Dh said he doesn’t need to remember I’m allergic to penicillin

[Coppery]

yesterday my health got brought up with dh and I said I’m allergic to penicillin. Dh acted all surprised even though I’ve been in hospital before and it’s been brought up several times at various appointments and I feel like he should know by now (together 15 years)

he said he didn’t need to remember one specific drug, doctors will work it out and he can say it’s the one everyone is allergic to. We travel a lot so we’re not always in developed countries either which worries me now.

i said he surely he can just remember it as that’s better. He said he can’t help not being able to remember everything and he won’t be remembering it and that’s that.

Aibu to be pissed off that he apparently won’t bother remembering one drug I’m allergic to?!

YANBU.

My late DH and I had all each others allergies memorised as if we were getting emergency treatment it was most likely lung related (me: asthma, him: fibrosis and oxygen treatment) so it's very likely we would be unable to speak to explain.

We also kept track of each others food allergies as a double check against accidentally ordering the wrong thing in a restaurant as we both had/have allergies to things often "hidden" in a dish.

If you don't trust him, make sure your phones emergency page is up to date. You can enter all your details of medication you are on and emergency contacts, allergies etc. This then puts an "emergency" button on the lock screen of your phone that lets first responders view it without a pin code.

This is a big relationship red flag.
It certainly would have me rethinking the future.
I wouldn't be dismissive of this at all.
No partner that genuinely loved you would be so flippant about something so serious.
Have a serious rethink.
If you hsve children, start detaching.
He most certainly hasn't got your back.
Tell family and friends this information, for your protection, and that he has refused to note it.
Huge red flag IMO.

I'd be telling him he's not going to be my emergency contact if I can't count on him on this and that he should put someone else as his contact too. What's the point of a dh who won't do his best to help save your life if needed?!

Maybe a calmer conversation about it once some time has passed will help.
If you acted really shocked or dismayed that he didn't know it may have put him on a defensive mindset of "I shouldn't have remembered it, she's being unreasonable not me"

Bring it up in a week or so and say something along the lines of "I know it's hard to remember a medication name when it's not one you ever really use, but could you think of a trick to remember that my allergy is to penicillin such as remembering that it starts with pen, and then before we go on holiday I'll give you a reminder too so that it's fresh in your mind"

So many posters missing the point.
It's not about the allergy - it's the refusal (because I can't think of any other appropriate word) of her DH to care enough to retain the information.

Oh yes, OP should absolutely baby her husband into perhaps bothering to try to remember the name of a drug that could be fatal to her.

OP, he's a dick, and he's making a point about how much he values you and your safety. Listen to him.

@FluentRubyDog - you have a good point, it's not what I would call a relationship and I am dealing with that.

However what it does to me is very liberating. I think there's a lot of women out there who do more and care about their partners health, wellbeing, food choices etc and their partner doesn't reciprocate. Why would I care in that way when someone doesn't reciprocate? Why would I care for someone in old age when they wouldn't do it for me?

Let's turn it around and ask a man what sort of relationship it is when he doesn't care in that way? I'm afraid I only have the option to do this because society won't change its expectation of men,

Surely you've seen the way some people go off when they struggle with tolerance for mistakes?

It may not be the case here, but if it is then changing approach will solve the issue.

It’s a very sad reflection on him - but it’s one that would propel me into punitive measures.

What is there about him that he expects you to remember? Now is the time to forget. If you cook and he likes his steak rare? It would be well done. If you share a car and he’s asked you to leave the seat in x position - don’t, because you can’t remember. You could have endless fun with this - but yes, get the bracelet as he clearly can’t be relied on.

I have rhesus negative blood - my DH was very quick to remind the midwife when I was bleeding after a cervical sweep. I honestly don’t know if I could have stood him being around me if he’d claimed he shouldn’t need to remember.

He can remember @Coppery , he just doesn’t want to!!
what a dick

I think if you only attempted to learn things the night before the exam, it mostly wouldn't be committed to long term memory. You generally have to "learn it" two or three times and not in a rush for it to stay remembered.

"My husband had a go at me because I forgot something he was allergic too"

"Omg how could he, you should not be expected to remember everything that is terrible"

"He sounds terrible i would not stand for it"

So the reverse?

I'm allergic to about 40 different things and my husband remembers all of them, even the stupid ones like wool that are unlikely to be a problem in a medical emergency situation. Five of them are medications that are a lot more unusual than "penicillin" to remember.

It's not about the allergy, it's the fact that this grown man can't be arsed to remember one thing that could save his wife's life in a medical emergency. Yes of course doctors should look it up, but they often don't, especially in countries where medical care is poor.

bring this up in a few weeks time and he will
assure you he never said this at all, or, that he has no memory of ever saying
such a thing ha ha

My husband is allergic to penicillin and I always raise it.

It sounds like he doesn't want to remember to prove some sort of point, or to control you?

I don't get why a loving partner wouldn't make a point of remembering that you're allergic to a drug, unless there's some deeper issue going on .

What would he do if he didn't remember and the worst happened? Find another fuck buddy and support human?

He's setting up plausible deniability for when he murders you with some gorgonzola.

Wow. What a way to express how much he loves you and cares about you.

Just wake up every morning and say “I’m allergic to penicillin” he will remember

You should always know your partners/significant others health data. Hospitals don’t have this info on their systems. I’m fact not everyone’s entire medical history is even on a computer as we’ve found out the hard way. Gp and hospital computers aren’t always linked even in the same trusts let alone if you are abroad. You may not be in a position to advocate for yourself - you rarely are if you are ill enough to need a hospital.
wear a bracelet as you might be alone in an accidents without id.
This is him not realising it is serious and what the outcome could be.

In an emergency situation where you cannot speak for yourself, he will definitely be asked. Replying that you aren't allergic to anything could put you in an even further precarious position on top of whatever is already wrong with you.
But as others have said, there's plenty of jewellery around that you can wear with SoS medical symbols on which you can put details of your allergy on/in as you may not always be with DH anyway when that information is required.

He doesn’t want the responsibility does he? If anything happens then the finger gets pointed at him. Very immature. I hope if you have a baby you have a good advocate for you.

Track down the episode of ER where Kerry Weaver accidentally treated a man who was allergic to penicillin and he died as a result. Show it to him.

I will get a bracelet. I’m not always in the U.K. we are often away in less developed countries that are less likely to check so I do feel like he doesn’t care and should. It’s not really the allergy. It’s my dh acting like he doesn’t care about remembering it and when pulled up saying it’s not possible for him to remember everything. When I’m actually asking him to remember one thing.

and yes he’s the type that forgets everyone’s birthdays and Christmas and everything else so I shouldn’t have been so shocked I suppose. he does manage to use his phone diary superbly for all things work. Often walks around the house saying things like, Siri put calendar reminder in for 4pm with John.

but Siri won’t be hearing about my allergy apparently. think I’m jealous of what is sooo important it gets a chat in with Siri 😂😂