To feel uncomfortable in working class pubs as a woman of colour?

[Dreamsaregood]

Just that really. I walked in and immediately got heckled by a (presumably) drunk man. Why did this man think this is ok?

I felt really uncomfortable after that and he continued to stare at me every time I walked past. It ruined my evening, and to be honest I felt a little threatened being the only woman of colour in my group.

AIBU to think very carefully before agreeing to meet up in certain places (local pubs etc)?

Yes I think racism is not as openly expressed but it is 100% still there in a lot of people. Some just keep it to themselves these days, which is definitely better than the outward aggression I had today.

I can't explain just how uncomfortable it made me feel. It was a "you don't belong in here" I went to a school with very little diversity and it was this group of friends I was meeting. They picked the venue and probably doesn't even register with them the issue.

It took me right back to being at school, I cannot remember the last time I felt so uncomfortable, probably not for a decade such is the little bubble I have created!

Oh yes, I’ve definitely walked into the wrong pub, tbf I’ve walked into the wrong wine bar in London as well. It’s still there, just not often explicit. Sorry OP it’s shit and it shouldn’t happen.

I’d agree as a woman I’d not really go into local working class pubs. Ive felt really uncomfortable previously and haven’t for a decade or so. I think it’s part of the rise of chain coffee shops

Horrible for you, and I know from experience with my friends, still common. We are quite selective about where we go, though living in London makes things a million times easier. It’s really noticeable if we travel somewhere.

Disgusting behaviour.
I am white so can only imagine how bad it is.
I agree with the above poster too. I would never go into a pub alone, probably a throw back to growing up in a working class area where pubs were always the domain of the white man. Hence the rise of coffee shops. My town has many coffee shops and I would not have a problem going into any of those alone. Tbf I suppose most of the pubs in my town would be ok but I can’t shake the feeling of how things were when I grew up and I may as well choose a cafe where I feel safe.
Sorry you experienced this op. Some people are dicks.

I also avoid anywhere with TVs on every wall.
Screams the same vibe.

That's awful OP. Did your friends not say 'we're leaving' as soon as you told them how uncomfortable you felt there? It's not fair that you had to endure that all night.

I bet they were Brexit voters too although they continually say Brexit is nothing to do with racism!

I’m white so don’t have your experience.
My ds did tell me not to go in the local village pub in Wales as I’m English.

I don't think they realised how uncomfortable I felt. But yes if I could have walked out I would have but I wouldn't want this man to think he had forced me out and I wanted to catch up. But I will never go to somewhere like this every again.

Thank you so much for your comments, you have no idea how much it has helped to read similar experiences or just have understanding about it.

If I am honest my group of friends just don't "get" it. They have no idea what it like to walk in a WOCs shoes, and why would they?
It is very easy not to register the looks, leers and sneers if they are not directed at you. This is the very definition of white privilege which gets used incorrectly all the time but it is a very real thing in the UK.

I grew up in a place like this (I am white though)
The people who live there have never really left the area and haven't met a healthy range of people - therefore will 'subtly' stare at anyone who looks 'different' especially POC.
I don't blame you for feeling uncomfortable, I'm sorry op 😞

People saying women feel the same walking into these pubs are not understanding my post.

As a white woman you would not be targeted in the same way I was when I entered that pub.

It is not the same. It feels threatening to enter these types of places as a WOC in a way that it wouldn't " just" as a white woman.

Sorry you’re still experiencing this.

In some ways society has moved on lots but some subsects resist any and all change

Also sorry about the people minimising your experience, fair to say they’ve probably never been the only person of their colour in the room and can’t really imagine what that experience was like for you

Was it a Sam Smith pub by any chance? The Sam Smith pubs in my city are notorious for being unwelcoming for POC/gay people/anyone who doesn't fit their ridiculous stereotype.(For unwelcome read downright hostile)

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

I wonder how well it would go down if every time a woman said they were uncomfortable somewhere because of their sex, people piled in saying 'it's probably not that, it's probably your accent/clothes/size of your nose, because I've experienced that'...

The closest I have come to this was inadvertently walking in to an Arabic residential area in Jerusalem, as a white woman. My face did not fit, and it was significantly more tense and uncomfortable than anything I have experienced as a white woman in a predominantly white area.

YANBU op. Honestly, I wish you were. I wish the world was different. Hopefully it will be some day.

I don't know, this would be for someone in that situation to comment on, just like I am here. Not everything needs to be compared to how a white woman may or may not feel in a hypothetical similar scenario.

And if I am honest I do not think the threatening behaviour would occur if it was the other way around, you may get looks but not the "you don't belong" microaggressions. It is something very specific that takes place in these types of pubs. Maybe it is alcohol that brings this behaviour out.

How do you define a working class pub as opposed to a middle class or upper class pub?
Number of horse brasses on walk? Open fire? Flat roof? Has a snug and a public bar? Tv, snooker table, jukebox??
Most public houses are historically 'working class'.

I don't get this as a first-hand experience (since I'm white). But I imagine being a woman of colour is going to be one more (really significant) layer of discomfort and intimidation going into these places.

It is the ones that people of colour never go in. Despite living in the area or proximity of the pub. And just like I will never do again.

To be specific, the pub is run down looking, lots of flags, sports on large tvs, in a predominantly white working class area.

Knob

Sorry this happened to you. Sometimes it feels like we are going backwards not forwards 😔

Go away you TROLL

I think you are correct OP. I feel moderately uncomfortable in these pubs as a white woman but I think they are probably much more intimidating for POC.

As a PP said these are usually very insular people who are uncomfortable with people who don’t look and act like them and dislike any change to the status quo.

They know it’s unacceptable to be overtly racist but feel they have to put people in neat boxes and comment on their points of difference in a way which subtly (or not so subtly) says “you’re not one of us, I know I have to be polite to you but be aware this is my domain and you are operating here with my approval and on my terms. Break the rules in any way or fail to fall into line with my worldview and I will become hostile.”