Dh said he doesn’t need to remember I’m allergic to penicillin

[Coppery]

yesterday my health got brought up with dh and I said I’m allergic to penicillin. Dh acted all surprised even though I’ve been in hospital before and it’s been brought up several times at various appointments and I feel like he should know by now (together 15 years)

he said he didn’t need to remember one specific drug, doctors will work it out and he can say it’s the one everyone is allergic to. We travel a lot so we’re not always in developed countries either which worries me now.

i said he surely he can just remember it as that’s better. He said he can’t help not being able to remember everything and he won’t be remembering it and that’s that.

Aibu to be pissed off that he apparently won’t bother remembering one drug I’m allergic to?!

Get a medic alert bracelet. Honestly, it's so much peace of mind.

If you were in an accident with your husband or he was uncontactable for some other reason him knowing or not would be irrelevant

It is important to carry your own information on your allergy, in the UK there are no centrally held medical records, and what appears in one hospital will not necessarily appear in another one, and that's if you are even in a hospital, you may be given some drugs by the side of the road, or by a GP who doesn't know your history. Bracelet/necklace and the information in your bag is the way to go.

But, he's awful. Of course he can remember this one allergy. I have had to intervene twice for two different family members to explain to health-care staff in an emergency what their medical history is so they can be appropriately treated. You might be alone, but the chances of you being properly treated go up hugely if someone knows your medical history and can advocate for you.

What a dick. One day he may have a complex illness that requires many different medications a day. Will you just shrug your shoulders and say 'it's too hard to remember?' or actively try to help him out. Just one way in which women become the health-carers for the whole family and make themselves iller in the process whilst their husbands glean all the benefits of being well taken care of.

Is there anything he really hates to eat? If there is cook it, when he complains tell him you don't need to remember one specific food, as he'll tell you when he eats it. But I'm petty like that

My Aunty has just been discharged from hospital after the dentist gave her an amoxicillin injection without checking her allergies first. Her face and mouth swelled to the point where it was dangerous.
Definitely worth him trying to remember incase you are ever in a position where you can’t remind them yourselves.

I didn't say that "every professional role you need to remember everything off the top of your head". You do have to be remember a lot of facts and information for most professional jobs though. If that wasn't the case anyone could just walk off the street and do any job without any training. I'm not talking about remembering meetings/appointments as obviously most people use calendars. However, do you not think doctors and other healthcare professionals have to learn about drugs and diseases for example? Why do you think they spend so many years training?

Medicalert bracelets do this very well too. I wear a medic alert bracelet and a silicone wristband that has my condition in bold (a lot of medications are very dangerous for me, including many antibiotics). I also have a card in my wallet and details on my phone and at the start of every medical /dental appointment I make sure I remind them.

I do the same for my children who have allergies, I always double check with the doctor /dentist etc. They never mind. Even the allergy nurses don't mind me double checking with them.

But relying on my husband wouldn't seem like a great approach, he could be incapacitated in the same accident as me or he could be uncontactable for some reason. I have sent him a WhatsApp with a link to the list of medications I must avoid, but I feel it is more likely that in an emergency they will rely on my medicalert/the ICE info in my phone as that will be quicker

I would say learning something is very to remembering a fact though, doctors learn about different diseases but they don’t have to remember them all. I have had my GP open up google during an appointment to conclude a diagnosis and look up medications and appropriate doses etc before prescribing. It’s not expected that every single thing is remembered, they will learn to recognise the signs and symptoms that suggest, for example, an issue might be viral or bacterial or that symptoms indicate a metabolic disorder or a cancer etc but they don’t need to remember every disease it could then be or every drug that could treat it, they’re allowed to look things up or discuss things with other medical professionals. The OP’s husband should be expected to remember that his wife has an allergy, but I don’t think he has to be expected to remember the name of the specific medication, especially if he doesn’t have a medical background.

They might look up one or two things but they aren't looking up absolutely everything. It would take far too long and it would be dangerous to not know certain things at off the top of their head too. OP's husband doesn't necessarily need to know the name of the specific medication but he could at least remember that she is seriously allergic to an antibiotic.

You can get allergy alert cuffs that fit on your watch instead of a bracelet.

There are two sizes I think. The photo has one of each size I believe.

I have just asked my DH about my antiobiotic allergy, and our daughters different antibiotic allergy. He knew my daughter had one, but not to which, had no idea about mine, but said write them down so I know, but buy yourself a bracelet, he realised mine was serious when 8 told him what had happened, and knew repeated exposure would worsen it.

He did remember our food allergies (he is a chef)

There is nothing complicated about remembering "penicillin". It's a commonly used word. He wouldn't need a medical background to have heard of it, to be able to pronounce it, or to remember it.

He would just need to care about his wife's welfare. This is apparently beyond him.

Your husband needs to remember it is vital . The first few times of having a reaction to medication can be non life threatening then without warn it can become anaphylaxis which will kill you ! I suffer multiple drug allergies all of which result in anaphylaxis and I’ve spent a lot of time in ICU due to changes in my reaction to different drugs . My husband’s knows them all as do my adult children because I can’t talk if I’m unconscious. Also get a medic alert braclet asap

birthdays and Christmas and everything else so I shouldn’t have been so shocked I suppose. he does manage to use his phone diary superbly for all things work

Does he forget your birthdays etc ? If so don’t bother with his. It sounds tit for tat but sometimes you need to in order to see if they’re happy with the treatment they give out to you.

Same with being petty

I mean I can remember my dad is allergic to penicillin, my manager is allergic to ibuprofen
It's not hard!
The amount of stuff I have to remember and it's like men sometimes are just.. walking round with a head full of empty

My dad had to ring me to ask my DOB. I'm an only child
No wonder my mum married him on her birthday!

This.

He's refusing the mental load.

My ex used to say "oh I'm not going to worry about it" and I remember thinking oh ok that's a good idea I won't either. Then I realised that if neither of us worried about it our daughter wouldn't have any baby milk for our journey/wouldn't get through passport control/insert other key item here.

I genuinely think one of the reasons men can progress more than women at work is their ability to just shrug off the mental load.

@OhamIreally i think that’s probably the case here as well sadly. I think that’s what stung the most, the realisation that there’s only one person that my dh thinks is worth caring for. Himself. So it’s good this occurred so I can start spending more time being concerned for myself and our dc going forward as I have pandered to his wants and needs.

I should probably have a bracelet as well but just have a card in my wallet. Are the bracelets common enough that they're checked for?

I have an anaphylactic reaction to penicillin and anything ending in -cillin, and others. Whenever I see a doctor or dentist I tell them before we talk about anything, then I tell them again if they say they're prescribing. Then I ask the pharmacist.

Once had a doctor at a walk in suggest I take it anyway 🙃

Bloody hell, I know that my FIL is allergic to some GAs and I don't particularly like him that much. How difficult is it for you DH to remember something about you who he supposedly loves and cares for.

This would actually really bother me. I’m sorry you’re married to such a selfish, inconsiderate arse. Is he like this about other things, or just the life and death ones?

Good for you! Emotional self care is so important.

Do your own thing. And if you don't have money put by in your own 'rainy day fund' you need to start one.

Tell him if he was ever allergic to something severely, you’ll be sure never to remember it, deliberately and with malice. That’ll make him think.

Allergies can develop in later life, he could get one too.

btw I get awful long lasting hive type symptoms from penicillin so avoid it, as it could well develop in to worse.

Also would he not remember if it was your child?

I like this idea,

and get a duvet printed with it on too and also write it in marker pen on each peelable fruit in the fruit bowl

Actually mark everything he touches with the info. So much so that he sees penicillin in this dreams.

I think your marriage is a problem.

Sometimes it's the small details that count. Sometimes it's the attitude. And sometimes it's both.

A) Your husband can't be arsed to remember something that might kill you
B) Your husband seems to not care less

Nope. I could not imagine my husband being guilty of A or B.

So what is it that attracted you to your husband?

There are many strengths in a marriage. He's got lots of other values right?