Friendship group split unexpectedly wwyd?

[Summerdays24]

I have name changed for this, for obvious reasons.

I have a group of 8 friends, we have been good friends for 13 years or so since the kids were born.

Last week it was friend A birthday dinner. I have had surgery in the last few weeks and I am still feeling fragile, we have also just had news my husband has a rare but serious, life limiting disease I am not feeling my best. My friends know this.

On the evening of the birthday, drinks are planned, dinner to follow. I text to say I can’t make the drinks as dh is running late back from the office ( train cancelled) but I will be in time for dinner.

I arrive for dinner. The atmosphere is terrible, I give friend A my birthday gift. She then says how disappointed and angry she is that I let her down for the drinks. I am blindsided by this, she looks angry. Second friend chips in that she managed to make it on time and she has 4 kids. Another friend agreed with them and said it was poor form on birthday events. I apologised and said it couldn’t be helped. I started to cry I am embarrassed to say. Another friend tells the others to back off a bit, that it’s fair enough summer days is going through a difficult time, to that another friend then says words to the effect that I should be more organised. The group then seemed to split in two. One half were having a go at me, the other standing up for me.

I felt sick to my stomach and somehow for through the dinner and cried all of the way home.

wwyd in this situation?

It felt like I was being ganged up on at the time, it was genuinely horrible. I felt they had discussed it before I got there, like it was pre planned or something.

Do you think it’s ever okay to take it in turns as part of a group having a go at one person? I am just so upset still. Just for the record I am very reliable and not a flake at all. I don’t know if I ever want to see them again.

What a disgraceful post.

I can't believe anyone would be so self-centered about their own birthday. It's just a birthday for goodness sake; it's not like you rolled in halfway through her wedding ceremony and ruined it. I'd be delighted that you still wanted to come to my birthday dinner at all in the midst of a general tough time, plus train issues on the day. She should have welcomed you, given you a big hug and told you not to worry about being late.

Eveyone is right about finding out who are your real friends. It doesn't stop the feeling of regection hurting badly though. Perhaps worth remembering it's often not as personal a rejection as it feels - when people are being very self-centred it is literally because they are thinking exclusively about themselves and their own feelings. The queen bee friend hasn't sat there and considered things from your perspective and then decided to stick the boot in. She hasn't considered from your perspective at all, just her own.

Are you hoping they are on MN?

💐

Also…..you say you have a 7yo, do the others have kids that age? If not maybe they feel they’re moving on, and don’t want to hang around with someone encumbered by a small child. It’s still not nice and they’re not good friends. At least you know that I guess.

Yes who needs crappy friends like those op. The ones going along with it are as bad. Hope u ok. I meet one to one now just find its zero drama and works well.

You’re well rid to be honest. They sound like a gang of mean girls who still haven’t left the gates of High School. Also what was that all about with them all piping in. Can the Birthday Princess not argue by herself. I fuckin hate that ganging up on one. One good thing op if you ruined her Birthday by being late at least you know you must be amazing company.🤣

Fu*k them. So glad you sent that message. Look after yourself and your family OP. These people r not worth your time or efforts.

It felt like I was being ganged up on at the time, it was genuinely horrible.

It felt horrible because they were horrible.

Do they know you're still feeling wobbly after surgery & that your DH has a life-limiting illness? Those are big things - especially your DH's ill-health. THat's really big. Friends would cut you slack.

Although ... when did you text to say you weren't going to make drinks? If it was at the very last minute, maybe that was a bit thoughtless, but really it's minor.

They are horrible @Summerdays24 . Have a big hug.

birthday bitch and co have outed themselves as utter monsters. Think of it like that - a clean out of nasty bitches from your life.

Are you often late reading OP’s comments? 😊

These people sound horrible. It's incredibly immature to be miffed that someone turns up a bit later to a birthday thing, it's supposed to be a fun night out with friends, isn't it? If I was the birthday girl I'd just be glad that my friend was able to make it, especially given your current circs. Pathetic. Hope everything works out for you and yours xx

Even without your/husband’s illnesses, you would only be unreasonable if you had pushed the train off track, just to spite her.

It's not your fault her husband fell short, but you’re the weaker link, so she figured you’d bear the brunt of it.

As for the others… Well, I completely ignore sheep types.

Well done for sticking up for yourself with that message and enjoy yourself with those who actually care for you 💐.

with any luck they are and will recognise themselves.

I agree.

You’ve definitely done the right thing

they sound awful. I couldn’t be friends with them after this. Hope you re ok xxx

On my last birthday, of 3 of my closest friends, one had just had her first round of IVF fail, and another had serious issues with her son at home and just weren't feeling up to anything so I went out and had cocktails with one of my friends. And it was lovely. Your friend sounds like a dick and I'd pull her on her behaviour and in the absence of a profound apology, I'd end the friendship to be honest. You've had a hard enough time without this nonsense.

Ditch the lot of them. What a nasty bunch of lowlifes. You’re better than them.

Personally I much prefer having a couple of close friends who are more like sisters than be involved in those large friendship groups which are often superficial. You will get over this op. I hope your DH recovers soon.

This thread is so sad. Awful to be let down by a friendship group at any time, but particularly under circumstances when you ought to have been able to lean on your friends more than usual. Imagine continuing to have a go when your friend is crying at the dinner table next to you. Wtf is wrong with people? I think your WA message was excellent but I'm disappointed for you that it didn't elicit more contrition, particularly from the bystanders in a way, because queen bee and her satellites have shown their true colours, whereas this was an opportunity for the others to pick a team and tbh I think they picked badly. So sorry also for your DH's bad news.

^ This is what came on here to say. I’ve seen it happen in real life to someone at work. She had a really close friendship with several colleagues. Then she lost her husband and they completely turned on her and bullied her. It was awful. The whole team apart from 2 of us bullied this poor woman.

‘Friends’ that do this aren’t really real friends at all. They are ‘fair weather friends’. There for the good times but not for the bad. They only care about themselves. I also witnessed it with a colleague who was dumped by her husband after she had a diagnosis of cancer.

These stupid women need to remember that this could happen to any of them.

Hopefully they are. It might make them realise how rediculous they are being. I hope they look back on this and feel thoroughly ashamed.

You see, on the one hand I find it difficult to believe that any 'friends' could treat the OP like this knowing what she is dealing with; then I read posts like this (the callousness of which takes my breath away) and realise it is only too believable.

You directly quote from the OP the major personal distress she is going through and then go on to suggest she may be 'milking it all' and be 'a bit of a drama llama'.

This poster would no doubt be proud to know that the obnoxious of her post seeps out of my screen when I read it.

I would have got up and walked out.