Dh said he doesn’t need to remember I’m allergic to penicillin

[Coppery]

yesterday my health got brought up with dh and I said I’m allergic to penicillin. Dh acted all surprised even though I’ve been in hospital before and it’s been brought up several times at various appointments and I feel like he should know by now (together 15 years)

he said he didn’t need to remember one specific drug, doctors will work it out and he can say it’s the one everyone is allergic to. We travel a lot so we’re not always in developed countries either which worries me now.

i said he surely he can just remember it as that’s better. He said he can’t help not being able to remember everything and he won’t be remembering it and that’s that.

Aibu to be pissed off that he apparently won’t bother remembering one drug I’m allergic to?!

Remind him every night until he says he can now remember it, ie, chicken for dinner don't forget I'm allergic to penicillin. Are we going to that nice Italian restaurant, remember I'm allergic to penicillin. A glass of wine? don't forget about my allergy to penicillin. Time for bed it's really important you tell the Doctor I'm allergic to penicillin.

Or get him a tattoo, my wife is allergic to penicillin!

That's true. 95% of people who think they are allergic to penicillin are in fact just intolerant. Theres a drive to start delabelling people due to antibiotic resistance.

However the op says her reaction landed her in hospital so she probably really is allergic and you would have thought not a hard thing for a partner to remember!

I was about to say similar, obviously yours is a true allergy but to be honest I take penicillin allergy with a pinch of salt unless they mention swollen throat or similar. Maybe he is like me, you didn't stress the severity so he didn't retain it.

Yes I do have lots of notes and reminders etc on my phone, although sometimes I mean to add a note or reminder but then get distracted and forget this as well! But yes generally I do put dates into my calendar or write notes and reminders, but I think the insinuation on the OPs post was that her DH should be able to remember off the top of his head. I think that’s unreasonable, obviously asking him to write it down in his phone wouldn’t be at all unreasonable and if he has refused that I would be agreeing with those saying he should make more effort.

My DH knows my entire list of allergies and intolerances. It’s long and keeps getting longer. My child knows the list too. It’s not difficult. Neither of them put any effort into the memorization, it’s just normal information to remember about a close family member.

what on earth are his good points? Because he sounds very selfish, very self-centered, and very very far up his own arse.

One of the nice bits about being married is supposed to be living with someone who actually likes you are cares about you.

He should know. One of my children is allergic to penicillin and twice it's been prescribed by a uk dr without asking if she is allergic to it and I've had to say is that penicillin my child is allergic

From now on could he not remember it as:

"that time I was an idiot regarding your penicillin allergy"

Your fella is a muppet

@Coppery

I'm sorry but this has infuriated me. It seems to signify 'where you are' on his pecking order and it's unacceptable. An allergic reaction to penicillin, even if it starts out 'mild', can turn into an anaphylactic reaction at any time. What he refuses to remember just might kill you. And apparently that's not something he regards as very important.

If I were you I'd start 'not remembering' his shit. His family's birthdays would be for him to remember. If he doesn't like a certain food, he needs to remind you of that before you go shopping. Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

Although my issues aren't anaphylactic, my DH knows I have Celiac Disease and Hemochromatosis. If I were to go to the ER unconscious, he'd be able to tell them to avoid any gluten containing substances and to check my iron levels. I'd be able to tell him about his past heart problems. Why do we remember these things? Because we love each other and because it's important in an emergency that medical staff get that information immediately.

He doesn't want to remember it, OP. Doesn't want to take responsibility for your health should the need arise. He doesn't sound very nice to be married to.

My mum said that my face started swelling up as a baby when I had penicillin.
I've only had antibiotics once in my adult life, about 20 years ago so it's not something I've had reason to test. (My mum died 13 years ago so I can't get more details)

Your H is being a twit for some reason. Is he trying to wind you up?

I have two medicine allergies, one being penicillin and the other an ingredient in most otc painkillers. Actually three, I found out recently, but the third is a lot more unusual.

I live in a country where medical records are digitized and available to any doctor or hospital anywhere, but I also carry a card in my wallet with my known allergies, as well as my primary care doctor's contact info written on it. I keep it paperclipped to my medical insurance card so paramedics or hospital HCPs would easily find it. It's a small card the size of a credit card, takes up very little space.

I also keep my next of kin's name and contact info on the card. He in turn is aware of my allergies.

Your H might consider keeping a card in his wallet with your allergies and GP number, etc, written on it. You could do the same for him. It's basic care of another human being.

But yes, I can't imagine why he wouldn't see the point of remembering something so important. I'm sure he'd like you to do that for him if the boot were on the other foot.

Yes to this.

I'd tackle this head on.

The irony is that now you have had a bit of an argument about it, he actually will remember it, despite his protestations, and I have no doubt that were he asked in an emergency situation, he would have retained that you are allergic to penicillin, precisely because you argued about it.

That said, it sounds like he's a self-important arse and has clearly illustrated this by his apparent 'refusal' to remember (as if it's even a choice - that isn't how remembering works!), and that is the issue.

He's being an inconsiderate arse

Plus uncaring, potentially putting you in a dangerous situation. How would he feel if you behaved the same towards him, OP? 🌹

OP has said he needs to remember things to do his job and that would apply to most professional jobs. It isn't rare to be able to remember important things if you do a job that requires qualifications and responsibilities.

He's literally telling you that your physical safety is so unimportant to him that he refuses to remember one simple thing that is as routine as a bus route number. What a total cunt. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, but maybe it's for the best because at least you now know he doesn't give a fuck about you. Think about it, he is literally saying if you were unconscious in a foreign hospital he'd let them kill you with penicillin. You have plenty of time to get out of this and find a decent man. Best of luck.

I think I will get a bracelet, accept he’s an arse and stop sorting things out for him that he can do himself as I am insulted and hurt tbh and I wouldn’t treat him that way at all.

It’s obviously just not sticking. Get one of those bracelets.

I have a professional job which required post-graduate qualifications (specialist SEN teacher with mandatory qualification), I have responsibilities. I have to remember things but that doesn’t mean I always can off the top of my head, I make use of things like calendars and my diary to make sure I don’t forget important meetings, appointments and deadlines and my line manager is aware I will need extra reminders in order to remember things.

I administer medications as part of my role but I would never be expected to remember the correct medication for any child or remember allergies etc (and neither would anybody else); important medical information like that is written down and we would always check paperwork before giving medication or food to a child with an allergy etc. It’s simply not true that in every professional role you need to remember everything off the top of your head, it’s pretty normal to use a diary/ calendar in most roles to remember appointments for example, and indeed for many professional responsibilities (such as administrating medication) using memory is forbidden - paperwork must be checked each time regardless of whether you think you remember the dose/ medication etc.

Are you planning to have children? Is he also planning not to remember anything that they are allergic to? You know, so that you have to organise everything they ever eat, correspond about every party and play date, and do all school and medical admin for the rest of time?

Just worth thinking about/asking him directly, if you were planning to procreate with him.

This. What a tool.

My exdh can't be bothered to remember what meds our son is on and what they are for.

Ds was in the hospital and they gave him the wrong meds. Ex had no clue what was happening.

After that I sat down and went through them with him. There are only three meds and he's been in them for years.

Ex looked me dead in the eyes and said he'd never remember that.

If he cared he'd remember. That's all there is to it.

Your DH is telling you he doesn't care about your health. That's a pretty shitty thing to say to your wife.

Please don’t take penicillin allergy ‘with a pinch of salt’ ie disbelieving it. Even if you only have a small reaction first time repeated exposure to the drug worsens the severity.

Who does most of the cooking in your house?

If it’s you I’d forget about his likes and dislikes pretty quickly. After all, it’s not reasonable for you to remember loads of food preferences if he can’t remember one serious allergy.

Either he’ll realise he’s being a dick and apologise. Or you’ll get to only eat your preferred meals. Win win I think!