I don’t want my DD to be an Au Pair for a single dad

[Cyanbadmintonplayer]

Hi,
My DD is 19, we live in Germany but we are a British family. DD really wants to give a go at being an Au Pair for a couple of years while doing open uni.
Shes using an agency and has been matched with a single dad and his 7 year old daughter, from what I can gather no mother on the scene.

He wants DD to take his child to and from school everyday, and then to and from
clubs every evening bar 1 and Saturday.
No cleaning expectations, no need to drive (tube or taxi depending). She would need to make dinner for the child 4 days a week and a packed lunch for between activities on the Saturday. Occasional babysitting but this could come with an extra payment.
DD would get some time off over school holidays but would occasionally be asked to travel with them.
The pay would be £150 p/w, food and accommodation provided (large room with en-suite), travel card provided, phone bill paid for. DD would like to see if a gym membership would be possible on top of this but doesn’t want to be greedy.

It all sounds good I know but I hate the thought of her working for a single dad!
It seems a lot less safe and significantly riskier. I’m also worried that it might not be the safest area she’d be living in (London S/W).

AIBU thinking DD should wait it out for a different family and working for a single man is just too risky?

Some mens' sex drive are a powerful force. Doesn't matter that he's lost his wife, is grieving, etc etc. Irrelevant as far as I'm concerned.

"Maybe have him reported to the police now in case he does something in the future"

Really?? I honestly can't tell if you actually think this or are just being sarcastic.

I can just imagine that conversation:

OP: "Hello police, my adult daughter has just got a job through an agency working for a man!! I want to report him to you."

Police: "What has he done? Or what other reason do you have for reporting him? Has he behaved inappropriately in any way?"

OP: "No, I've never spoken to him or even met him - but he's a single man!"

Police: "........ "

Au-pair jobs are always poorly paid in financial terms because they also include accommodation, bills, food, transport etc.

And it's live in because, again, that's what au pairs do. It was traditionally a kind of older sister type role.

I agree with you op. I would feel uncomfortable about it too. I think it puts her in a vulnerable position. Can she hold out for a different position?

She will be a lot better treated than in a house with a couple I assume she's not daft and would get out if she thought he wasn't a good person

That's only £20 a day! You'll get 4 coffees for that op. Tell her to find a richer family.

I don't understand why anyone would pay £1000/month to an au pair in London plus paying for accommodation, food, gym, travel etc when you could get a live out after school nanny from Koru Kids for £16/hr all in and not have to have someone live with you.

The problem is wrap around school care is like gold dust - no one is interested. I tried Koru Kids, childcare.co.uk and I am Zone 2 London where in theory there are a lot of people looking for work. No one interested at all in wrap around hours.

Au pairs are a great solution and your daughter should go for it. Just teach her if anything don't feel right then to speak up to you so you can guide her.

I think that was irony!

If this is what she wants to do then I would just let her try it.

As long as it’s a legit job and he’s a real person etc then I think it will be fine.

Yes, it's a risk. Those saying it isn't are being very naive or obtuse.

I would advise my DD to wait for a couple or a woman, yes.

I’m surprised people are worried about the pay it seems fair.
That is minimum £600 a month for personal spending. No food, travel or Accomodation needed. He has offered to pay for flights home 2 times in the year.
I can’t think of any other job where a teen could work parrtime around studying and have £600 in personal spending money each month?
She wouldn’t even have a phone bill to pay and would have a travel card which she could use just for going out too.

Do people really think she should be
paid more? Do most adults have £600 left at the end of the month after bills?

Understood - my only concern was whether the pay was fair for the real hours, but if it’s market rates then fair enough.

I agree

But I have noticed on Mumsnet before that on any thread about au pairs there are lots of people who advocate really high levels of pay for not much work.

The pay offer here seems fine - there will be loads of young professionals in Clapham without much more disposable income once they have paid for accommodation, phone, food, travel etc

I really struggle to believe that there are people paying over £1000/month for an unqualified teen plus accommodation, food, phone, travel etc

Things like this always make me laugh. You know one man who is a single Dad and he's not a creep so that means it's the same for all single Dad's 🙄🙄🙄
My experiences are different but I don't assume all men are predators unfortunately it means I'm on my guard around all men but I still have a cop on to know they aren't all the same

A quick Google says the average au pair earns 70-110 a week with the au pair society recommending a minimum of £90 so the pay seems fine

there is a reason it is unqualified labour so 1000+ on top on your bills and rent being paid is insane

Unfortunately not necessarily, my daughter was an Aupair for a family and the husband ended up being an abusive alcoholic, all done through an agency … she was 19 stood up to them and left.
There’s no more risk or guarantee one way or another
it’s mainly how well prepared/ aware your daughter is , but not in a anxious taught way

I don’t know, why is rape still ok? Why is it ok for millions of men to wank over women being choked and hurt on pornhub?

The statistics speak for themselves and being aware of them isn’t ‘sexist’ 🙄

No, the pay isn't low at all. The OP says that the pay is £150 per week plus accommodation for 18 hours work a week. The daughter is under the age of 21.

Employers that provide accommodation can take this into account when calculating the national living wage and minimum wage. Currently, employers can offset £70 (well, £69.93) a week if accommodation is provided.

https://www.gov.uk/national-minimum-wage-accommodation

So, £150 per week plus accommodation is counted as £150 + £70 = £220 per week for minimum wage and living wage calculation.

The daughter is working 18 hours per week 220 / 18 = £12.22 per hour. This is above the national living wage of £11.44 ph.

But the daughter is under 21 so she would only qualify for the national minimum wage of £8.60 ph

If the employer wanted to get away with paying her the absolute minimum he could by law, then he could get her to work for 25 hours per week for the same amount of money which would mean that she was earning £8.80 ph

Monthly accommodation in that area would be £1,000pm for a houseshare. I think it's proportionate if a little low. Extra for any more childminding and a free gym membership is not bad.

Does she?

Or is she a mum who is worried about her 19 year old daughter, who is barely an adult, going to live in a different country, in a house with a single man she has never even met?

Chances are he's OK, but just because he has a daughter doesn't necessarily mean that he is. Are you seriously suggesting that her mum should have no concerns at all?

Well yes, do sleazy men not get widowed? Does that only happen to decent, good men?

It probably will be fine. But it also might not. It’s wise to give your daughter advice about how to keep safe and what to do if she feels he is overstepping lines.

I’d be hopeful that if he was the one depending on the childcare to work, he would be less inclined to mess about with the au pair than a married man whose wife will be scrambling around for emergency cover while he carries on as usual.

Too right.

Of course they are the majority. But no one is going to come on here and post about how brilliant their partner because there is no reason too.
We only hear about the partners that are crap/disrespectful.
I don't know many single dad's but the one's I do seem brilliant with their children and are not attempting to hit on every woman they see.
Let her go. She's an adult. If dad turns out to be a creep she can leave. Just make sure she has an exit plan if she needs to but the job itself sounds great.

That's a good point.