Dh said he doesn’t need to remember I’m allergic to penicillin

[Coppery]

yesterday my health got brought up with dh and I said I’m allergic to penicillin. Dh acted all surprised even though I’ve been in hospital before and it’s been brought up several times at various appointments and I feel like he should know by now (together 15 years)

he said he didn’t need to remember one specific drug, doctors will work it out and he can say it’s the one everyone is allergic to. We travel a lot so we’re not always in developed countries either which worries me now.

i said he surely he can just remember it as that’s better. He said he can’t help not being able to remember everything and he won’t be remembering it and that’s that.

Aibu to be pissed off that he apparently won’t bother remembering one drug I’m allergic to?!

He doesn't forget - he just doesn't care enough to remember. Sorry you're lumbered with such an uncaring wazzock.

I don’t think you should ever rely on having someone with you that can relay accurate medical information. I’m T1D so insulin dependent, important to know in an emergency, so I have a small engraved metal bracket on my watch strap that gives the basics and my ICE (which is DP!), he couldn’t tell you what insulins I take or my doses but does know I carry a card in my wallet with the details. I’d recommend having something on you that alerts a medic and maybe ask your DH if he could make sure they know about it if ever needed

I don't think I'd know or remember if someone was allergic to penicillin. Presuming if he was asked when you were unconscious (god forbid) he'd say he didn't know? I wouldn't know my own or someone else's blood type, for example.
If it was a food allergy I'd expect them to know just bc we eat together all the time.
Anything medical isn't really his responsibility. Unless he's witnessed you having loads of visits by ambulance, hospital admission after accident etc. Even then he might have been to stressed to pay attention to that part.

It's not like you are asking him to memorise your entire medical history or a whole list of things you are ok to take and aren't ok.

"Are you allergic to penicillin?" is something you are always asked when being admitted to hospital. It's the only thing he needs to remember.

What a self-important arse.

wilful avoidance, actually, wilfully wilful

I was married to one like this who affected disinterest in anything
he didn’t believe was important - he would throw back his head and yawn
when I was telling him anything he didn’t want to hear, one time where the
girls’ school was - he didn’t know this let alone the names of their teachers
or best friends even
Apparenty, when they yawn lengthily like that, it closes their ears so they
cannot hear !! so that weeks later, they can say, I didn’t hear you tell me that!

btw he never once went to their school for any reason, even when one was
very distressed, to their immense relief it seems

You need to remember this if you are next of kin to anyone. Blood type and allergy to penicillin is the basic stuff you need to remember, and you absolutely do remember it if it's important. Anything medical is your responsibility when you are married to someone. In sickness and in health.

My mum had extensive notes about my dad's conditions required when he could often not speak for himself. I wouldn't rely on doctors to be immediately au fait with someone's medical history.

I would be doing things like ‘what would you like from the shops?’ Then forget it and say sorry I forgot. It’s not life threatening like I’m allergic to penicillin, so how am I supposed to remember you like milk chocolate and hate white chocolate? Petty yes, but men like this basically tell you how little you matter all the time.

I guess that just goes to show how different peoples brains work, remembering stuff is clearly something you find easy so you can’t really understand how someone else can find it hard. I guess it’s like lots of things, people who have good spelling and grammar or are good at mental maths might not understand how somebody else could consistently fail to spell simple words or not know their times tables but if something is hard for you it’s hard and it doesn’t matter how many people who say it’s easy tell you that you just need to try harder, it doesn’t suddenly become possible. As someone with adhd and asd I am very used to being told that things would be possible if I just tried harder by people who don’t have difficulty with it, but the reality is if you find it hard to remember things you can’t make yourself remember. Yes, there are strategies you can use but they might not work. I definitely wouldn’t want anybody to rely on my memory for something as important as an allergy because I know memory can be a weakness of mine, I think it’s reasonable for anybody who doesn’t always remember things to stipulate that they shouldn’t be relied on so that alternative ways of providing the information can be found.

If you can't remember then you need to have a note on your phone about it. I have a lot of things I need to remember and I certainly can't remember it all without assistance.

I apparently have an allergy to an antibiotic (not a -cillin, thankfully) that my parents forgot about.

I only found out about it during the booking in appointment for my second pregnancy when the midwife asked "Are you allergic to any medications - oh yes, it says here you're allergic to X".

I asked my mum about it and she said "oh yeah there was something about that".

I feel weird when Drs ask about allergies, I tell them yes, and then they ask what sort of reaction I get, because I have to tell them no one remembers but it's been in my medical notes since I was a child and who knows if I'm even still allergic?!

I wonder if the problem is that he thinks his support human (you) shouldn't be 'faulty'. If you have the temerity to potentially cause him inconvenience, you are supposed to sort it out yourself and not bother him with it. He is too busy with important things to remember trivia like this.

In that case, it sounds like plain hostility on his part.

You have a life threatening drug allergy and he cannot be bothered to remember a simple drug name? He's trying to belittle you and show he doesn't care (or believe you?).
I'd certainly develop an allergy to him!!!

You could get a medicalert bracelet for when you're travelling. "Allergic to pencillin and the knob I'm travelling with" 😉

I think that's really sad. If you cared about someone, you would make the effort to remember something like that simply because you cared. He's being unkind.

Why dosen't he just get 'I couldn't care less about my wife' painted on the side of a bus?

I certainly wouldn't be going to an underdeveloped country with someone with so little regard for my safety.

I also wouldn't find ANY humour in the situation.

I take a lot of anticoagulant, I wear an alert bracelet. There's nothing subtle about it, it's visible from space. In fact the haematologist snatched my last one off me and replaced it as it had faded to the point where it would only be visible from the next county.

DH knows about my medication, I know about his allergy. It's part and parcel of being in a kind and loving relationship.

@shearwater2 yes, this is totally true. I hope he does remember it now.
I don't think she should take it as a sign he doesn't care about her or her health though. Not in isolation anyway.

I wouldn't stay with a partner who thought so little of me. He is not your friend OP. Get rid.

He absolutely does need to remember, and if he has trouble he needs to have it written down eg on travel insurance docs if you're travelling.

What if it was one of your kids?

My DS is allergic to it and it was distressing when we found out

She said she ended up in hospital because of the allergy.
That's how she knows.

You do need to get a bracelet and/or a card to go in your wallet in case you do end up hospitalized somewhere and in no state to tell them yourself.

However, I think your DH is being an absolute arse saying he doesn't need to remember. Of course, he should remember. Does he not even care what happens to you?

If he's not capable of remembering that you are allergic to penicillin then he's got serious problems with his brain.
But I don't believe he can't remember, he just doesn't want to and can't be bothered because it's not about him. I bet if he was allergic to it he would remember and he'd expect you to remember as well.

Prize prick of the week.

Do you not read the newspapers. Lately a woman wasn't given CPR because they thought she had a DNR....infact the DNR they got confused with was a male. There are plenty of horror stories.

Anyway, it's still not the point her husband should remember important information like this. Imagine if she had sepsis and very ill. It shows lack of care and consideration for her.

Got yourself a prize there didn't you? Let me guess, you do all of his remembering for birthdays, special occasions etc?
You lucky lady you. Does he generally act like both your worlds revolve around him? I'm guessing yes. Bar off the floor please.