DH wants to Move us all to NZ…

[Notnowbarnaby]

… because he’s had a job offer and he’s increasingly concerned about the threat of war. (We are in the UK).
we have one DS who is just about to start school in September and is currently getting settled into the idea/going to taster sessions.
im not currently working. I was self employed previously. I’ve had a look online and it seems like DH would get the visa for the job offer and we could apply for a NZ Family Visa and try to get residency there once there, but I’m unclear about whether I’d need to work in order to hold that Visa - I’m not against working at all and we agreed I’d pick up my self employed business again when DS goes to school but I don’t think that would be an option under the working requirements there.
DH keeps saying the company would sort it all but I think it’s such a sudden huge decision and I’m worried that he’s just forging ahead with it because of his anxiety about the world situation.
weve never even been to NZ. We don’t know anyone out there, I don’t know anything about it or the schooling system etc.
it’s so far away as well we wouldn’t be able to see friends and family regularly. I’m worried about how DS would adapt.
im not enthusiastic as you can tell but DH thinks it’s a smart move
AIBU to want to dig my feet in about this and say no?!

Why not try it? It’s an amazing opportunity for all of you. Keep your house in Uk and rent it out. Rent in NZ till you know if you want to stay

It’s an amazing opportunity for all of you

...to be completely dependent on someone who is showing worrying signs of mental instability.

It's a huge move to make on a whim. Maybe he could go and work. If he found it okay after about 6 months then I would seriously think about it but not before. The brass isn't always greener on the other side.

OP what’s the discussion with husband been like in terms of what happens if you decide you don’t want to go? How has he responded to that option ? His reply to that will be quite telling. Would he accept it graciously and your marriage continue on as normal in the uk? Is there a chance he might become resentful of having to give up the job offer ? Is there a chance he may go anyway even if you say you won’t go with the children? How did he come to have a job offer without this being pre discussed ?

i would pay a lot if attention to how he is communicating as unless your marriage is rock solid - and even if it is- I would be very wary of putting yourself in a position where you become his dependant overseas. Having a power imbalance away from your friends and family and support network would be a concern.

it is if its not polished 😂

Knowing if you do want to leave, it will be without your child(ren) unless your husband gives permission for them to leave the country and if he leaves you, you might get kicked out of the country when the children become adults whether you want to leave them or not (depending on your visa).

I can't believe the number of people in Britain who are sleepwalking into disaster. Do you really think that Putin is going to simply take the Ukraine and sit down, saying..."that's all I wanted, thanks"? A tactical nuke at the very least. the Baltic States...what then? Sorry, but we are indeed in the days of 1938. And I'd much rather be here in the South Pacific, where we can at least feed ourselves. There must be a reason why so much of our choice land is now owned by Americans fleeing the coming storm.

maybe we'd rather live life on the edge, rather than living in sleepy NZ with highly strung types like you.

That’s quite rude.
I think sleepy sounds idyllic actually.

"Highly strung" forsooth. You don't know me, darling...has the UK fallen so far as to disallow opinion without ad hominem attacks?

And, believe me, sleepy is idyllic indeed. And WTF does "living life on the edge" actually mean?

a big mug of camomile tea and you'll be right as rain.

no need to worry your head about bombs headed our way.

Oh, so no actual answer then. OK.

'living life on the edge' means I'm not going to be getting myself in a tizzy over what Putin might get up to. Sorry if that bothers you.

you think the UK is doomed. you're happy to be in NZ.

And I'd rather be in the UK than NZ.

We're both happy.

Why are you so touchy if you’re so comfortable and so delighted with your lot?

Because the 'end is nigh' brigade are tiresome. Another day I might laugh, but I've had a long week and this evening I just find it eyeroll-worthy.

It's okay that not everyone wants to move to NZ.

De gustibus and all that...
Nothing can be surer than the world will turn to shit, and in our lifetime.
Enjoy life on the edge.

It's okay that not everyone wants to move to NZ.

And for that we are eternally grateful.

But it won't be long until everyone wants to. There are some advantages in being old and wise and experienced.

I'm nodding kindly at you.

Don't worry your pretty little head about me, dear. All is well in my world.

🥴

Everyone moving to NZ would have quite the impact driving up NZ's already out of this world house prices.

Do you really think Putin might drop one ‘tactical’ nuke and that’s it? Any deployment of nuclear weapons by Russia would result in mutually assured destruction.

Even if NZ survived, life wouldn’t be worth living.

It’s not something I’m worried about at all - if it happens, it happens. But showing off that you’d be left all alone, on a mostly uninhabitable, desolate planet, with a tiny population, isn’t a flex.

I'm in NZ but if all out nuclear war ever happened i would definitely prefer to be in the instantly vaporized zone!

Why do people think that deployment of nuclear weapons means the whole world would be seriously affected? Obviously nowhere is completely safe, but some places are safer than others, and I think you will find NZ is generally considered one of those places, and life may very well be worth living for longer than you imagine. Why would we care that the rest of you have gone (although guaranteed MN would be rather dull!). 😅