Dh said he doesn’t need to remember I’m allergic to penicillin

[Coppery]

yesterday my health got brought up with dh and I said I’m allergic to penicillin. Dh acted all surprised even though I’ve been in hospital before and it’s been brought up several times at various appointments and I feel like he should know by now (together 15 years)

he said he didn’t need to remember one specific drug, doctors will work it out and he can say it’s the one everyone is allergic to. We travel a lot so we’re not always in developed countries either which worries me now.

i said he surely he can just remember it as that’s better. He said he can’t help not being able to remember everything and he won’t be remembering it and that’s that.

Aibu to be pissed off that he apparently won’t bother remembering one drug I’m allergic to?!

Tell him you’ll have it added to your medical notes that he should not be asked about allergies or other important medical information as he is unreliable.

Please don’t rely on others where allergies are concerned. Can you buy a medic alert bracelet or similar in the event that you couldn’t inform healthcare staff yourself?

Every time he asks you a question that he needs an answer to, ask him what you’re allergic to before answering.
”Have you seen my keys?” “I don’t know. Tell me what drug I’m allergic to and I’ll think about it”….

@Keepthosenamesgoing haha ok that made me laugh not sure if that was your intention. We’re both in our late 30’s, definitely going to ask if I should book him in for an early dementia appointment when I know full well he’s capable of remembering or in the very least pretending he will be trying to remember my allergy.

He couldn’t do his job if he didn’t remember things, he has clients that ring him anll the time and he manages to recall tiny details from years ago. He said that’s not the same as this though.

It doesn't sound as though he's a very caring person at all. What is he like if you are ill? Is he a thoughtful person generally? Would he remember something like that about his own mother?

Is he really the love of your life?

He couldn’t do his job if he didn’t remember things, he has clients that ring him anll the time and he manages to recall tiny details from years ago. He said that’s not the same as this though.

Tell him you quite understand that it's not the same - his clients are important to him and you're not.

Utterly disrespectful, disgusting and inexcusable.

He clearly doesn't want to remember.

What does that tell you about his feelings towards you?

He's being a dick as pps have said.

Every time you make him a cuppa or a meal, hold it just out of reach and say in a patronising voice 'now, what do I have a life threatening allergy to.....?' And when he answers 'well DONE! Good boy, here you go.'

Maybe not... but tempting!

I get a different colour band at a&e

It’s also in a huge red banner across the top of my notes, visable so that I can see it across the desk haha

how can he not know?

😂

This wouldn't have been the only time he's an absolute dick, I'm sure.

Severe allergies here. And other severe medical conditions.

have a medic alert bracelet and carry written info in my bag and a husband who knows and has told medics when unconscious my allergies / needs / drug regimes etc…

my friends don’t know all my drug allergies (they know the food ones) but do know I have multiple allergies / serious medical conditions - they know where my emergency medication is and that if anything happens and I can’t speak for myself - they can help by directing ambulance / Dr’s to my medic alert bracelet and to give them the written sheet that I carry in my bag to pass on vital info.

I find your husbands disregard / lack of care and interest in your health and needs really sad and shocking.

i have had my live saved by others awareness and interventions when I couldn’t communicate.

Of course in a day to day appointment you can speak up for yourself but accidents happen - unrelated to your allergies / conditions and I don’t think it is too much to expect your life partner to assist the Dr’s with basic info when time can be critical.

how can he be like this with someone he is meant to love and care for? I would be so hurt.

Please get a medic alert bracelet or necklace . You desperately need one.

Sorry, misquoted.

I would 'forget' lots of day to day things, such as how he likes his coffee, what food he dislikes etc. How can you be expected to remember everything?

Get a bracelet because he's a dick, and you could die because of his shit attitude, then say what @Nouvellenovel said.

Surely remembering something isn’t really a choice? Either you remember something or you don’t, you can’t really make yourself forget something just because you want to and equally if you don’t remember something you don’t remember it and not much you can do there either. I think it’s better that he is admitting this is something he is struggling to remember than he just say that of course he will remember when clearly he can’t, at least that way you can take steps to ensure you don’t rely on him to share this information. A medical bracelet or tattoo would probably be more helpful than relying on another person, especially as he might not always be with you or in a state to share the info should you have a medical emergency that left you unable to share this yourself anyway.

So is this relationship really worth your time?

I’m going to bet that I’m right on the following things he can and can’t remember.

Can remember: everything to do with work. When he has plans to do something or meet someone. When his car needs a service.

Can’t remember: when everyone’s birthdays are, including his side of the family, and remember that he needs to do something in advance if they are going to receive cards/presents. Whether there is anything in the fridge for dinner. When the boiler needs a service. When the house insurance is up for renewal. When you need a lift to the station for something you are going to do to enjoy yourself.

Am I close?

I presume that you didn't do well academically at school if you think remembering something isn't a choice". It might be hard to forget something you know but much easier to remember the name of something such as a drug if you make the effort to learn the name. Did you not learn things for exams.

Yes he could easily remember.
But what are the chances what you’ll ever be in a position where you’re unconscious, he is with you and you’re at a hospital where you’ve never been? Anywhere you’ve previously been admitted will have it on your records.
I think you’re both being unreasonable; you for making a big deal out of nothing and him for digging his heels in over it.

I assume he manages to remember stuff at work.
What flavour of crisps he likes.
Which supermarket stocks the beer he likes.

He's clearly a twat in other ways, as no genuinely caring person would think what their partner is allergic to isn't something they need to remember?? How can he possibly justify this to himself.

Ding ding ding!
They can always remember some minor fact about a football player who retired 10 years ago that they were told once, but not what their child's teacher is called...

I am also allergic to penicillin my face swelled and so did my throat I was lucky it was treated fast. I wear a medic alert bracelet with the engraving on the inside so I don't shout it to the world how to kill me. I have had several different ones over the years, necklaces too that tuck the information below the neckline of the dress if I am say attending a wedding and don't want a bright bracelet on my wrist. My bracelet was £25.

Have a look on Etsy there are some beautiful ones or a necklace, something. Firstly your Dh may not always be with you and secondly if you are unconscious and need antibiotics for some open wound they could kill you. Take some responsibility for it.

I learnt things for exams but I have a photographic short term memory so I just read the revision guides the night before each exam and remembered everything long enough to pass the exam but I doubt I could pass a GCSE or A-level now despite getting all As and A*s as it’s not in my long term memory. I feel like it’s easy to commit things to short term memory but you can’t really choose which facts go into your long term memory, I can remember lots of birthdays but then I have the odd friend where I just don’t seem to be able to remember their birthday no matter how many times I try and remember it’s like I have a mental block. Maybe my memory works differently to other peoples (ASD and ADHD) but I definitely can’t choose what to remember, I will remember the most random things but then forget things I really wanted to remember like passwords or birthdays and have to rely on reminders and notes on my phones to remember those things, even if I make an effort to remember something like a birthday or appointment or phone number there’s no guarantee I’ll remember it when I need and try to recall it a few months later. Sometimes things just don’t go in even when you try and it’s best not to rely on memory alone for something as important as an allergy, much better to find a more reliable strategy such as a medical alert bracelet/ tattoo.

My mum is. I have it as a note on her contact in my phone. Just in case. Yeah your husband should remember your allergies.