Teach me the art of getting a guy interested?

[Lordsoftheboards]

A man from work in his late 30s. I've kinda seen him around a few times but didn't really know him.. anyway we went on a work event together on the weekend and seemed to get on really well, I heard him saying to someone he was single.

We were both on the WhatsApp group and I thought I'd go for it and send him a casual private msg. He seemed happy I'd text him and then started texting me more, asking questions, joking etc.

He took a while to reply to the last one saying shit sorry I meant to reply earlier. I was breezy and then sent a jokey reply to a joke he'd made.

That was two days ago and he hasn't replied (there was stuff to reply to) but has been online a lot. Ahh well.

I didn't send essays, I didn't just talk about myself of come across as desperate in any way.

I don't think there's anything I could've done differently but this has happened a couple of times, well twice, this year. I just don't know how to get men interested. I'm attractive etc, I just don't know. I'm being myself, it's just tough.

Just had a very sudden change of heart which the previous one seemed to. I could understand if it was dead chat, really boring, just went on about myself, nothing in common, sent 6 million texts at once etc. But nothing of the sort. Just very sudden loss of interest.

Ignore them. I’m not joking

If a guy is interested, he'll chase you.

Have a pulse?
I joke.

If he likes you he likes you. You can't force it or manipulate it.

So me sending the first text looked desperate and I 'chased' him?

1. He made an effort to get to know you a bit more but may have decided that he didn't want to go any further than being a work colleague.

1. Or he enjoys his single status and isn't interested in dating.

1. He's gay.

1. There's someone else he's interested in.

Let it be now as for whatever reason he isn't interested.

Given that he's a work colleague you don't want a reputation of being a problem.

Honestly I'll be ignoring every single fucking male from now on.

I'll never truly know I guess but I've already deleted his number so zero intention of messaging again.

Don't be silly.

Just because one man isn't interested doesn't mean you won't meet someone who is.

Being intense is a sure way to put anyone off let alone a man!

What baffles me is the speed at which they lose interest, can anyone elaborate?
I can totally understand a gradual loss of interest, but it's pretty much overnight. Very much like, I fancied a pizza earlier and now I'd rather have a curry.

He’s just not that into you.

You can't "make" a man interested in you. Either he finds you interesting and wants to get to know you better, or he doesn't. You're never going to be every blokes cup of tea.

I won't be every blokes, but I feel like I'm no blokes!

He’s not the right one for you. Dont waste time here, keep looking.

nothing wrong with sending the first text/making the first move. The trick is knowing when to cut your losses and move on.

The secret of finding a great partner is to quickly eliminate the mediocre ones. And one who isn’t bothered about replying to your messages in a timely manner is mediocre.

Have you tried asking them out for a drink or coffee? The worst they can say is no, but at least then you don't have to sit and wonder. I do agree that when a man is interested you'll know, but I also believe that if a man is interested you can't put them off by texting too soon/making the first move.

You're right, I'm definitely glad I deleted his number and I can act politely at work but no more.

Lol ironically pp is right to some extent about ignoring xD

Lots of warmth when you are with them. BUT when you aren't, be busy. Be busy doing your own thing. Don't let them tie you to your phone. Don't agree to last minute meet ups (at least, not regularly).

Always remember your time is precious.

Absolutely fine to talk about yourself. Especially your ambitions. Confidence and dreams are sexy in men and women.

Quality time over quantity.
If they back off, you back off too. Not to play games, just, to match the level of energy you receive. It's not your job to chase men.

Be warm and friendly yes, be interested, but also have your own life and tolerate no shit.

This guy might be a write off. But maybe he'll pop up again. If he does, match his energy. Ask for what you want and if he doesn't meet the standards you need, move on.

By that I mean, if he gets back in touch, maybe with something like 'sorry its been a busy week, how are things?'. You say 'You as well? It's been a madhouse at work for me too. I have some time free next Wednesday and Thursday if you want to grab lunch?'. If he's interested, he'll either agree or suggest another day. No faffing.

Arrange things. Get them in place. If the guy umms and awws or cancels or rearranges things at the last minute (at least, more than once) move on as he's not that into you. And you can't change that shit.

Oh I did yes, not this one but the previous man. I asked him for a coffee and he accepted. Then I made suggestions about us seeing a film and it were as if I had two heads. I just don't fancy asking anymore.

I have never pursued a man but have had plenty pursue me when I was young like you.

The world has changed now and many people are happy being single for longer.

Cultivate a healthy wide circle of friends and different friendship groups and have hobbies and interests that make you an interesting person to talk to.

By being sociable and appearing as an interesting, fun and engaging woman you are more likely to have men approach you with a view to dating.

For the record I didn't reply immediately to all his messages, I don't with anyone. I took several hours too as I'm living my own life.

Well, I do think you can do a lot to make someone interested with a bit of direct eye contact.

But next time don’t message after the first occasion - that’s just making it too easy. Crossing paths is the way to go.

Did the coffee happen in between you asking, and asking about the film? Sorry it's not clear

See people say this, and I live a very full life. I've plenty of hobbies and I certainly don't go to them with the intention of meeting men. I'm just saying that when I do come across men I fancy and engage in chat with them, they suddenly lose interest.

They have a bad reputation on here but I really like The Rules for that sort of thing. They are written in a bit of a twee, North American way, but most of them are common sense. People think they are about being manipulative but really, they are about investing in people who invest in you.

Be happy and busy. If a man messages you, do a couple of things before you get around to replying.

If you want to go out on Saturday night (say) and the guy hasn’t made plans with you, make plans with someone else by Thursday. The point isn’t to play games but to have a full life.

Fair enough, we crossed posts.