Going partying with a group of strangers then back to hotel room?

[Princessfinella]

Would you care about this?

Been with my boyfriend for about six months.

Earlier in the year, he mentioned he hadn't been on holiday for a couple of years and has had a stressful time over the last year, so I suggested he took a holiday.
I think he mentioned going with a friend but that sort of fell through (the friend had already booked a holiday this year with other people) so I encouraged him to book a week away on his own.

He left last weekend and has gone to Tenerife.

The first night, he landed at around 9pm and messaged me a bit while he was going through security and waiting for the transfer bus, then it got late so I went to bed.
The next day, I found a message from 11.30 that night with photos of his room and saying he'd only just found that he's got a balcony, then when I replied he told me that he'd been downstairs to the bar, "made some friends" and they invited him to the disco, so he went with them and didn't get to sleep until 5am.

A bit later when I jokingly asked if he'd sat on his balcony yet, he said "not mine but I sat on my friends' balcony when I went back to their room".

I questioned him a bit and he said the group that invited him to the disco, were a Spanish group who saw him sitting alone and I introduced themselves and invited him to the disco. Then he went back to their room for more drinks.

I (half jokingly) asked if girls had been involved and he said that the one guy was on a stag do, his mate was there and they "had two girls with them...not sure if they were 'with' them or they just picked them up".

This immediately made me feel really weird. He says he told them he had a girlfriend but why on earth would a grown man in his 40s - who has a girlfriend - agree to go partying with a guy on a stag do, his drunk mate and two girls and then go back to their room afterwards?!

He can't see the issue and is saying he was anxious being on his own, so wondered whether I'm wrong to be a bit put out by his behaviour? And honestly, concerned. Just seems a bit risky going to someone's hotel room with a group of people you don't know, although it is a large chain hotel (Hard Rock).

He also keeps referring to the random people he meets as "friends" and has added one guy to his FB already...

I think it depends on where you choose to go. If you're travelling to a city, packed full of sight seeing or a dream destination you have always wanted to go, you're happier alone so you can see all you want to and you can keep yourself busy and where you will find many solo travellers. That's completely different to choosing a place that is full of couples and groups who are off doing things and having fun together.
Even in Greece, there are some places that are just fabulous for a solo, totally chilled holiday, whereas drive 20 mins away, you'd feel completely out of place being alone.

just having to see someone more than once a week has been tough…. If you're happy with own company and secure in yourself, how on earth can you feel lonely? Friends should be a bonus, not a must have.

Eek. You sound very cold OP. Just because you don’t want friends doesn’t mean he should sit alone for the week. I’m starting to understand why he went away alone - you definitely didn’t want to go with him!

I feel a bit sad for him that you find it tough to see him more than once a week. You are definitely not compatible.

I have said this to him many times. He insists I'm the love of his life and he's happy to put up with me seeing him as little as I want.

But no, I wouldn't have considered going as I have a child so can't just drop them to swan off on holiday anyway, plus as I said before I had work commitments.

He didn’t swan off on holiday, he booked a trip as he is entitled to do. The majority of people have work commitments and still go on holiday. You didn’t want to go, just leave it at that rather than comment that he swanned off.

It’s obvious that you’re borderline repulsed by this man, you find him childish and embarrassing, and you definitely don’t like him.

Break up with him when he gets back,
I don’t think discussing your disdain of him any further on this thread is going to do anything for you.

I didn't saw he swanned off, but okay

Absolutely. I love my peace and quiet and time alone. I’m very very content with my own company but equally there’s times I’m very social and love other people around me.

Theres not mutually exclusive positions. I would imagine most people even introverts have times like on holiday when they want to join in and mix with others.

He doesn't even drink much! Apparently. He's really not like those typical people that enjoy going out for a drink and nights out.
He was working from home for years up until this year, lives with a friend but struggles when his friend has parties and BBQs, apparently either stands there quietly not knowing what to do or say, or goes to his room and messages me (which is how I know about it) and keeps on about his social skills being rubbish and how awkward he is.
He goes out once a week to a pub quiz, that's it.

Not that it matters, I know and maybe this time he fancied letting his hair down. I'm just trying to explain why I found it so strange that the first night he got here, he became insanely social

And now he’s having a good time and is really happy, and that makes you feel uncomfortable. He’s not the issue here OP, it’s you. You’re begrudging him for having a good time and it’s really really strange. I feel sorry for him.

Honestly OP, this is not the hill to die on.

In his shoes I'd have done the same.

Many's the time I'll befriend folks, add them to FB (whether male or female), go back to their place etc.

I'm in a 40 odd year partnership/marriage and have zero interest in anyone else.

My DH doesn't bat an eyelid.

Let it go.

You are not compatible for many reasons so don't flog a dead horse.

Do you actually mean to sound condescending and disdainful? Because that's how it's coming across, in most of your posts in this thread really but especially in this one. 'Swanning off' on holiday sounds so unpleasant and whether you mean it or not, so judgemental of other people who have kids and work commitments, but also like to have a relaxing holiday once in a while.

And re the rest of your thread, yes, YABVU. I'm like you, I'm an introvert and I love to be alone, and I would hate to socialise this way, but lots of other people enjoy it, and your boyfriend has not done a single thing wrong. Like a few PP have said, it's like you're picking away at every tiny little thing he does and says to have a go at him.

Thanks. Genuinely. I'll word it another way though; I wasn't picking at him (or intending to anyway), I just am very bad at reading people and weeding out the 'bad ones'.
Abusive last relationships etc which is why it bothered me when his ex accused him of being like that. So now, I'm picking up on a lot of things that 'could' be normal behaviour, or when all joined together be a sign of potential abuse/controlling behaviour.

It's quite difficult to explain but I do appreciate the kick up the backside from everyone

I'd use your own judgement and not that of exes. I was a wild one in my 20s, a complete outrovert party girl. I'm the complete opposite in my 40s, I very rarely drink and if I can choose not to be in big groups, I do so. However it always amazes my DP how when I'm in big group situations where mingling is expected, I come across as a social butterfly, as if it's a normal daily occurrence. He on the other hand is introverted all the time.
It's not something fake, I can just enjoy group situations more, because I'm not in them a lot.

Don't judge him on unusual situations that aren't a daily or even weekly occurrence.