Going partying with a group of strangers then back to hotel room?

[Princessfinella]

Would you care about this?

Been with my boyfriend for about six months.

Earlier in the year, he mentioned he hadn't been on holiday for a couple of years and has had a stressful time over the last year, so I suggested he took a holiday.
I think he mentioned going with a friend but that sort of fell through (the friend had already booked a holiday this year with other people) so I encouraged him to book a week away on his own.

He left last weekend and has gone to Tenerife.

The first night, he landed at around 9pm and messaged me a bit while he was going through security and waiting for the transfer bus, then it got late so I went to bed.
The next day, I found a message from 11.30 that night with photos of his room and saying he'd only just found that he's got a balcony, then when I replied he told me that he'd been downstairs to the bar, "made some friends" and they invited him to the disco, so he went with them and didn't get to sleep until 5am.

A bit later when I jokingly asked if he'd sat on his balcony yet, he said "not mine but I sat on my friends' balcony when I went back to their room".

I questioned him a bit and he said the group that invited him to the disco, were a Spanish group who saw him sitting alone and I introduced themselves and invited him to the disco. Then he went back to their room for more drinks.

I (half jokingly) asked if girls had been involved and he said that the one guy was on a stag do, his mate was there and they "had two girls with them...not sure if they were 'with' them or they just picked them up".

This immediately made me feel really weird. He says he told them he had a girlfriend but why on earth would a grown man in his 40s - who has a girlfriend - agree to go partying with a guy on a stag do, his drunk mate and two girls and then go back to their room afterwards?!

He can't see the issue and is saying he was anxious being on his own, so wondered whether I'm wrong to be a bit put out by his behaviour? And honestly, concerned. Just seems a bit risky going to someone's hotel room with a group of people you don't know, although it is a large chain hotel (Hard Rock).

He also keeps referring to the random people he meets as "friends" and has added one guy to his FB already...

Err...glad we could help.

Blimey.

For goodness sake, he’s on holiday and found some kind people to have fun with - excellent.

I think it's a big stretch to refer to someone you have only just met as a " friend". You know nothing really about them apart from you have been able to enjoy their company on a social occasion. That's not friendship. It might develop into friendship but it really devalues the meaning of friendship to refer to new casual acquaintances as "friends ".

You can keep your judgement to yourself. If he feels a connection with them, how are you, or his GF, in a position to tell him they aren't his friends?

40 yo and behaving like this. Urgh I would dump and move on. He sounds intense, and with a whole lot of baggage too.

Sounds like hes having a great time. What's wrong with adding new pals to Facebook?
I don't really get though, why you didn't have a holiday together

He’s out having fun and making some friends.

Lots of people do this.

Leave the poor guy alone and stop trying to create a drama when there isn’t one.

I am not judging. I am stating an opinion. As I am entitled to do. You do not have the right to tell me to keep my opinion to myself.

I would be pleased he was having a good time.
He's a grown man, it is up to him to risk assess the situations he gets himself, not yours. And if his judgement is off because he is worse for drink, then so be it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Were you expecting him to hole up in his room for the holiday?

I'd chat to people maybe but I wouldn't consider them friends or have them on my Facebook.

A lot of people do things like this when they go somewhere by themselves. Granted they’re not exactly a friend but that doesn’t mean a friendship won’t develop.

It’s not exactly the same but I went to a concert by myself some years ago and I became really good friends with someone I met there! If we didn’t exchange social media accounts at the time, I wouldn’t have known how great of a person he was.

Let him enjoy his holiday and if you do want to end things with him, don’t use this as an excuse as to why you want to break up

He sounds like he's just trying to have fun on holiday! Everyone has some anxiety about being alone in a social situation surely? But he's making the most of it while he's there and meeting people/having fun.

It sounded like judging to me. Based on whether someone knows someone well or not. But whatevs.
Have a nice day.

I'm 41 and that's the sort of thing I'd do to be honest.

You encouraged him to go on holiday alone and then are shocked he made some holiday friends? Did you expect him to just sit in the room on his lonesome each day and night? His holiday mates sound nice, nothing awful happened? He seemed open with you. I honestly don't see the problem.
Loads of people make temporarily friends on holiday, even if they don't travel alone.

He is on holiday, he has made friends with local Spanish people.
He is happy.
Have you not seen the news about Brit tourists being seriously disliked in Spain.
He has met local people who think he is nice.
Why the downer OP?

I would be very proud of a friend male or boyfriend that had managed to make friends in a new country in such a short space of time.
If he loses anything like his hotel key etc, he's met people who he can just say "oh no... what would you do?!" But also he's made some great memories.

How is it "judging" to give an opinion on what constitutes friendship? OP's partner can do whatever he wants. OP can do whatever she wants. All I'm saying is IN MY OPINION there is a difference between new acquaintances, that may become friends, and assuming someone is a friend when in reality you actually know hardly anything about them but got on with them in a social situation. I know that some people call everyone they know " a friend", even if it's just someone they say good morning to. But I think there is difference between friends and acquaintances.
I thought that what's MN was about: people giving opinions.

Half the fun of going on holiday by yourself is the fact you make a load of new friends!

Why didn't you go with him

My friends adult DC did this a couple of weeks ago, they were drugged by the new ‘friends’ they met and woke up 14 hours later, robbed with the room wrecked. Luckily alive and not sexually assaulted.

You don't seem keen on him and you're already becoming his emotional support animal based on your updates. You're getting the ick. Trust your gut.

OP - when you told them to go away on holiday by himself, what did you intend for him to do?

Also, why didn't you go with him?

Men tend do take more risk than women and don’t see something like this as risky.

But this is the thing - without wanting to infantilise him, he does act very strangely. He admits he doesn't have the same social skills as most people, has told me he's easily led and without going into any details has got himself into quite dangerous situations before through lack of..common sense, for want of a better word.

The reason I've taken issue with the friends word is that despite being a intelligent man in a well paid job in IT, he said he's very easily led and doesn't really know how to 'read the room' in social situations.

At risk of being outing, once he told me he had been out on the town in a country he was holidaying in alone (in his mid 20s) with a group of people he'd just met and that night one of the guys from the group offered to let him stay over and sleep in his bed - but top and tail. My guy agreed, thinking it was innocent and then woke up to the guy touching him which freaked him out. So to me, he's either quite naive or quite vulnerable.

He always classes everyone as a friend immediately, over shares and generally gets himself used by those people, whilst still thinking the sun shines out of their backsides (other friends of his comment on this too) so that's why I tend to call him out when he gets too friendly, too quickly.

He has also told me I'm the love of his life and we've only been dating a few months ...