To tell the next person who asks if I'm pregnant to F OFFFFFF!

[Definitelymaybebaby1]

I'm mid 30s - even as a young person I had skinny legs, no bum to speak off and a pot belly - and now 3 kids later it's more prominent. I'm about a size 12/14 overall but I know my figure is imbalanced with a bigger belly than you would expect for my frame. When I lose weight I get smaller all over but maintain the same proportions. It's just my bloody body! I hate it. Of course. Would I be a product of the 90s diet culture if I didn't?

I've recently started a new job I'm excited about, and part of it involves delivering a training course every 4 weeks. I share research and information on how to best work with children who have been abused to other professionals in children's services. I'm passionate about it and feel like I'm good at it. 4 weeks ago, on the first course, I was in the flow of my presentation and at the break some arse man said loudly in front of everyone "oh and is that a little bump? How lovely, when are you due?" I shut him down and left the room to cry in the toilet. I lost my flow and confidence for the day. I told my boss after (which was very embarrassing) but she was supportive agreed he was a thoughtless arse, really talked me around.

Yesterday, second run of the course with a different group of attendees and a lovely-seeming woman with four kids of her own who works in the same sector as me said to me "and how long have you got left at work?" with a smile and look down at my tummy. I said "I finish at 5" and went to my car to car and scream.

I feel like I cannot stand up in front of another group of people and do this course again. I am crawling of out my skin with self consciousness and won't be able to concentrate on what I want to stay for feeling like everyone is analysing my body. Why do people feel like they can say this?! I thought everyone knows it's a no go conversation but clearly everyone is so sure I am, that they think it's ok to say. I want to do my presentation from behind a screen or via an AI avatar next so I can just do my f'ing job without having to be judged for how I look.

Omg what is wrong with some people?! I would never,ever just assume that a woman was pregnant just because they had a little bit of a stomach. The thoughtlessness and ignorance of some people astounds me. And yes,it has happened to me in the past because I have a bit of a belly. Thankfully now I'm post menopause, people don't automatically assume this any more! Sorry you've had to deal with these shitty people OP.

I had this last year when my cousin asked me if number 2 was on the way at a family funeral. I was just about to tuck into a big plate of pie and chips as that was the only food provided.
I had an eating disorder most of my life and had put on weight due to medication to treat my severe pnd after having my daughter which also meant I couldn't conceive a wanted second child without risking birth defects and was on my period so it was quite a sensitivity topic not that she knew that.
General rule of thumb, do you suspect a baby is imminently going to exit a woman's body and you can help? Then yes ask the question otherwise keep your thoughts to yourself

I’m post menopausal and have 3 adult children and this used to happen a lot to me because I was also slim but sometimes had a little tummy (especially on my period). I’ve had someone touch my tummy and say ‘Oh I feel a little bump’ in the middle of an important presentation. A store attendant once asked me loudly when I was due when I was pushing my 8 mth old in a stroller in front of them. It’s so hard to know what to say in the moment and it’s terrible but they are the problem not you. I used to just try to give the death stare or flip the question passive aggressively back on them by saying’No I’m not pregnant but thanks for asking’. Alternatively try saying ‘No I’m not. What about you?’ It stings more if you say it to a man. Good luck and hang in there. You are not alone.

Taylor is on our side!

BBC News - Taylor Swift defends Lady Gaga over pregnancy rumours
www.bbc.com/news/articles/cyxxklwn4vgo

It's awful OP. Ive been there too! It's just body shape and genetics. No one should feel that it's OK for them to comment. When we were selling a house once, the young male Estate Agent commented to the couple they were showing around, " I see you have another baby on the way, the bath is plenty big enough for two". I was mortified for them. They did buy our house but never had a 2nd child. How about some good shape wear to boost your confidence?

Due to diastatis recti from pregnancy, I look pregnant. I try to hide it with baggy tops. A colleague asked me why I only wear baggy tops - I just said "because I'm fat" 😂
If I wanted to reduce my belly temporarily, I'd wear control underwear, it does a great job

All sounds a bit drastic.

You're obviously young enough to look pregnant and hopefully generally cheerful enough for people to think you're pregnant.

Why does it matter if you are or not pregnant?

How does it work with people who know you're not pregnant?

If you have the appearance of being pregnant, and you're presenting .... why not make it part of your introduction?

You have the speaking point to which everyone is listening.

It could be a great ice-breaker. "Hello, thank you for being here. I'm happy to share this information. It's generated some really good conversations. Just one thing to note. Some people think my curvacious silhouhette means I'm pregnant. Thank you, those of you, for all the good wishes. I smile because I'm polite. I'm not pregant. But I'd love feedback on my presentation."

SonoBello

I can't talk for other people but for me it mattered because pregnancy was what I wanted but the reason I looked pregnant (weight gain due to meds) meant I wasn't allowed to get pregnant.
Pregnancy or lack of is very personal and steeped in a lot of emotions. As is weight and how we feel about ourselves. I knew I had gained weight and mostly around my stomach. I wished it was a baby. I wished I didn't have to take the meds. I wished I could be like all my friends and not having to make the decisions I had. The person that said it to me was just being nosy. She wanted to be in on the gossip and I was a pawn in that situation. She was mortified and I'm not going to say that I have to minimise my hurt to make her feel less uncomfortable about making me hurt

This. Aww this is just awful. It really isn't anything to do with you. These are just awful people with zero social skills. No one should ever ask this question unless the baby is physically coming out ! Keep going. U have just been unlucky.

I have the same shape figure as you. Skinny legs, no bum and a pot belly. I’ve been asked before when I’m due and to be honest, I take great pleasure in watching them squirm when I tell them I’m not pregnant. Although, right now I am pregnant with my first and no one has asked me, which is just typical.

id be raging. How dare they. I empathise with you as I have the same shape including stomach seems to be high up, I tend to give the look of death if I catch people looking 😂

Gosh how hard for you.

I'd be tempted to add a preamble saying "Just out of interest, to save you and me the embarrassment later, I'm not pregnant"

Or wear different clothing.

It's not your fault, but re-educating everyone is wearing you out emotionally. 😔

Oh OP I am in the exact same boat; I get asked at least on a quarterly basis some version of "when are you due". I lost two stone before my wedding, was a very slim size 10, yet was still asked if I was pregnant.

In the past two years I've also developed mild IBS which means any sniff of stress and I bloat up like a balloon - awful when you need to stand up in front of a group.

What really kills me these days is hearing kids ask my children if I am pregnant; not commenting about women's bodies feels like a lost cause.

I for Italy not for everyone. I started doing heavy weights two years ago with a PT and my tummy stubbornly remains. It's almost worse now as my legs and arms are even more toned making my tummy more noticeably out of proportion.

I had a cyst and cancer blood markers too. It turned out that I had a simple cyst and endometriosis (the blood marker I had can be a sign of ovarian cancer or endo). I thought I had endo so I asked the surgeon to remove any endometriosis they could find and remove during surgery which they did. I read online that you have to raise it before surgery as you have to give consent before surgery for them to operate on it. Might be something to think about?

Between carrying my fat on my belly, endo and that ovarian cyst I have had many people congratulate me or ask me when I’m due over the years. My lifetime low was the day after I had had some bad fertility test results, at a party talking to a group of people while holding a large glass of wine, and a man pointed at my belly and loudly declared ‘it seems congratulations are in order!’ Then insisted I must be pregnant when I said I wasn’t. Twice.

I've been slim but with a pot belly all my life. I remember girls at my school when I was 7 or 8 telling me I looked pregnant, and as I got older I was told I was fat, but I was actually underweight at the time.

It's a genuine body shape that exists in women and girls, especially if you're short-waisted and naturally store weight on your abdomen. But society in general seems to want to medicalise this shape: the attitude is, if you're female and have a larger belly, it can only be one of two things: pregnancy or there is something wrong with you, something that needs correcting. As demonstrated by some of the replies on this thread.

I wish I could give you some witty, cutting retorts for the future rude people who will say this to you, but so far every time someone has told me that I must be pregnant, I've been too stunned and upset to say anything clever.

I'm sorry OP. I do empathise with you. My happiness is sadly linked to how I look and at the moment it's very bad. When someone asked me if I was pregnant I replied with "no I'm just fat". It ruined my evening.

They should not ask, anybody with a bit of cop on, does not ask that question. Just mark them in your own head as idiots.

I would have to say at the beginning before anyone asks I'm not pregnant and then no elephant in the room or uncomfortableness from you.

I would never say thst to anyone, even if I was 99% convinced they were pregnant! You just don’t! I would respond really loudly with ‘I’m not pregnant I’m just fat’ (you’re not!!) and watch them squirm!

I was asked if I was pregnant while in a sauna. I was 60.

I still recall being asked by an older man if I was expecting while carrying my 6 day first old baby. The look he got from his wife was actually pretty hilarious. I don’t have this problem all the time but sometimes do. It doesn’t overly bother me as I think people are just being thoughtless rather than deliberately hurtful. In fairness when I’ve been asked is times I do look pretty pregnant so I can’t blame anyone for thinking it even if I do think it’s pretty rude to say it. Even if you are pregnant you might not want to talk about it.

That's very rude.

The odd thing is, they don't notice when you are actually pregnant if you are on the tube going to work, and there's a shortage of seats.

Love this!

I know it’s embarrassing but maybe relish in embarrassing them back. ‘I’m not pregnant’ Dead stare. Watch them fluster! Move along with the training. Make the point about not assuming / making comments about people’s bodies.