Pregnant to another woman’s husband

[antybus24]

Backstory:

I met a guy on Tinder last September. We hit it off, had several dates and it went cold. Didn’t think anything more of it- until come February, I found out I was pregnant.

Tried to contact the guy- he had changed his number. Went to an address I had met him at before, turned out it was an Air BnB he had rented. I literally had no other way to contact him so I carried on and decided to do it alone.

Fast forward to April and got a Facebook message request- which turn out to be this guys wife. I asked her if we could meet for coffee as we needed to talk, insisted I knew nothing about her existence (which I didn’t) but we needed to talk. Met up with her a few days later and it turns out they have a son who is my daughter’s year at school (my daughter changed schools last September). I told her the news, naturally she was upset and left.

Fast forward a few days and I get a phone call from the head of my daughters school saying she is being bullied and I, my ex and the bully’s parents were called into the school- and yep, you guessed it. It was him and his wife. My daughter was distraught, stayed with her dad for a while and came back just over a week ago. We are hardly talking still.

BD has since contacted me and said he wants to be part of his child’s life- which I respect. What I can’t respect though is the fact his wife told their son and he and others have chosen to bully my daughter over it- me and her Dad are considering, again, moving her schools next year and talking about home schooling.

He is saying he is going to contact a solicitor and looking into joint custody. He hasn’t made an effort until recently (I suspect his wife told him straight away, he certainly knew when we were called into the school), hasn’t offered to attend a single appointment or offered a single penny towards the various baby shite that’s currently cluttering my spare room. Plus I just think it’s fucked that he still lives with his wife and wants to take a child that was made from the result of his affair into their home?! She doesn’t want anything to do with me but he tells me she is OK with it and I just can’t see that being true.

I have asked at least the 3 of us need to sit down and have a discussion. I am happy for him to be part of his child’s life, but I can’t let him take my child into a home where I believe it will be unwelcome surely?

AIBU?

Exactly this

or channel 5?

i dont think i would watch it

Aren't they rules on MN about accusing people of trolling or lying? If you don't believe it why waste your time commenting? I don't see what's implausible. Plenty of women get pregnant from a ONS and the odds of them being known to each other (kids at the same school etc) aren't that slim if they are in the same area. I don't see why someone would give falsehoods if they genuinely want advice. What would be the point?

YABU

If you didn’t want him being part of the child’s life/going into his home then you should have not gone through with the pregnancy or just not told him/his wife about it.

Surely you knew that by telling him/his wife that it would open a can of worms and there would be a lot of tension and issues around it.

I do think for the child’s sake that you did the right thing by telling him but you can’t be surprised that this is going to cause you issues and will carry on causing you issues for the foreseeable future.

The only thing you can do now is accept that this is going to be difficult and try and work with him to co-parent as best as possible.
I would try reaching out to the wife too and do the same.

The school is who you need to get on to about the bullying and I wouldn’t move her yet but I can see things getting more difficult for your current child when the baby is born and unfortunately if the school can’t get on top of it then the last resort may be to move her.
I definitely wouldn’t do it yet though.

Why did a random woman find you on fb and meet you for coffee???

What if you choose not to put him on the birth certificate? I wouldn't. He sounds like a massive twat and the wife will hate your child. This is already a toxic situation. I would just disappear. I realise that's not practical for everyone.

This. I would move away. Don't put his name on the birth certificate. Let him make the effort to trace you.

How vile to have these sorts of attitudes. Op is a “loose woman” therefore she deserves to have her children bullied?

op has done absolutely nothing wrong. She and her children are the victim of a horrible man and his cruel behavior.

Or more likely she found out about the affair and the husband told her who op was.

What a web you have woven. Your Poor daughter is paying the price for your actions. Now she will have to cope with living with the half sibling of her bully and she will have to put up with the bully's father visiting to collect this child !
Forget what you need and want and concentrate on your poor daughter.

What a horrible post.
What exactly has the op done wrong? She had a relationship with a man she believed to be single. Getting pregnant was not ideal but things happen.
The 'crappy adult behaviour' has come from the lying, cheating man and also from his wife, who rather then leave her sad excuse for a husband has chosen to take her frustration out on a child instead.

A head teacher, knowing , presumably, the nature of the bullying (or how would they know bullying was occurring) chose the bring the man, his wife and his Tinder hook up into a meeting together, without warning?

That’s extraordinary.

In the schools I know parents are spoken to separately. Even without such incendiary circumstances.

I think more like a Channel 5 drama!

What a horrible mess to be in.

Strange that you never saw him at the school gate or nativity play, etc.

I would be demanding affair partner to move his son to another school - it’s the affair partner that lied and cheated, it’s the son that’s bullying, why should your daughter change schools for a second time? You’ll need your support network so I’d be reluctant to move, in your shoes.

Sounds like a very sad mess. I couldn’t let my baby be alone with him and his family though.

Wow your children being in the same year and at the same school and to even recognise each other is one hell of a coincidence.

Maybe he never went, doesn't sound like much of a family man...

Her daughter is at secondary school by the sounds of things and has only been there a year. Not really surprising- I wouldn’t know most of the parents in my eldest year at secondary.

So many crazy , dramatic posts recently where the Op doesn't come back.It is tiresome.

As someone whose partner had an affair when I had a small baby . I have to say the last thing on Earth that I would have wanted would have been the ow woman asking to have a chat with me .

@User2460177

That would make more sense. But where does it say her age?

Tell them you lied and it's not his child. Move house. Move school. Change your number.

If your daughter is being bullied now how do you think your next child will be treated? Get away from these people.