To tell the next person who asks if I'm pregnant to F OFFFFFF!

[Definitelymaybebaby1]

I'm mid 30s - even as a young person I had skinny legs, no bum to speak off and a pot belly - and now 3 kids later it's more prominent. I'm about a size 12/14 overall but I know my figure is imbalanced with a bigger belly than you would expect for my frame. When I lose weight I get smaller all over but maintain the same proportions. It's just my bloody body! I hate it. Of course. Would I be a product of the 90s diet culture if I didn't?

I've recently started a new job I'm excited about, and part of it involves delivering a training course every 4 weeks. I share research and information on how to best work with children who have been abused to other professionals in children's services. I'm passionate about it and feel like I'm good at it. 4 weeks ago, on the first course, I was in the flow of my presentation and at the break some arse man said loudly in front of everyone "oh and is that a little bump? How lovely, when are you due?" I shut him down and left the room to cry in the toilet. I lost my flow and confidence for the day. I told my boss after (which was very embarrassing) but she was supportive agreed he was a thoughtless arse, really talked me around.

Yesterday, second run of the course with a different group of attendees and a lovely-seeming woman with four kids of her own who works in the same sector as me said to me "and how long have you got left at work?" with a smile and look down at my tummy. I said "I finish at 5" and went to my car to car and scream.

I feel like I cannot stand up in front of another group of people and do this course again. I am crawling of out my skin with self consciousness and won't be able to concentrate on what I want to stay for feeling like everyone is analysing my body. Why do people feel like they can say this?! I thought everyone knows it's a no go conversation but clearly everyone is so sure I am, that they think it's ok to say. I want to do my presentation from behind a screen or via an AI avatar next so I can just do my f'ing job without having to be judged for how I look.

I know you shouldn’t have to, but if you’re getting that upset about it can’t you wear spanx/shapewear or looser fitting clothes?

Absolutely excellent suggestion.

I responded with "Seriously? I am not pregnant, that's so rude"

If this is an ongoing problem, can you afford a tummy tuck?

Op has said it's her body type and been this way all her life.

The problem is not the OP, but the rude and thoughtless people she seems to be meeting a lot at the moment. How would a tummy tuck resolve their crass behaviour?

I really hate how all posts on MN eventually end up in
Get Botox
Get a facelift
Get a tummy tuck
Get a boob job
Fix your nose.

I bet it's not the same on Dad's Net.

Ok not all posts, but many posts.

Can't believe some suggested a tummy tuck! Why should she have major surgery bc someone was a fucking idiot! These morons didn't even ask, just went right to the due date. They should really know better op.

This

I worked with an Iranian woman once who was very direct. Once she came up to me and said "Are you pregnant or fat? I can't work it out." I know it's apalling but I have to admit, it did make me laugh!

Jesus who actually says that??? I would have a retort back ready that humiliates them slightly but isn’t rude enough that it puts you in the wrong.

This is a them problem and not you. Had the same myself. I’m hoping my short story will make you laugh;

Was at a church event and another lady asked me when my baby was due. “Oh, I’m not pregnant, it’s cake”

woman “are you sure?”

fuvks sake, bitch you said that out loud! Is obviously not what I said but ffs I think I’d know better than her!

I am of the same body type and no matter what exercise I do or weight I am, I have a pot belly. I've also not really got a waist. I went to the doctors for a health check and one of the things they did was measure my waist. I knew immediately that it wouldn't be under the magic measurement they think we should all be but my BMI was 24 and my overall risk on all measures for heart disease was 3%. I got told I need to reduce it, like I haven't been trying to do that my whole life?! I said 'no, it's just my body shape' but left feeling like rubbish.

Oh it doesn't stop after 'child bearing age' I had someone who knows me ask if I was pregnant. At 53. I know it's not impossible but it's far more likely to be be fat or a pot belly than that ffs!

I have had this (less so since I gained weight as the rest of me caught up with my belly so I just looked fat). Now I am losing weight I am still getting it even though I am a lot older. I laugh about it now but when I was desperately and unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant it was rotten. Apart from it being hurtful the other part of the problem was that I didn’t want to make the other person feel bad or make a big deal of it. I eventually got over that and would just say “I am not pregnant” and give them the death stare. Cue mortification from the asker but good - I decided I was offering a public service in stopping each person who asked me from ever asking again.

I've been asked a few times if I'm pregnant - DS is 18 months old. I just say "no, I'm not" and move on. Why would it require any more thought than that? Your worth isn't in how flat your stomach is.

Sounds like you are apple or lollipop shaped.

My best friend is, shes also really tall and always had the long slender legs and little bum (size 8 jeans) but then big belly and boobs (size 16+). I was the exact opposite as I'm pair shaped size 14 on bottom with thunder thighs and 'child birthing' hips as people use to say to me in my early teens (weird) but then I was a little size 6 on top tiny boobs. Despite the fact we weren't to different size wise just 'reversed' people use to say I was far too 'skinny' and she was 'chubby'.

People DO know women come in all different shapes so it sounds like your co-workers are just being rude. You can almost always tell the difference between weight distribution and pregnancy but even if they couldn't why would they assume then announce it. Its just odd.

"Sorry, it sounded like you just asked me if I'm pregnant".

This is perfection

I have the same problem..if I wear elasticated pants my tummy sticks out a lot but I also have weak abdominal muscles after my first.
I try to wear loose tops that hide my stomach and trousers that suck me in.
It's shit people shouldn't ask.

I really feel for you this is awful I don’t know what to say!

I’ve lost weight but I was wearing some wide leg trousers recently which were loose and flowy on my legs but tighter across my lower tummy, so showed a little belly pooch sitting down and another woman (colleague) was mid sentence and put out her finger right onto my lower belly/ FUPA and poked it and said ‘this doesn’t really match the rest of you!’
I just replied ‘oh yes well..’ and stared at her.
This person just says what comes into her head but I was like ‘thanks?…’ I mean what do you say?

Maybe a lectern would make you feel less exposed?

A lady who runs a weekly toddler group I go to is very obviously pregnant, must be nearing her due date. I still have NEVER mentioned it because she hasn't said anything about it directly to me and I just don't dare. Even if someone actually is pregnant, you never know if the pregnancy or their personal situation may be complicated - they might not want to have this brought up at work by well-meaning acquaintances. Also it's nobody else's business!

OP I really feel for you, some people are just clueless. I totally sympathise, I am relatively skinny of arm and leg with a disproportionately ample middle and I am aware I definitely look a bit pregnant. Only one person has ever suggested I may be, but ouch, it didn't feel good! I laughed it off but I think if it was a recurring thing I would lose my sense if humour rather quickly...

Really??
I can't believe this happens!

happens to me at 52.