To sleep with a 23 year old?

[Possomoppossum]

Given that I am 42,he knows full well how old I am,we met on a dating site where he wanted to meet older women.ok or creepy age gap?

Barely even a man? Right now 23-year-olds are working as doctors, dentists, pharmacists, engineers etc. There is nothing normal about a 23-year-old acting like a child.

A man having a job (which many teenagers have, including paid apprenticeships with responsibilities) is not an equivalent to maturity in a sociological sense or having the mentality of a matured man who doesn’t see women as sexual objects before seeing them as people. Especially in an era where pornography has become a huge issue being more accessible and highly graphic. When it’s boiled down to a sexual connection as in the op, it’s not simply a case of ‘adults can hook up as long as it’s legal and consenting’. Sexually maturing goes far beyond adolescence, and respecting women beyond sex still doesn’t seem to be computing.

A man having a job (which many teenagers have, including paid apprenticeships with responsibilities) is not an equivalent to maturity in a sociological sense

And I wouldn't expect that level of maturity from a teenager, even one in employment.

A man of 23 is an adult however and there should be a level of maturity expected. If it's not there, something has gone wrong.

…and can work as a commercial airline pilot. Yep, you can fly with a 23 year old in the cockpit.

He's an adult; you're an adult. Have fun if you're so led.

I think it's fine. He's 23. An adult. He can make his own choices. Your both condensing adults.
But sex is one thing. I wouldn't have a relationship with him though

"I’d tell 20 something year old me that having causal sex with a man in any circumstances is a poor life decision"

For yourself, perhaps. But, for millions of other women across the world, it isn't.

But they are no longer a child. By the age of 18, many young adults move out and begin university, where they are likely engaging in sexual activity, possibly with older individuals.

Well, I was expecting you to say that @FancyRat is being used as a sexual object because she is willing to be with a much older man.

having causal sex with a man in any circumstances is a poor life decision and I should have more self respect

I appreciate you may see it as morally wrong or emotionally damaging.

However, I view casual sex as a natural expression of human sexuality and personal freedom.

Ultimately, what matters most is that the individuals involved make informed and respectful choices that align with their own values and well-being.

I’d have no issue.

What age gaps have the same maturity as each other though? Like, at what point is an age gap ok because you're on the same level?

As an aside from that, are people not allowed to mature at different rates then? Do all 32 year olds have exactly the same level of maturity in all aspects of themselves? And all 50 year olds are exactly the same amount more mature?

Can you let me know the rules please? Or do I need to divorce my DH because we aren't exactly the same age?

Creepy

However, I view casual sex as a natural expression of human sexuality and personal freedom.

Ultimately, what matters most is that the individuals involved make informed and respectful choices that align with their own values and well-being.

Sounds like a very male way of looking at things to be honest, most women are socially gaslit into believing that giving her body to men is the ultimate gift. And men are of the understanding that it is something they are owed above all else. This isn’t about individual cases, it’s not even about the age gap here. It’s what sex means to men and women, and even in a casual sense it has completely different meanings.

I don't think you can generalise what it means to all men and all women. Some men will view it differently to others and some women view it differently again.

Some women enjoy sex and don't want commitment. It's perfectly acceptable if they do, as long as they're consenting to whatever they're doing and comfortable with it. And safe. It's their decision based on their views, feelings and needs.

Yet another sweeping generalisation.

I, for one, don't believe I'm owed anything by women.

Ok, DannyLovesFanny

I meant child as in son or daughter

Absolutely.

A fuck's a fuck. What's the issue?

Sounds like a very male way of looking at things to be honest, most women are socially gaslit into believing that giving her body to men is the ultimate gift.

I'd say that is more the male way of looking at things. You are centring men and making women's actions about them. Whereas women who centre themselves go after sex because they want it and enjoy it. The fact that men also benefit from it isn't a reason for them to deprive themselves of it.

👏👏👏👏👏👏

I'd go as far as saying that your partner enjoying the intimacy is part of the fun

Unless you're reluctant and need to be coerced into the relationship; an enthusiastic partner is not giving up anything.

This thread is a real eye-opener, that’s for sure.

Some posters, at heart, are just very against women enjoying sex. They’re determined to demonise those women and to infantilise the younger men who desire them.

Tbf some posters have done a very good job of trying to intellectualise that stance, even quoting spurious academic studies about brain development and whatnot.

Some have just called it ‘gross’ or ‘creepy’ without further attempts to unpack that. I suspect that they just find older women ‘gross’ 🤷‍♀️

I have no personal interest in this topic. I’m in my 40s but my husband is in his 50s. I have no designs on younger men!

Sure, there can be elements of power imbalance in all sorts of relationships. These can be age-related. But tbh I’ve seen many a younger woman take the dominant part in a relationship. We’re all different.

The ‘what if it was the other way round’ crew are a bit tedious (because, as is always the case, the other way round would also polarise opinion). But I do agree that older men do sometimes wield power over younger women in a very patriarchal way.

But the reverse is obviously not going to be the same! The older woman doesn’t benefit from that patriarchal power structure, obviously! I’m a woman in my 40s; I do not feel ‘powerful’ in relation to a 23 year-old man. Why would I? Yes, I have more experience and (probably) financial security, but I don’t have male privilege, superior size, strength etc.

People are being very blinkered in some cases.

Funnily enough though, in my 20s I very much felt the power balance lay in my favour when dealing with middle aged men. Certainly in dating.

Flirting with someone older can be an ego boost.

It's weird imo.