Do you regret putting your career first?

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Posting for traffic as unsure if I should apply for promotion or not. Kids are teens now. I am 50 and in a large company with opportunity for progression, demanding, client facing role. I joined less than 5 years ago and previously worked part time in smaller companies. I am si glad I was able to share so much time with the kids when they were little and feel they are closer to me because of that, also good and sensible kids. Husband is the high earner and in a busy job.

But I always think of these high achieving women, who work so hard, always climbing up the ladder; not much free time. What motivates you? Is it money? Sense of achievement?

Family, health, travelling are my priorities so I am not sure I should push myself a bit more career wise. Kids will be off to university in a few years and I want to spend as much time as possible with them.

My company is full of young and ambitious people without family commitments

Am I being lazy? Should I try harder? I don’t want to end all stress out. Maybe wait a few more years? Would be nice to get pay more.

I'd go for it personally. You won't regret it later as you'll have a much better pension.

Totally up to you what you want to do.

I'm curious though would you ask a man what motivates him to climb up the career ladder? You said your husband is a high earner. What motivates him? Is family not his priority because he works long hours?

DS is 12 and I’ve always prioritised my career, with no regrets whatsoever. Not financially motivated, I just like doing whatever I do as well as possible.

And this. Yes.

Teenagers are like cats. They will only seek you out when you are distracted. If you make yourself available they are repelled. You can’t schedule time for teenagers.

I found that I needed to be around, in a not-needy way.

But I am wistful about my average career. Regret is too strong a word, but I wish I could have had both. It depends on how old the teenagers are.

No. The reverse.
Your kids will soon be leading their own lives.

I rarely see men being asked. There's an insinuation that women who choose high flying careers are not putting family first, but no one says it about men.

A few years ago I was in a managerial role but I became stressed and burned out with other personal things I had going on, and I simply couldn't manage everything at once. It got to a stage where something had to give.

I have no regrets about taking the role in the first place as it was good experience and I'll perhaps go back to something similar in future, when my life circumstances allow. I'm glad I did it, even though it ended up pushing me to my limits.

I also have no regrets about pulling back when I did - I needed the slower and calmer pace of life at this stage and it has done me a world of good.

You just have to reflect on your current stage of life and what feels right for you at the moment.

Happy for any man to answer this too but it is mainly mums on this site.

Kids are 17 and 13

I’ve had a great career, which has often needed a 60+ hour week and international travel.

I have also always put my family first.

The two things are not mutually exclusive.

Oh and you asked what motivated us - my main motivation for taking the role in the first place was personal achievement and progression, being "someone", having some control and identity etc. It was an organisation/ cause I really cared about, and I felt I could make a difference and do things well (and I did, until I burned out). My second motivation was financial.

I do wish I hadn't worked as much when the children were small. That time is so precious and I'd now pay anything to get it back.

As older teenagers its a bit different because they want their own space more so you are not necessarily going to get to see them any more even if you're around more.

I disagree about men not questioning this too. My DH demoted himself (he was a Head of Department in v busy NHS Specialty) when our DC were young because he literally never saw them. Left at 6am back at 9pm and it wasn't sustainable for anyone. He has never regretted it, and didn't want to go back to it at all, even now they are teens. Life is short and time with your DC is precious.

I am a Manager no super junior, next step is AD but it is tricky sometimes to have younger people in higher roles. I didn’t start there young though.

Life balance is a priority. I would hate having to work 12 hours a day, weekends, given up holidays. Package is already 75k including employer pension do not too bad. Half of the increases go on taxes anyway. I am also not sure I have the energy at my age.

Aroma of judgement off your post there ! I worked hard for a good job and am very happy with my parenting thank you very much. Have worked myself to a senior position which now gives me great flexibility. I am the boss... if I want an hour off for sports day ill take it and make up the time later. I can also model that behaviour to my direct reports, hybrid is a Godsend if you manage it properly. Also DH has health issues as he gets older and it's a huge relief we are not dependent on him. It's not all or nothing . If you're lucky you can work for 40 years.. I've done full time, four days, parental leave and back to full time hybrid. But the more senior you are the more you can make it work for you.

It looks like a normal male career path.

I wish I had worked far more when the kids were small. On my deathbed, my regret will be that I didn't spend enough time in the office.

Really? How do you do it?

I'd always advise not neglecting things like working, career progression, pensions. Make this as much of a priority as most men do.

Relying on a high earning partner can be a high risk strategy. So many women end up poor in their later years if the relationship breaks down. Especially if not married.