To tell the next person who asks if I'm pregnant to F OFFFFFF!

[Definitelymaybebaby1]

I'm mid 30s - even as a young person I had skinny legs, no bum to speak off and a pot belly - and now 3 kids later it's more prominent. I'm about a size 12/14 overall but I know my figure is imbalanced with a bigger belly than you would expect for my frame. When I lose weight I get smaller all over but maintain the same proportions. It's just my bloody body! I hate it. Of course. Would I be a product of the 90s diet culture if I didn't?

I've recently started a new job I'm excited about, and part of it involves delivering a training course every 4 weeks. I share research and information on how to best work with children who have been abused to other professionals in children's services. I'm passionate about it and feel like I'm good at it. 4 weeks ago, on the first course, I was in the flow of my presentation and at the break some arse man said loudly in front of everyone "oh and is that a little bump? How lovely, when are you due?" I shut him down and left the room to cry in the toilet. I lost my flow and confidence for the day. I told my boss after (which was very embarrassing) but she was supportive agreed he was a thoughtless arse, really talked me around.

Yesterday, second run of the course with a different group of attendees and a lovely-seeming woman with four kids of her own who works in the same sector as me said to me "and how long have you got left at work?" with a smile and look down at my tummy. I said "I finish at 5" and went to my car to car and scream.

I feel like I cannot stand up in front of another group of people and do this course again. I am crawling of out my skin with self consciousness and won't be able to concentrate on what I want to stay for feeling like everyone is analysing my body. Why do people feel like they can say this?! I thought everyone knows it's a no go conversation but clearly everyone is so sure I am, that they think it's ok to say. I want to do my presentation from behind a screen or via an AI avatar next so I can just do my f'ing job without having to be judged for how I look.

I had a meeting yesterday and I was putting the leftover stuff in the kitchen (milk, tea bags etc) and a man that I hadn’t seen before said ‘Aww are you the office mum? We all need an office mum’ 🙄

A few pp have suggested telling people you're not pregnant at the beginning of the presentation, but I don't agree with that at all. It'll just draw loads of attention, and have people looking even if entirely subconsciously.

I would just have the perfect comment at the ready. Without even confirming or denying, I'd just say 'that isn't an appropriate question in this environment', and move on.

I've had it happen to me once too. I never wore the dress I was wearing again!

Give them to all me OP!! I'm fat and pregnant and no one can tell, it's the saddest thing

I agree . Bringing up that you are not pregnant would make you look like you are in fact trying to conceal a pregnancy. The lady doth protest too much and all that.

Oh I totally get this. Post kids and a c-section I've got a pregnant looking belly thatbstay even when I lose weight. Post child 2 I was back at work having lost some of the baby weight and feeling good about myself then a new member of staff (who wasn't aware of the new baby at home) asked me how long I had left. I said forever my final baby is at nursery and I'm not planning any more. I was bold and brazen in front of her and then and cried my eyes out because I had been feeling so good about how I looked. Now I'm peri meno and look more pregnant than ever and really hating it. I don't understand why people think it is OK to make any sort of comment on someone's body at all

I could have written your post, I get asked all the time. I'm so self conscious, constantly trying to suck my tummy in and straighten up my posture but it makes no difference, the comments keep on coming and they're so hurtful. It ruins my day every time.
I once got asked at a concert and the person was so embarrassed she bought me a drink.
I'm a member of a Facebook group called "Sewing for my non-pregnant belly". They have some great ideas for clothes that hide it. Not that we should have to hide it, but it helps me feel less self conscious when I'm wearing something that conceals it a bit.
I always try to reassure the person who asked that it's OK and that I'm not hurt (even though I am) but having read all the comments I might stop that now.