Friends child and gender change!

[Namechangeforthis44]

Don't know if this is the right place to post, but just need some input.
Meeting up with a friend soon, whose child has changed gender. I have no issues with that, live and let live.
BUT
Friend has indicated that we not reminisce about kids childhood as this will trigger her child.
As we have moved away, we only see them every few years, so the one thing we do chat about is their childhood memories.
I think it's unreasonable to tell my kids we can't talk about their memories while we meet up with them.
How do I tackle this?

Agreed

I've been offered ONE way. Read the book. By spending money.

But like I say, it's fine. As this statistic isn't to be found anywhere outside the book, and there are certainly no peer reviewed papers or journals with it in, I will be presume that, like much of this thread, it's just hyperbole. The book isn't available electronically without paying for it. I'm not willing, or able, to spend money on this at the moment.

No thread derailing - No one other than the original commenter needed to respond to me, especially in such utterly ridiculous ways. But I forget this is MN, and not somewhere where people actually bother reading, listening or helping. A nest of vipers really does sum it up so much of the time.

No you haven't. I mean it's all there, people have eyes.

You've been offered various ways to access via a library, read it in a bookshop and two ways of connecting directly with the author.

A lot of trans hate and ignorance here. At heart is a friend and her family who've had a tough time. Surely most of us would jump through hoops for our friends if they asked us? Unless it's criminally or morally wrong then it's respect, compassion and love for a friend. If I was your friend reading your post I think I'd be devastated at such a lack of empathy.

@Downplayit

I couldn't agree more.

@Downplayit Yeah, I think for most posters they are thinking it’s morally wrong to ask their own children to police their speech to satisfy someone’s self image.

Oh look the next shift has arrived to not engage with the points raised and to scold some more.

I think that is a very over dramatic interpretation of what the friend has requested. I think most people, certainly most young people, would have the empathy and tact to not go on about their past to child exploring a new gender identity. It seems some adults may need to be reminded though.

Just in case you are actually genuinely interested @justteanbiscuits I got the book out the library on the way to school pick up.

The statistic comes from one of the former GIDS clinicians Dr Kirsty Entwistle — Clinical Psychologist who noted that of her patients 'Three percent were families where a parent was a registered sex offender [she then notes that] this seems above average. So that needs to be audited" Hannah Barnes then writes (on page 227):

'To put that figure into some context, in 2018 there were 58, 637 registered sex offenders in England and Wales, the vast majority of whom are male. The total male population aged 18 to 65 was more than 18 million. That gives a male offending rate of 0.3 per percent - less than ten times that seen in this snapshot of GIDS families. It's not a perfect comparison by any means, but one would not expect to see this rate in Entwhistle's caseload'

What utter nonsense op. Fair play to you, but no way would I pander to that.

My daughter tried this until I ordered my dinner in a restaurant and tried to eat it like a dog for a split second as I was now a dog. Nonsense finished there and then.

Thank you, I appreciate that. I had DM'd the author but hadn't had a response yet. Gives me a lot more to go on.

Our nearest library isn't walking distance, would be great if it was.

Pure DARVO.

Oh and just a hint. If you want people to show 'compassion' maybe don't start by defaming them as hateful, bigoted and ignorant. There is no human alive who will consider this a respectful way to start. I see the 'compassion' and respect only goes one way, which is an abusive dynamic.

Yes I believe there are probably FTM transitioners who pass, I've never seen one but I believe it's possible. Not so the other way around if they've gone through puberty.

As always the females are used as a shield to argue for the wants of a group of people they have very little in common with.

I firmly believe that women instinctively recognise males as a hard-wired evolutionary instinct designed to protect themselves and their children. A bit like some animals can tell males from females by smell alone.

I worked with a woman for 6 months before I found out she was transgender (MTF). And this was when I knew there was someone transgender working on our floor as we'd all received a memo about it (this was 30 years ago). I've also met a number of others who would, in your words, "pass". I've also met more than one woman (by birth) who have been questioned. One gets abuse, often from women, for being "trans" on a fairly regular basis. She is 6ft 2, and not conventionally attractive. She's an amazing woman, but even she is getting a bit tired of it this whole "women automatically know" but they clearly don't!

😂sure you did!

You can't be this sheltered to think that couldn't happen.

Ah, you don't like what I said so you're calling me a liar. What excellent debating on your part.

Yes. I worked with a transwoman 30 years ago. The shock.

@OolongTeaDrinker thank you very much for providing the exact reference. As it happens I'd lent Time to Think to a friend and only just got it back when she came round this morning, so I just popped here to do it and saw that you have kindly done it already.

@justteanbiscuits if you have kids at school they can probably order the book from their school library. I really recommend that you read it - Hannah Barnes is meticulous at research and a very balanced writer. Her book is a must read for anyone who has friends or family who are questioning their gender.

It came out before the Cass review, but even at the time it was published there was a lot of evidence that the vast majority of young people who are confused about their gender desist as they get older.

But how would you know?

You have no clue if you've been around trans people who pass.

And yes, I've met women who I wrongfully thought were trans.

I actually previously dated an actor who is often thought to be trans. He's not. Just very pretty.

I think 'you can't tell' is all fantasy in a man's mind.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. Women should have the right to single sex spaces. Women and children should have the right to safeguarding. 98% of sexual offences are by men. It's safeguarding that is at risk here.

It wouldn't matter who passed if everyone was telling the truth, as the old school transsexuals used to (and still do - thinking of Miranda Yardley for example).

It's not unreasonable to expect not to be lied to or to not have your choice taken away - which is what happens if there's lying about a space being 'women only' but that actually meaning women with a penis. Very few transwomen have surgery.