Dh said he doesn’t need to remember I’m allergic to penicillin

[Coppery]

yesterday my health got brought up with dh and I said I’m allergic to penicillin. Dh acted all surprised even though I’ve been in hospital before and it’s been brought up several times at various appointments and I feel like he should know by now (together 15 years)

he said he didn’t need to remember one specific drug, doctors will work it out and he can say it’s the one everyone is allergic to. We travel a lot so we’re not always in developed countries either which worries me now.

i said he surely he can just remember it as that’s better. He said he can’t help not being able to remember everything and he won’t be remembering it and that’s that.

Aibu to be pissed off that he apparently won’t bother remembering one drug I’m allergic to?!

Why not get yourself one of those bracelets that have your allergies engraved on thrm?

https://www.medicalert.org.uk/
Sorry, posted without link!

They will always ask if you’re allergic to penicillin because it’s quicker than them looking it up every time. If you’re in a life or death situation, he should really know!

My DH knows everything I’m allergic to and they are a much lower risk of accidentally killing me than penicillin.

It doesn't seem a particularly difficult thing for him to have to remember. It could also be important in a medical emergency.

I'd be pretty pissed off at how he's finding something so very straightforward so difficult. Is he usually so useless?

Doctors don't always go searching through your notes when you're in a hurry and need medication. That's why they ask you (or your DP if you're unconscious or anything) "Are you allergic to anything". He's being an inconsiderate arse

Bet if he had a deadly allergy he would expect you to remember it. What a dick.

I dont understand why he can't retain this information. Has he got memory problems?

He also knows I have been prescribed penicillin incorrectly several times including once at a&e despite my notes saying im allergic. I ended up in hospital from an allergic reaction to penicillin so it’s not a mild reaction. although this didn’t happen since being with dh.

yes I’ll probably have to get a bracelet or whatever but it’s more the principle of dh saying he can’t remember one drug I’m allergic to that’s pissing me off.

They always ask. He just has to say yes. It sounds like he has problems with memory. I hope he doesn't do a job that requires him to have one.

Of course he should bother remembering it. Allergic reaction to penicillin can cause anaphylactic shock. Which can kill.

My Dad had that reaction to penicillin. His throat and airway swelled up. That was back in the sixties. He was told then that he should never have it again, and he never did. Any doctor treating him for any infection was told that early on in the consultation that alternative broad spectrum antibiotics should be used, not penicillin, and it was also on his records. He would normally tell them himself, but late on in his life when he was no longer fully able to do that we did it for him.

Yes, your DH really should take some responsibility and remember this. If you were unconscious and unable to communicate it yourself then it could be essential, even life saving, that he did.

Just tell him that in the event he is seriously ill you may forget that he would like to be resuscitated. 😂

Can he write it down on his phone so he can check?

I agree he should remember but given it's a practical problem that has to be solved I'd probably take a multi-pronged approach.

1. Get him to write it down on his phone.
2. Add to your emergency information on your own phone, and maybe write it down on paper in your purse.
3. Possibly get one of those bracelets depending on the scale of your allergy.

No memory problems afaik. Has a high up job in a field that uses one’s brain every day and required to remember vast amounts of information so this has further annoyed surprised me him saying he won’t be remembering what I’m allergic to.

Get a bracelet.

Tell him why - it's because he is unreliable and could seriously endanger you if you are unable to tell medics you are allergic and he can't answer that question correctly.

(It will also be useful if you're on your own and unable to answer, but that's not relevant here.)

Sounds like one of those arrogant asses that can't admit when they're wrong so he's doubling down on something he's clearly wrong for. I'm not sure it goes much deeper than that.

He is saying that he does not want any responsibility placed upon him. This tells you A LOT about who he is.

So he's basically telling you that he doesn't really care about you and it's not his responsibility to remember this.

The way I deal with people like this, my DP is a bit like is, is to treat them in the same way. I prioritise myself, I don't even think about his health etc because he is responsible for himself and clearly only cares about himself. I don't ask for any help or support sending the message I don't need him. It's amazing how having this attitude frees headspace giving you more time to focus on taking care of yourself.

It’s not terrible that he didn’t remember you were allergic to penicillin - my DH might not have remembered either, as I’ve never been prescribed it since I’ve been with him yet he’s also been with me when I’ve had to say ‘allergic to penicillin’ in healthcare situations.

What’s terrible is that he’s saying he won’t remember it - and he’s just being spiteful to say that, he’s digging his heels in because he’s annoyed you were surprised he didn’t know. It’s a childish and immature reaction. Is he usually one of those who has to be right at all costs?

@makeanddo yes that’s pretty much it. Got me questioning what else he doesn’t care about as I think this is fairly important. He cba to even pretend he was going to remember it. Or write it down. Just upfront saying he isn’t going to.

This says what I meant much more succinctly!

You don’t need him really to remember, as even in hospital when you have a bloody red band on saying your allergy they still come and give you a bag full of bloody amoxicillin that causes a huge reaction, despite already being in hdu following surgery on my jaws so already obstructed airway, I mean she had 2 patients and still got it wrong. Was so unpleasant and painful covered in hives itchy swollen etc anyway he probably would remember if he needed to, I just asked my boyfriend and he was like kiwi yes but that’s not a drug, He got there eventually.

It must be this, surely. Of course he's capable of remembering one single word that could make the difference between you living and dying.

It's not hard.
I know my friend is allergic to penicillin (and seafood for that matter). I don't struggle to remember it.

Ask him if he's having memory difficulties and should he get a early onset dementia assessment

Yes.

I think you should start forgetting about things that affect him

except….I really couldn’t be with someone who cared that little. Are there other things?

You don't need your DH to remember that you're allergic to penicillin. If you are at the doctor's or in hospital, they will ask you, not your husband. Unless you are unconscious, and in that case they would (or should) look it up.