DH wants to Move us all to NZ…

[Notnowbarnaby]

… because he’s had a job offer and he’s increasingly concerned about the threat of war. (We are in the UK).
we have one DS who is just about to start school in September and is currently getting settled into the idea/going to taster sessions.
im not currently working. I was self employed previously. I’ve had a look online and it seems like DH would get the visa for the job offer and we could apply for a NZ Family Visa and try to get residency there once there, but I’m unclear about whether I’d need to work in order to hold that Visa - I’m not against working at all and we agreed I’d pick up my self employed business again when DS goes to school but I don’t think that would be an option under the working requirements there.
DH keeps saying the company would sort it all but I think it’s such a sudden huge decision and I’m worried that he’s just forging ahead with it because of his anxiety about the world situation.
weve never even been to NZ. We don’t know anyone out there, I don’t know anything about it or the schooling system etc.
it’s so far away as well we wouldn’t be able to see friends and family regularly. I’m worried about how DS would adapt.
im not enthusiastic as you can tell but DH thinks it’s a smart move
AIBU to want to dig my feet in about this and say no?!

Yes, I get that. But people do change even within a relationship, and with new circusmtances, and not always in the same direction.

Yes, ideally both will feel the same way. But here we have a situation where one or the other will feel forced or prevented. Neither should have the right to force or to prevent- and the cat is now out of the bag.

My parents had a wonderful marriage for over 60 years- but mum could not feel that they had missed a great opportunity.

This situation is borne out of mental illness. Not a dream to live in a different country. The guy has never even been to NZ.

I guess in the case where one partner develops a strong desire to relocate and the other absolutely doesn’t, the only options are to keep your mouth shut, or relocate alone.

This is how you read it. I think a great job offer is also a major key. Most people who move to NZ have never been before either. Or any expats all over the world either.

I get what you are saying- but I feel OP should take more time, spend time researching together, perhaps visiting for an extended holiday- and at least consider it, even if she intends to refuse in the end. Rather than just shutting down all discussion and consideration.

I'm a New Zealander who spent a few years living in the UK. Echo what a few people here said, it's extremely far way, not just from the UK but from everything. Even Australia is 3-4 hours flight. Food and property is very expensive here. I came back to be closer to family. Long-term, I think it is a heartbreaking thing to be across the world from your nearest and dearest.

I think, before I even entertained the notion, I'd want a bit more than a job offer that apparently, on the face of it, seems pretty good, and a rather exaggerated fear of the current world state. And I'd also want to know why he'd been exploring this without any real discussion with me. As to who would be doing the gruntwork of research - that wouldn't be me.

So you, who deals with an influx of young NZers who want to live in the UK or Europe, so who are obviously not the types to be happy living in NZ, and are not the majority of young NZers, know more than I, who actually live here, does? Okay then.

Btw, I don't bake, have little interest in rugby, and only attend church for the occasional funeral. I also have worked with a lot of Brits, and there are quite a large number of them living in this area. I wonder why they are here if it so dreadful - and I might add many of them are here permanently.

What would you or I know @mbosnz?

Apparently living here for many years doesn't mean a thing to some people.

As I said in an earlier post there has been a big upturn in church attendees where I live - because of immigrants. Many of the mainstream churches have very few attendees now, as the congregation ages and young people don't take their place.

As you said, there are some bizarre notions on this thread! I'm still falling about laughing at the idea we have to import our food 😂

No, it doesn't count. You having (rather odd) family and friends in NZ does not mean you know more than people who live in, or who have lived in, NZ.

I have several friends in the UK. That doesn't mean it qualifies me to lecture people on what life is like there. Although I do suspect there are communities where the church is an integral part of life. From your comments anyone would think there are no churches at all in the UK.

Personally I would have left already! I would love to be young enough to move to Austrailia or New Zeland, it is such an amazing way of life. I would go for it, you can always come back, your child is not at an important time in their life doing exams etc so you have plenty of time to change your mind and come back if it's not for you.

His threat of war reason is a bit ridiculous, but a much better quality of life is what would sell it to me.

Once again, a ridiculous post! You must have been here in an exceptionally cold spell. The temperature where I live has ranged from 12C to 18C this week, and one night it got down to 9C - and it's winter!! 12C is NOT generally the daytime "high" in late November.

Incidentally, it's funny that there is a thread on here at the moment with posters bemoaning how cold it is in June in the UK. I also have a friend in the UK with ill fitting windows and a damp problem. Doesn't sound exactly like paradise to me. However, I am bright enough to not imagine that is the norm.

This

My sister moved her family to NZ … the kids are now teenagers and my niece says NZ is great for older people but she hated it, missed growing up with family around, she’s missed out on having cousins around her and missed growing up with grandparents..
my sis likes it out there but hasn’t been able to afford to fly them all back for 19 years!! and non of us have gone out there because it’s too expensive and frankly no one wants to spend 24 hours on flight, then spend days with jet lag… you need at least 3 weeks off work to make it worthwhile…. And that’s almost all your annual leave….
They also suffer Earth Quakes which terrify my sister… have one of the largest suicide rates and have several volcanos!!

We visited friends in NZ who had gone there from the UK to live. I think you have to travel there to realise just how far away it is. They stayed for 3 years, enjoyed many aspects, but the downsides outweighed the good and they returned to the UK.

Living there over 30 years, the night winter temperatures would always get to lows of -3/-4. Sometimes even -7 was the lowest I'm aware of.

The poster I was replying to was talking about late November - in other words almost summer - temperatures, not winter!

Of course we have frosts in winter, but it is not cold every single night, and we don't have anything like the frosts we used to get btw.

Fair enough. November is the month I always looked forward to. Not too hot but starting to get to lovely outdoor weather.

January to May is my favourite time of year, hot and sunny in summer, warm and sunny in autumn.

A few 'too hot' weeks in there for me due to humidity. I'm now in Australia and find the heat and cold have a very different quality to NZ heat and cold. I'm very much a spring and autumn person, though don't mind a few days of high heat every now and then.

Then he can go. The fact op has never been to NZ and supposed to agree to this is so weird. She has family and her support system here, it's not her being unfair to the partner wanting to move.

It's not particularly humid where I live -thank goodness! I can cope up to 40C, as long as I can go home to the air con. 😅

I would hop onto a couple of community pages for the district he is thinking of moving you all to, as well as read on line newspapers ( and the comments).

We have family who have left NZ for Australia and won’t be back. We are considering going as soon as the property market picks up and interest rates drop (ours are currently 6.79%).

there’s still impact here from the war (fert and grain prices). There’s upset because some are unhappy with the voted change in Govt. Trying to get in to see a GP is hopeless. Rent and food are expensive.

A number of international companies have pulled out look at granting operating licenses to agencies. Does you DH’s employer have any data on how successful their operation is in NZ? Is it likely they will cease trading here?

Compromise (if its possible)
Agree to go for the great opportunity, but have an exit strategy in case you need to come back for whatever reason.

I am goggle eyed that anybody thinks life in New Zealand revolves around the church. I think our local vicar would perform satanic rituals if he could get people into pews. And, no there isn't some happy clappy New Age one packing them in either.

This ,100%

Op I'm from a country where a lot of people leave to live somewhere else. And I'm on a TON of groups where people speak of their real life experience. One of the top 3 places that people seem to be returning in droves from is NZ. If you really want actual, real life experiences join a FB group and chat to people on there.