What's your cautionary tale?

[BrightInMyNorthernSky]

Having just got through the most stressful week ever due to a nightmare situation of my own making, I thought I would share a previous and current cautionary tale.

1. Always remember to change the address on your V5 and not just your license. I didn't. DH got caught speeding twice on the same day on the same stretch of road (33 in a 30) in my car. Both fines went to old address. Didn't answer them, obvs. The whole sorry mess played out without me being aware and by the time it all caught up with me it was had been banned from driving for six months and fined £2k - five months earlier! So had been driving while banned for five months!!!

Even more importantly make sure you pack the tent poles....once drove 2.5 hours to a site only to find we had a huge bag of camvas with nothing to hold it up.

Yup- it's tempting to write emails when angry but I always think about how it would sound if it was read out in court. Keeps you polite but still assertive

However anxious you are about your pregnancy, however much you want to protect your heart after previous losses,

DO NOT ignore the things you need to do in the first trimester or so to maximise your mat pay, like stop salary sacrifice for pension contributions.

I think I did myself out of £20k.

Also,
wear sunscreen
look after your eyes
Get into a yoga habit while it's still easy

It’s not it’s sensible. We had a fourth date in Kew Gardens and jokingly broadly had the above conversation to ensure we were both on the same page. Yeah people might change their minds but they usually won’t. No point getting in deeper if he wants to go and live in Australia and you don’t or if doesn’t want kids.

I will add, do not get in to a relationship with a man who’s only recently out of a long term relationship or marriage. You’ll be a nice distraction for a while, you’ll have shored up their ego and they will be high on the attention from a new woman. It won’t be long until they get bored of it and it won’t be enough any more and it will become blinding apparent that they aren’t in the right place for a serious relationship

Divorce is an industry. You can spend as much or as little as you want, the end result is pretty much the same so don’t overspend on the legal fees. If you don’t have a couple of really good friends and family, get yourself a therapist instead of speaking to your lawyer. It’s cheaper and much more helpful.

If you can coparent, really that is best for the children. Ideally every decision you both make while going through the divorce and afterwards is ‘What is best for the children?’

The reality is most of the time the marriage broke down because one parent was a nightmare. They are still going to be a nightmare afterwards so think carefully if your children are too young to look after themselves. I waited until my youngest was 6.

Mine would be quite simple and obvious but not obvious to me at the time: if something feels off or uncomfortable in the relationship early on, leave. If you feel like its hard work, you are sometimes hurt, sometimes unhappy - leave, even if sometimes its amazing! If only I knew it when I was in my 20s-30s.

Learn to say no to anything you don’t want to do, cost benefit analysis scenarios and do what’s right for you.

Never lend money to anyone and never discuss your finances with anyone. We paid our mortgage off in our mid thirties, no one knows but us.

Wear a hat in the sun.

Never take the advice or opinions on mumsnet seriously.

What do you mean by that?
I never had 4 living grandparents as one of them was killed at WWII. Am I allowed to work?

and never mistake a can of spray tan for hairspray, it was certainly an experience!

My dh was still living with his wife when we met, separated and in the spare room to be fair. But not divorced. Still together 20 years later. They were together 15 years.

red flags all over the place and if someone posted on here id have said run! But it’s worked well….

Oh my goodness I was just about to write this!

NEVER get with a man who has very recently separated, or in my case still living with his wife while sharing the same bed (they had been separated 6 months apparently….) men like to be in relationships without doing any healing between, you’ll end up in a very damaging relationship as they’ve never processed their split and don’t know who they are as never been on their own.

Haha yes, it was supposed to be the other way around. That’s menopause brain for you!

I absolutely agree with this, too many people prioritise 'love' & sexual attraction before the actual deal breakers. Just like you interview and review a candidate during probation the same should be done to a potential life partner. To the list above I would add the following criteria:

Substance abuse and addiction
Unpleasant personality traits - these won't go away and you can't change them. If the unpleasantness is there at the start then they'll be present throughout.
Career
Life Aspirations
Financial stability

You’re supposed to do this and then remove the layer of fat off the top!

Don't assume your insurance will auto-renew; friend wrote off his car to discover he wasn't insured and so had no car but still had to pay the HP for 3 years.

My rule for my teens and social media has always been don't post something you wouldn't be happy your head master read out in a full school assembly.

Don't marry an arsehole expecting he will change. If he's a selfish arse he will remain so and will always be a shit husband and father.

Took the words right out of my mouth @BurnoutGP

Please explain

RDMPrules Today 07:39

Even more importantly make sure you pack the tent poles....once drove 2.5 hours to a site only to find we had a huge bag of camvas with nothing to hold it up.

That happened to us last year. I had to drive 25 miles to buy an entirely unnecessary tent. Nephew and niece had borrowed it previously and apparently didn't think that it was important to put the poles in the bag.

Nor indeed, with the bloody thing!

Read the thread its been explained several times

This is so true, I've seen OW second wives left at just the same stage as the cheater left the first wife, typically with teenage children. And the second wife is always so shocked though she really should have expected it.
They often leave for very similar looking wives too, the same age as the other(s) were when they married. One serial cheater we knew showed us the pictures of his three wives, they could have been sisters and the second two were much younger than him.

OMG @Vroomfondleswaistcoat my idea of hell!

Take your doctors advice as just that - advice. Do your own research. I had three surgeons advise I get a certain procedure. Turns out it was experimental and seven years later I am still suffering the results.

Yes I am suing the NHS.

The amount of people who don’t get the 4 grandparents comment fuck me