Going partying with a group of strangers then back to hotel room?

[Princessfinella]

Would you care about this?

Been with my boyfriend for about six months.

Earlier in the year, he mentioned he hadn't been on holiday for a couple of years and has had a stressful time over the last year, so I suggested he took a holiday.
I think he mentioned going with a friend but that sort of fell through (the friend had already booked a holiday this year with other people) so I encouraged him to book a week away on his own.

He left last weekend and has gone to Tenerife.

The first night, he landed at around 9pm and messaged me a bit while he was going through security and waiting for the transfer bus, then it got late so I went to bed.
The next day, I found a message from 11.30 that night with photos of his room and saying he'd only just found that he's got a balcony, then when I replied he told me that he'd been downstairs to the bar, "made some friends" and they invited him to the disco, so he went with them and didn't get to sleep until 5am.

A bit later when I jokingly asked if he'd sat on his balcony yet, he said "not mine but I sat on my friends' balcony when I went back to their room".

I questioned him a bit and he said the group that invited him to the disco, were a Spanish group who saw him sitting alone and I introduced themselves and invited him to the disco. Then he went back to their room for more drinks.

I (half jokingly) asked if girls had been involved and he said that the one guy was on a stag do, his mate was there and they "had two girls with them...not sure if they were 'with' them or they just picked them up".

This immediately made me feel really weird. He says he told them he had a girlfriend but why on earth would a grown man in his 40s - who has a girlfriend - agree to go partying with a guy on a stag do, his drunk mate and two girls and then go back to their room afterwards?!

He can't see the issue and is saying he was anxious being on his own, so wondered whether I'm wrong to be a bit put out by his behaviour? And honestly, concerned. Just seems a bit risky going to someone's hotel room with a group of people you don't know, although it is a large chain hotel (Hard Rock).

He also keeps referring to the random people he meets as "friends" and has added one guy to his FB already...

You’re being a bit uptight imo.

Why didn’t you suggest a holiday for the two of you? You sent him on holiday on his own and expect him not to talk to anyone?

Did you want him to go on holiday alone and not speak to anyone or make friends. If he was shagging around he wouldn't have told you about them.

You sound like a real party pooper OP

He's on his own, it's nice that he's met a group of people who've befriended him and taken him out

He's willingly telling you all this. I really don't think anything shady is going on.

Tenerife is hardly the place you go to by yourself. What did you think he was going to do there

You sent him on holiday on his own. Then upset he made friends. Mumsnet is baffling.

Op, you encouraged him to go alone. It seems like he’s done that, made friends, and is telling you about it (ie not concealing information). Did you expect him to keep to himself for the week?

Whats he like at home? (Ie is talking to strangers a totally unusual thing for him). Pre kids I loved a solo holiday (a few of which I went on after getting married). It wasn’t/wouldn’t be unusual for me to get chatting. Yes some nights I’d read a book and have dinner alone. Others I’d make friends, explore new places and dance. As a solo woman I rarely got drunk as I felt safer sober, but I didn’t only befriend women. And yes - I have made lasting friends on holidays.

So you wanted him to go on holiday alone and not speak to anyone?

Poor sod.

Eh. Hes made holiday friends good. Sounds like he's having fun .

What was you expecting with him going alone? I mean some people would enjoy the peace but most would make friends and socialise. I'm not sociable at all but even I couldnt spend every night sitting alone on a holiday.
Let him enjoy himself.

I go to Tenerife on my own twice a year. Depends where you go and what you want. The location is no indicator of what anyone is looking for from their break.

He's done nothing wrong. You sound anxious, unhinged.

He has gone to a party hotel and then gone partying? Not sure what you expected tbh

Just seems a bit risky going to someone's hotel room with a group of people you don't know, although it is a large chain hotel (Hard Rock).

It feels risky to me but (and I hate saying this) it is a bit different for guys. A single woman being spotted on her own and being invited by a group up to one persons hotel room sounds like the start of a true crime documentary. I know of course guys can also get robbed and worse but it isn't the same. I think also, if he was on holiday and wanted to cheat he could at any point of the holiday really. He wouldn't need to tell you. If you encouraged him to go on holiday by himself clearly you trust him not to. I don't think its reasonable to then be concerned by him socialising/making friends. It would be pretty miserable otherwise.

Also, I know that generalisations about other nationalities aren't always welcome but this "a Spanish group who saw him sitting alone and I introduced themselves and invited him to the disco" sounds like fairly normal Spanish person behaviour. Its nice.

That is what he said. He was trying to fit in

I mean, maybe I am being unreasonable then. He just comes across as a bit of a liability at times - like, it seems risky going back to their hotel room and he just says if I was with him he wouldn't do stuff like that, but he was anxious and wanted to fit in so was easily led

I think it's that which bothers me more. The childlike nature of his behaviour, and calling all these people 'friends' and adding them to Facebook.

I'd chat to people maybe but I wouldn't consider them friends or have them on my Facebook.

What's the issue with going back to their room? There is also nothing wrong with him seeing them as friends.

Just because you wouldn't class them as friends or add them to FB doesn't mean that he's in the wrong. He is on holiday- let him have the holiday he wants.

I was about to say something along these lines. Years ago a couple of friends and I got chatting to some South American students in the pub, they were having a party and insisted that we total strangers come up to their flat and drink tequila. It was fun and nobody got assaulted or robbed. Not everyone is as uptight as the Brits.

The childlike nature of his behaviour, and calling all these people 'friends' and adding them to Facebook.

I'd chat to people maybe but I wouldn't consider them friends or have them on my Facebook.

this is a you issue OP. He’s met some nice people, had a great night and added them on FB to keep in touch. Why does that bother you? Why do you think that’s childish? I think it would be worth looking at your own feelings towards yourself and friendships, because nothing he has done is abnormal.

You said yourself he’s had a stressful year, don’t add to it.

like, it seems risky going back to their hotel room and he just says if I was with him he wouldn't do stuff like that, but he was anxious and wanted to fit in so was easily led

Lots of guys wouldn't see that as risky though. And, it sounds like he was having fun. Don't put make him feel self conscious/like he's weird to be making friends while he's still on holiday.

It is quite a short relationship. I'm not even too clear why he needed your encouragement to go away alone.

Do you generally see him as a bit childish, or is this a new realisation that is dawning?

I do sort of see what you mean about that bit. I had an ex who loved travelling and was forever meeting people and seeing them on Facebook and believing they were now great mates, and I always felt almost a little embarrassed because I assumed they actually found him quite boring and weird and were just being nice out of politeness.

Really I suppose this was my issue not his, or theirs. I didn't really respect him - and it's good therefore that the relationship ended.

I do wonder if your feelings of discomfort here - because you do sound like you are almost embarrassed by how he is behaving - indicate that you and he aren't right for each other.

It's early days. Maybe best to end it now, before you get any further in.

I love how he says he's so anxious and yet he's making friends right left and centre and hasn't even found time to sit on his own balcony yet he's so busy socialising.

But he said he was anxious about being on his own? The solution to that is to meet/chat with people.

He was having a good time, on holiday!