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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Happy Birthday or not?

149 replies

hopefulwishes · 06/04/2008 21:19

Need the mumsnet jury on this one as not sure if I am being unreasonable or not.

Today was DH's birthday and we live in a small town so shopping wise not much choice and tbh DH is a pain to buy for.
I never seem to get it right.

So the children get him a card and make a card as well and they got a little pressie to open some nice socks and his favorite chocolates and I put some money in a card so he can buy something for himself as he works in the city.

I bought him an expensive bottle of red wine and we had croissants for breakfast after he had a lie in and a nice relaxing bath.

He says he needs to nip out at 11.45 .
2.00 and still no sigh and he is the puband I had arranged a nice lunch so ask him when he is coming back ,styaing calm as it is his birthday.

He comes back at 2.45 and I put lunch on.

We had

trout fillets with sliced avacado
Mousakka,potato dauphinoise and salad
Tarte au Citron
cheese and biscuits

Had a nice lunch until towards the end the phone is ringing and I just miss answering it and it was his sister ringing from abroad and she leaves a message.

All change ,he gets in a right strop saying I should have been quicker answering the phone and he does'nt bother ringing her back.

He then went upstairs for an after lunch nap,comes down at 7pm in a right mood.

Complaining is that all he is worth a pair of socks and I could have put more effort into it.

I am hurt as made a lovely lunch with a nice bottle of wine and going on past experience whether it be christmas or birthday he always criticizes what I buy him.

He said it was insulting to put money in a card for him.
But I did it with the best intentions.

He spent most of the morning and afternoon in the bath,pub and ate lunch and then went for a sleep until 7 so I thnk he has had a pretty good bitrthday ,he did'nt spend much of it with us.

OP posts:
Original poster
hopefulwishes · 06/04/2008 21:22

Meant to say he then went up to bed at 8.30 still in a mood saying I need to get up early tomorrow,goodnight.

OP posts:
nametaken · 06/04/2008 21:25

No YANBU.

To cover yourself in the future, simply ask him what he would like for his birthday and then get it.

If he still complains you can say "I asked you what you wanted, you've got what you asked for, how can you possibly complain?"

DoYouSeeWhatISee · 06/04/2008 21:26

What an ungreatful nob
It sounds like you did your best to make it a nice day, i would just leave him to it and hopefully he will be guiltridden in the morning

motherhurdicure · 06/04/2008 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

notjustmom · 06/04/2008 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hulababy · 06/04/2008 21:28

OK, I personally preder a present to money BUT his past behaviour at recieing presents has been negative, so I can fully understand why you gave money.

Rest of it sounds like spoilt brat behaviour from him! Seems like he got to do lots of nice birthday treats that he chose, most of which were excluding his wife and children (pub and nap (who naps in the day unless a toddler or working nights?! chance would be fine when you have children to look after ) etc.).

Next year just don't bother full stop if that is his attitude. He doesn't deserve it.

And why couldn't he get to the phone???

WanderingTrolley · 06/04/2008 21:28

Is he 12?

Ignore him until he can behave like a grown up.

Elasticwoman · 06/04/2008 21:29

Some people are not good at receiving presents. Your dh sounds like one of those.

He is being ungrateful. Especially if he didn't tell you what he wanted beforehand.

beaniesteve · 06/04/2008 21:30

There was a thread on here a couple of weeks ago where someone (female) was complaining that she was given money in a card by her husband.

goes to find it

No1ErmaBombeckfan · 06/04/2008 21:31

YANBU - if he measures effort and intention by the value of the gifts then he is an even bigger ar*e than how he behaved....

Some people can't handle getting older...

brimfull · 06/04/2008 21:33

I have a female friend who acts like this every birthday.
It is spoilt childish behaviour.

Original poster
hopefulwishes · 06/04/2008 21:35

Well he reckons I am a meany and what hurt was the children picked the socks for him ,they are only 4 and 6 as they say daddy can never find a pair of matching ones.

He also said don't bother next year.

The thing that makes me laugh is his mother always gives him a cheque and he never complains to her that she has'nt put much effort in.

I know by past experiences if I buy him clothes I always get it wrong.
Wrong colour,style etc.

As he likes to but expensive clothing I thought he could choose something for himself in the shops around where he works.

It just put a downer on the whole day and DS could tell I was upset and the little darling came into the kitchen and took hold of my hand and I said "I love you"

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 06/04/2008 21:36

Do you work? If not, I can see why you giving him his money back might not thrill him.

You gave him a girls luch, - my DH wouldn't have been chuffed with it (although I would ), but I don't know what your DH likes.

Men can be moody gits at times!

beaniesteve · 06/04/2008 21:37

here www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=2724&threadid=505211#10224937

DoodleToYou · 06/04/2008 21:38

Message withdrawn

bluenosesaint · 06/04/2008 21:40

arsehole

Elasticwoman · 06/04/2008 21:42

So, Hopespringseternal, what DID he expect you to come up with for your birthday? Something specific, a surprise, what?

Elasticwoman · 06/04/2008 21:42

I mean his birthday

Original poster
hopefulwishes · 06/04/2008 21:45

AS for the phone I left riniging him as long as possible so not to seem like I was nagging but only just this friday gone he went for drinks after work for his birthday and came back unable to stand and the children were still up so I told him to go straight to bed as I did'nt want the children seeing him in that state and got called a fu*cing bitch for my trouble and told I am not perfect.

He never rings to tell me he will be late.

No1ermabombeckfan-you have hit the nail on the head-he has been acting oddly all week and complaining about this birthday ,he was 47 today .
I keep telling him it's juat a number and get over it.

He did put a few things in the dishwasher before he went up to bed but whilst unloading it nagged at me because there was still some food on a wooden spoon and he kept sayng how many times have I told you to clean food off things before puutting them in the dishwasher.

He begrudingly kissed me goodnight on the cheek and stropped off.

OP posts:
lucyellensmum · 06/04/2008 21:46

lynette, i dont really understand your post - she gave him money because she couldnt find him anything in the small town they live in (i have this problem too so i gave DP big fat nothing and told him to buy himself something) Did he throw a strop, did he even get pissed off, NO well if he did he didnt show it - in the past we have always been extravagent with pressies but its never expected.

A girls lunch????WTF???? I suppose she should have given him a good old fashioned meat and two veg or a steak and been grateful that he lowered himself to come back from the pub.

He is acting like a spoilt brat - let him stew - ungrateful twunt

And what do you mean, does she work???? OMFG - its totally irrelevant, if she is a SAHM she works, does that not mean that giving him money isnt appropriate? I know its "his" money, the same as when dp gives me money, its "my" money, i am a SAHM he works, but the money is "ours" the same as it was when i was working. Its just a way of saying, look, ive not had chance, coudlnt think of anything, wouldnt you rather have some "me" money instead. Totally reasonable if you ask me.

Original poster
hopefulwishes · 06/04/2008 21:52

I don't work at the moment but always did up until having the children.

My DS has SN and am helping him in school on certain days so at the moment he is my priority until the school can take over.

He said he loved the lunch,it just went pear shaped when he missed the call from his sister and that was my fault.

I don't know what he expectd for his birthday he did'nt hint at anything.
I naively (sp) thought a nice meal with his family would be enough.

Will take a look at the other thread,thanks.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 06/04/2008 21:52

LynetteScavo - doesn't matter if she works or not. If she doesn't work then surely it is THEIR money not his? She is caring for their children is she not - does he pay her to do that?

Girl's lunch? eh?! Sounds like a wonderful meal. How can food be for girls or boys? Good food is good food! DH would be very pleased to have that lunch made for him, and he would be appreciative too!

Panino · 06/04/2008 21:55

hopefulwishes - I am 48 next birthday. May I book you for mid-October??

Poor thing.

Panino · 06/04/2008 21:56

But seriously..could you NOT see it coming?? At all??

Original poster
hopefulwishes · 06/04/2008 22:03

I was going to do the usual steak and chips or a roast but though this would be something diffrent.

As for the money situation I always get the "when have you last worked,what money do you bring into the house" routine.

"Well up until my DD went to school full time have been looking after your children" is my usual reply.

Also my DS has seperation anxiety issues so working in the evening would have been difficult and due to his complex needs wanted to be with him anyway.

I do get carers allowance and DLA for my DS but would give that back in a flash if it meant my son did not have his disablity.

Panino- will see what I can do

OP posts: