Friends child and gender change!

[Namechangeforthis44]

Don't know if this is the right place to post, but just need some input.
Meeting up with a friend soon, whose child has changed gender. I have no issues with that, live and let live.
BUT
Friend has indicated that we not reminisce about kids childhood as this will trigger her child.
As we have moved away, we only see them every few years, so the one thing we do chat about is their childhood memories.
I think it's unreasonable to tell my kids we can't talk about their memories while we meet up with them.
How do I tackle this?

Behaviour and lack of respect which would not be tolerated in any other situation is not just tolerated but actively encouraged and enabled. There always going to be consequences to this - not being good with social communication and social skills is one - and that will have lots of knock on implications.

This, with bells on.

Imagine going into a workplace and telling your employer that they and all the rest of the employees there 'can't talk about' X, Y or Z because it's 'triggering'. This is incompatible with paid employment.

I have had several very difficult situations in my life, including multiple miscarriages. I was desperate for a baby. It hurt, a lot, when people in work talked about being pregnant or their babies / small children. I was very open about my miscarriages. I really thought I'd never have children and that caused raw grief. I didn't demand that no-one talk about babies because that would be incredibly obnoxious and I was aware I was there to do a job not be pandered to like a child myself.

Ah, thanks for finding it. How shit that it's disappeared.

And it reminds me that the colour/word test (which I described the wrong way around) is called the Stroop test, based on the Stroop effect.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stroop_effect

@justteanbiscuits as I said in my post, the fact that one in ten children at the Tavistock had a father or stepfather who was a convicted sex abuser is stated in Hannah Barnes' book 'Time to Think'. Hannah is an investigative journalist with the BBC and has impeccable credentials.

If you haven't read her book I highly recommend it. You can get it from your library if you don't want to buy it. She provides detailed information for every statistic she quotes.

She also mentioned that of the 20 or more doctors who resigned from the Tavistock every single one quoted concerns about homophobic parents who wanted to 'trans the gay away'. Hannah's book is a must read for anyone who has children or works with children.

The teens I know are sick to the back teeth of it all and don't for a minute think anyone is or should be considered the opposite sex by saying so.

Your experience is different to mine then. They're more sick to the back teeth of grown ups making it such an issue. None of them care what pronouns people use.

And having been singled out and 'othered' I can understand why they find the adult obsession with not following someone's wishes quite tiresome.

Thanks for not being bothered to give me the reference.

Maybe the poster doesn’t have the book to hand. You sound so entitled!

She gave you the author and the title, go look it up on Amazon fgs!

I would rather not spend the money right now. Seeing as she has the book, I thought maybe she could share the source rather than expecting me to spend money finding it. I searched on two different search engines, and also on pubmed and can't find it. I would be interested in knowing. It seems like a very important statistic and I would like to pass it on to friends who work in the area.

More entitled than someone who expects me to spend money?!?! 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

In my experience, it is generally on the claimant to back up statements, especially when someone is interested in the source and has tried to find it.

It’s called delusion

Every library will have a copy of Hannah Barnes' book so you don't have to spend any money, just borrow it from the library.

Don't be disrespectful and cheap to the author.

Either go to a library or buy the book. Simple.

You know copyright is a thing right?

This is not safeguarding. Its saying its ok when there is no ability to make an informed choice at present.

We KNOW there are massive side effects and the evidence for benefits is, at best, limited at present.

Adult clinics WITHHELD crucial information about outcomes.

You can't be safeguarding in this context. You are demostrating you don't understand safeguarding. You are being wilfully in denial because it suits your own emotional state.

It doesn't sound like you remotely understand what safeguarding actually is.

There can not be safeguarding of ANY young person who transitions at present. The default safeguard is to not transition because 'do no harm'. Thats ultimately the problem.

If that withheld information comes back better than expected - especially for females who it sounds like it is particularly questionable, then fair enough. But until then, no its just more bloody denial and delusion.

I beg to differ. I am certainly not in wilful denial of anything and certainly not to “suit my emotional state”. I make difficult decisions when I have to and don’t believe in taking the easy option which is what you are implying. I am well aware of what is going on around me and how best to protect my child, I am not part of any cult or promoting any agenda either other than to keep my child safe. Harm is not just physical, it is psychological also. He has self harmed, contemplated suicide because he cannot be the person that he recognises himself to be. The ultimate safeguarding has to be to prevent that from happening. All the agencies that we are in contact with ( I am not referring to pro transition organisations before I get taken out of context) are satisfied with our actions and how we are dealing with it. We are taking advice where appropriate. We have been commended on it actually from a couple of professional sources, so forgive me if I focus on these people rather than posters who don’t know us or any of our circumstances .

someone up thread said that all an individual’s circumstances/issues should be taken into consideration rather than just the gender confusion and that is what we are doing. I completely agree that just looking at that in isolation would be the wrong thing to do and to your point, wouldn’t be following safeguarding principles. My child is complex for several reasons and we are ensuring that this is being taken into consideration and forms part of how this is being dealt with.

No-one has asked you to spend any money, you sound slightly unhinged - your local library will have a copy, or pop into a bookshop and look it up. The poster has given you the book title and author, now you expect to be be spoon fed the info?

I get fed up with people who think that other people on the internet owe them infinite hours of hour because they can't be arsed themselves.

What are talking about?

Have you never had a book recommended to you before?

Say thanks and move on.

I saying that people who demand someone transcribe huge passages from a book they can't be arsed to find for themselves are a pain in the arse and are reflective of entitled lazy attitudes.

What did you think I meant?!

Well, for example, I have a daughter who played a particular sport that splits into male and female categories in early adolescence. Even the top two or three girls in the country couldn't beat many of the top 30-50 boys. Having a female category meant they could compete fairly. It's not about pronouns.

Well, there is the return bus fair to the library. Or are buses free in other people's areas? Or £4 parking in nearest car park to the library.

Like I say, I was interested. I thought it was important, and before I passed the stat on I wanted to be able to include the source. But I won't bother passing it on.

Sorry, I was aiming my ire at the same person you did, the one complaining about not being able to read a book that someone recommended

My children are part of a sport that had open discussions and had a really open consultation about it. Because, yes, I agree, it's about more than pronouns. But that is what I was responding about. I found it very upsetting and stressful to be singled out and treated differently basically due to my pronouns.

For what reason were you singled out for your pronouns?

For a start, neither of you know anything about me .

I didn't ask for anyone to transcribe huge passages. I asked for ONE source. Which is a huge difference. A source which wouldn't even be one sentence let alone a passage.

You're all hilarious. And two steps away from accessing me of being a child abuser for asking for a source 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

As I said. I have friends who work in the area, and I thought it would be a really important statistic for them. I wanted to find out more about it and learn. But I'm starting to think it's been completely made up by this refusal to tell me the source. That's the only reasonable explanation to me.