story NZ is good at sharing.

Do your own research look up the bullying, tall poppy syndrome, poverty and deprivation stats.

It tastes like shit. Can only get real Cadburys from Crackerjack and that's only when it's slightly out of date.

So is the bullying...