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AIBU?

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Original poster

Happy Birthday or not?

149 replies

hopefulwishes · 06/04/2008 21:19

Need the mumsnet jury on this one as not sure if I am being unreasonable or not.

Today was DH's birthday and we live in a small town so shopping wise not much choice and tbh DH is a pain to buy for.
I never seem to get it right.

So the children get him a card and make a card as well and they got a little pressie to open some nice socks and his favorite chocolates and I put some money in a card so he can buy something for himself as he works in the city.

I bought him an expensive bottle of red wine and we had croissants for breakfast after he had a lie in and a nice relaxing bath.

He says he needs to nip out at 11.45 .
2.00 and still no sigh and he is the puband I had arranged a nice lunch so ask him when he is coming back ,styaing calm as it is his birthday.

He comes back at 2.45 and I put lunch on.

We had

trout fillets with sliced avacado
Mousakka,potato dauphinoise and salad
Tarte au Citron
cheese and biscuits

Had a nice lunch until towards the end the phone is ringing and I just miss answering it and it was his sister ringing from abroad and she leaves a message.

All change ,he gets in a right strop saying I should have been quicker answering the phone and he does'nt bother ringing her back.

He then went upstairs for an after lunch nap,comes down at 7pm in a right mood.

Complaining is that all he is worth a pair of socks and I could have put more effort into it.

I am hurt as made a lovely lunch with a nice bottle of wine and going on past experience whether it be christmas or birthday he always criticizes what I buy him.

He said it was insulting to put money in a card for him.
But I did it with the best intentions.

He spent most of the morning and afternoon in the bath,pub and ate lunch and then went for a sleep until 7 so I thnk he has had a pretty good bitrthday ,he did'nt spend much of it with us.

OP posts:
Original poster
hopefulwishes · 06/04/2008 22:06

I could'nt really see it coming at all.

He seemed quite happy with everything until he missed that call from his sister.

It came out of nowhere.

I can only imagine the drink was starting to get to him and he was upset about not getting to talk to his sister.

OP posts:
WinkyWinkola · 06/04/2008 22:06

It sounds like you put a lot of effort into making his birthday lovely. I'd be happy.

He was drunk / hungover and irritable. That's why he was a git to you. He really was a git.

Does he drink a lot? Is he this way a lot? If so, then it's because of the booze.. . . . NOT you.

Original poster
hopefulwishes · 06/04/2008 22:09

WinkyWinkola-on and off he drinks a lot and is never a good thing.

As you say it is the booze not me but I am an easy target for his frustrations and grumpiness.

OP posts:
Heifer · 06/04/2008 22:14

he sounds a right twat twunt twob!

In the morning let him know how upset he has made you feel and that whilst you understand that he wasn't so happy about receiving money from you at least you did spend time and effort preparing him a nice day.

Do not let him get away with treating you like sh*t.

LynetteScavo · 06/04/2008 22:14

Well in my defence, quite a few people complained they didn't like the meal served at my wedding because it was a girls meal, neot the traditional roast or what ever.

I don't earn any money, and so spend DH's money. Ok , it is our money as he puts some into a joint account, and doesn't ask what I spend it on. But is there any point in getting his money from the bank and putting it into a card? My DH would just have to put it back into the bank, and then buy himself something with a debit card. Which he wouldn't do, as he never buys him self any thing. And how much would I put in a card? I'd be a lot more generous if I earned, than if I was giving hime his self earned money.

I'm ranting, I know.

horsish · 06/04/2008 22:14

can I come to your house for dinner?
That meal sounds fabby!

LynetteScavo · 06/04/2008 22:21

Small towns are no excuse for not gift buying, in this internet age. Would be bloody pised off actually if DH gave me cash.

pinkyminky · 06/04/2008 22:25

My DH would consider that to be a really lovely birthday! He sounds more like my dad who can be a selfish grump at the best of times and is bloody awful when drunk. Sorry, don't mean to sound really insulting about your husband, he just hit a nerve!

Original poster
hopefulwishes · 06/04/2008 22:27

I will have a word with him tomorrow am tell him how upset I am .

I just feel he was so ungratful and what hurt me more was the children seeing him all grumpy on his birthday and it spoilt the whole day.

My DH does'nt give me any of the money he earns but does pay all the bills etc and the money I recieve for the children goes on food and clothes for the children.

I thought the meal was ok as well horsish,
especially s I got him an expensive bottle of South African red he likes which he drank most of!!

OP posts:
Hulababy · 06/04/2008 22:28

But OP has bought presents in the past and never recieved a positive comment for doing so, so why should she bother anyway? He is never grateful for her efforts in the past, why now?

Original poster
hopefulwishes · 06/04/2008 22:37

LynetteScavo-I can see what you are saying but have explained that my DH is such an awkward bugger to buy for.
Can count numerous times when I have bought clothing that was wrong or shes etc.
Aftershave that he did'nt like,ties the wrong colour or design.
He will be going shopping with his mother's sizeable cheque she sent him so just thought he would be happy choosing something for himself.

Still does'nt alter the fact that I spent time and effort making him a nice lunch which he could'nt be bothered to let me know when he would be home for from the pub.
Beraing in mind he was nipping out for 10 mins not 3 hours.

I said nothing,played it cool and still got it wrong.

pinkyminky-no worries be as insulting as you like ,today he was a selfish grump

OP posts:
Original poster
hopefulwishes · 06/04/2008 22:40

crossed posts Hulababy-exactly what I was saying.

At christmas I always get "the look " or the "this does'nt fit,have you still got the reciept?"

OP posts:
UniversallyChallenged · 06/04/2008 22:42

birthday or not - he was a rude, ungrateful man who doesnt deserve your patience. Fancy saying that about the socks [shocks] poor dcs.

Idiot, like a brat who doesnt get his favourite toy at xmas.

Mum1369 · 06/04/2008 22:49

By the sound of your posts, you know he is being unreasonable.
He is.
He is acting like a child.
He needs to realise you won't accept this behaviour.You have enough on your plate right now (excuse the pun - your menu did sound bloody lovely..!)

Original poster
hopefulwishes · 06/04/2008 22:49

I know socks is'nt ideal but coming from the children he should have been gratful.

They were so sweet at lunch,DD was playing her toy guitar and they were both singing happy birthday .

I would have been happy with just that.

OP posts:
Original poster
hopefulwishes · 06/04/2008 22:54

I know he is being unreasonable more so for my children than myself.

Especailly as were going to eat at 3 but with his disappearing act from 11.45 until 2.45 we did'nt eat until 4pm.

Even then he came in at 2.45 expecting it to be ready at 3 but explained I had'nt put it in the oven as did'nt know when he would be back and didnt want it spoiling.

I then got accused of stresing about it and that would spoil it for him.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 06/04/2008 22:57

hopefulwishes, you were going to eat at 3. He was home 1/4 hour before that, expection to eat at three.

You say he has had a pretty good bithday, so be happy for him.

Why didn't you phone his sister back, and hand the phone over?

There is something I'm not getting here.

Mum1369 · 06/04/2008 23:01

He is taking you for granted. The only way you can stop this from happening is to make it clear you will not accept this behaviour.
You are his wife not his maid.
He probably just needs reminding of this. You sound like you have been very accomodating for too long. He doesn't appreciate your efforts. From what you are saying he doesn't seem to appreciate the childrens efforts either. He needs a reality check. He appears to think the world revolves around him - a common side efeect of working in the city....
You sound lovely, I'm sure you can work this out.Hopefully he will come to his senses and realise what a lovely family he has and how lucky he is.

paros · 06/04/2008 23:05

I think lynette you are being a bit harsh .

WallOfSilence · 06/04/2008 23:07

Lynette...get real will you!

Why are you picking at this woman who has bent over backwards to give her ungrateful brat of a husband a nice birthday...

Your last comment is just ludicrous!! Why the hell should she have dialled the number & handed the phone over??? Has he lose the use of his arms?

I am so shocked at your thoughtless comments, seriously!!

eidsvold · 06/04/2008 23:09

why should she phone the sister back so he can speak to her. He sounds like an ungrateful little brat - more like 4 not 47. You made him a lovely meal, the children picked him a present and made him a card. You know what - he need not have had money in the card.

He chose to spend most of the day away from you and your children and then has the nerve to complain about his birthday.

Don't get why the phone call was your problem. Miss the call, get a message - his sister calling for his birthday - he can call her back. He was in the house - why did he not get the phone.

That is very insulting and down right ungrateful to say you did not put much effort into it when you made him a fab meal - obviously entertained your children so he could have a sleep in, a long leisurely bath and an afternoon nap.

eidsvold · 06/04/2008 23:09

and NO you are not being unreasonable - he is totally unreasonable.

Pavlovthecat · 06/04/2008 23:11

Selfish ungrateful sod.

Even if you got him bugger all, he should have spent the day with you and the children.

My DH would have been well chuffed with that meal. And would have been very pleased to get socks, or anything indeed from his child.

What did he want his children to 'buy' him?

Seriously, selfish. he ruined his birthday himself.

motherhurdicure · 06/04/2008 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bluenosesaint · 06/04/2008 23:14

Lynette - what era are you living in?

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