To feel uncomfortable in working class pubs as a woman of colour?

[Dreamsaregood]

Just that really. I walked in and immediately got heckled by a (presumably) drunk man. Why did this man think this is ok?

I felt really uncomfortable after that and he continued to stare at me every time I walked past. It ruined my evening, and to be honest I felt a little threatened being the only woman of colour in my group.

AIBU to think very carefully before agreeing to meet up in certain places (local pubs etc)?

@Getonwitit considering she was with a group of WOMEN and she was the only POC. Yes it's obvious it was about race🙄.
Maybe keep of this thread if you're going to ask silly questions you're coming across as ignorant

Who’s being naive, you are right, the op stated her experience in a “working class pub” I stated my experience growing up and working in both working class and middle class pubs. The customers in working class pubs in general are no more or less racist than people who drink in middles class pubs. I at no point insulted the op or belittled her experience. I also dint resort to name calling.

If anyone is gross or a tit it’s the person who referred to the working classes as poor people. And has to finish every comment with name calling.

i clearly stated racism is everywhere and MY experience is middle class pubs have just as much racism they just hide it better.

@Dreamsaregood talk to your friends. Yes, it shouldn't be on you to educate them, but your experience can teach them in this case, and hopefully you get some support and solidarity. I dislike that I still notice when I'm the only WOC in pubs, I wish I didn't notice and some times therefore be on alert. Hope you are feeling more steady today.

Why are you trying to make someone else’s thread about you and your life experience?

I am really sorry you feel this way and experience this.

I feel uncomfortable going in our local 'builders' pub as its full of right knob head men. I can't even begin to understand how it must be for you as a person of colour as well as a woman.

That’s the point though isn’t it @AliceMcK

When I go to a pub I don’t care what the patrons think or believe just as long as it’s hidden away enough that I don’t pick up on it. Racism may be everywhere but some people feel more comfortable expressing it than others. If I’m sharing a public space with strangers then I prefer the polite / civil racists any day

Exactly this 100%

Thank you I do need to speak to them but I feel quite fragile about it and don't think I would get my point across without breaking down.

I am so conflicted and atm think the bigger part of me is angry and wants to distance myself so I never have to endure this again as it is only this group that enjoy the sorts of things that could potentially put me at risk if I join (sports bar, "local pubs/restaurants") i feel uneasy about raising it because I suppose I feel I shouldn't have to and think they must be blind or ignorant not to have noticed all this time. I have many other friends but it is these friends that I have known the longest and know me better than anyone else, ironically!

Or worse I feel uneasy because I fear they won't understand and what that then means for our decades long friendship.

This is part of racism that no-one really acknowledges but in my humble opinion is perhaps the most damaging to mental and emotional health in the longer term - that you cannot exist anywhere outside of your house without that sense of acute awareness. Need to pop in to the local supermarket on your way home from work - somehow the security guard is watching you so closely he hasn't blinked in at least 10 minutes, need to catch a train to some work event somewhere - God help you. In your situation OP, heading to a bar/restaurant/ pub ostensibly to have a good time with friends - all of a sudden for some strange reason the vibe just somehow changes, you can sense it as you walk in, as you find your seat, as you (try to) order, as you're sitting and supposed to be 'enjoying yourself'.

I’m not! I responded to a post that all working class pubs are unsafe for a poc, I disagreed and found it insulting that all working class pubs should be lumped into the same category as the pub the op felt unsafe in. It is insulting just like lumping all poc the same, they are not! For that I was called a tit and that all working class people are poor. So I’m expected to just ignore that ignorance and name calling?

If I were you I’d speak about it to your friends. One of my best friends is black but a couple of times she’d talk to me quite aggressively about how a certain white woman had behaved towards her in a car (they were both driving) and after a while I said to her, look, just tell me honestly about your experiences, if you’ve been racially abused, so she did.

It’s interesting though as she’s recently got to know another black woman friend of mine, but in this case they’re both Afro Caribbean and also are both working class as children but have gone onto have very good professional jobs, they both enjoy speaking to each other and saying “you know….” especially with regards to certain issues and incidents some involving race in both a positive and negative way but there are certain things which though I can empathise with I’ll never completely understand, but I do listen.

So it's what you think? Not what he actually said?
Did you put him straight, did your friends. Anyone in my group would have done, regardless of colour.
Infact a couple friends of colour are the most confident and outspoken in the group. If we couldn't handle these gutter types we would given those kind of pubs a miss.
You should have told your friends how you felt and all left together straight away.

No I did not put him straight, why would I confront a vicious racist when I feel threatened.

You clearly have no clue about this and cannot even put yourself in my position. Good for you with your outspoken friends, let's not pretend the vast majority of people are not passive bystanders when someone is subjected to racism.

You know as a woman you sometimes just get an instinct on who is a creepy man and one to avoid? But you couldn’t really explain why.

its the same when we experience racism. Not much has to be said. I just know.

And when you experience this a lot sometimes you cba to fight it or say something. Otherwise it’s exhausting.

As a gay woman, I feel the same. Avoid them like the plague...

@Dreamsaregood I just thought of you & this thread because I’m in a WC pub on my own for an hour while my child does a hobby. There is nowhere else nearby and most parents wait in their cars, but we get the bus. I’m white, have worked in WC pubs myself, albeit with more diverse clientele, and I still feel a little uncomfortable - not quite enough to bother me once I’m in and settled at a table in the corner, but borderline. I hadn’t thought about white privilege in this situation, but I have now - thanks for posting and I hope your friends listen to you if you decide to tell them.

Exactly. Sometimes it is just a look or change of tone. It is subtle; I have experienced it and would not bother explaining to others. Esp on somewhere like here where some people fall over themselves to tell you it was not racist because someone was rude to them once in Wetherspoons too.

My husband is white and my kids are mixed race but look white. We often go to places and I notice that I am the only white face. They don’t even register it.

Who don’t?

@TowerFanNeeded Your husband is white, you're white and your kids are mixed race??

where did I say I am white?! Did my menopausal brain get it wrong again?!

My husband and adult kids never notice when I am the only non-white person at events. Whereas I do. It’s not always a bad thing at all, but I instinctively clock when I am the ‘only’ one. And I am surprised they don’t clock it too. Because they have never experienced racial discrimination I guess.

Oh god just seen I wrote white instead of non-white. Sorry! What an idiot.

Sorry this happened to you.

Sadly, there are still many places where people of colour and women are not welcome and these include working class pubs.

I tend to avoid any pub that looks a bit basic or down at heel, has large TVs, England or Union Jack flags displayed or pictures of food outside mentioning bargain prices.