What's your cautionary tale?

[BrightInMyNorthernSky]

Having just got through the most stressful week ever due to a nightmare situation of my own making, I thought I would share a previous and current cautionary tale.

1. Always remember to change the address on your V5 and not just your license. I didn't. DH got caught speeding twice on the same day on the same stretch of road (33 in a 30) in my car. Both fines went to old address. Didn't answer them, obvs. The whole sorry mess played out without me being aware and by the time it all caught up with me it was had been banned from driving for six months and fined £2k - five months earlier! So had been driving while banned for five months!!!

Treat marriage like a business merger. Decide in advance-

1. which house you will live and and which house you will sell
2. Whether the addition of a cat is acceptable to the non-cat person
3. Agree on number of kids you will try for
4. agree on what religion (or not) your children will be raised in
5. agree on rough Christmas holiday split
6. decide on stay home parent or two working parents
7. decide on a retirement savings plan

How our friends laughed. We were the excel spreadsheet romance. Well, GUESS WHO IS STILL HAPPILY MARRIED 20 YEARS LATER AND WHO HAD DIVORCED.

How about, Don't confuse peroxide contact lens cleaner for saline lens cleaner - again. 😱

4 living grandparents =4 potential “funerals”…it’s tongue in cheek to have time off which you’re not likely to be questioned about….not sure I’d get away with it in my 50s though😂

A good deed never goes unpunished. I have now stopped helping people or doing things to help out. Especially at work

To be fair, I've left a few jobs before my notice period was up. Once by accident and once because the place was horrid and they deserved it. Both times they just shrugged and said nothing we can do. The second palace, during a mass exodus, someone very senior did the same and they were threatened but nothing came of it.

Unless you're certain of something, keep your mouth shut.

Make a decision and then stick to it. Over analysis leads to paralysis.

Do not tell anyone anything that is private and you wouldn’t mind the whole world knowing.
Things that are a secret to you are not to other people and they always tell someone else.

By really careful to check your tax position when going from contractor to full time employee. DH assumed payroll would allocate the correct paye tax code on production of a p60 but instead he was put on an BR code and we didn’t notice. We had a nasty surprise when we did his first tax return as an employee and discovered he had under paid tax by several thousand pounds. Lesson learnt - the onus is on you to make sure you are on right tax code.

Indeed- I think this is so good. Too many people go into marriage and think they'll worry about this later and then it causes huge problems

Yep, did that twice in the space of a few minutes 🙄😄! Thought ‘ouch, that is stinging a bit, let’s rinse it off WITH MORE PEROXIDE CLEANER!’! Doh. We had just arrived on holiday in Spain, and I ended up having to wear my glasses for the rest of the week. I was very careful after that incident.

If every fibre of your being is screaming that he has lost interest, then he has lost interest. No amount of him saying that’s not the case changes that.
Actions speak louder than words.

When someone tells you they’ve been in prison for GBH, run for the hills….

This is also a good one. Whenever you speak to ANYONE no matter how much you think you can trust them, always imagine them telling someone else about it.

Oh, god, that's awful! I did it on separate occasions when very, very tired. You'd think the red cap would've alerted me to danger. FFS 🤬😭

Don't presume that the Social services always have your best interests in mind. They have budgets and will only give you as much as they can get away with and once they're involved they will always be looking over your shoulder. Looking after my DM with dementia was bloody hard and they actually made it harder.

When you soak a tissue in Olbas Oil to help with your bunged-up nose ... don't then use said tissue as emergency loo roll

Do you mind me asking what the inherited traits are @LetTheCardsFallWhereTheyMay ? I’m very interested in that sort of thing.

Be careful of tribes. You feel terrible when they oust you

Think about it!

Don't presume because the whole year has been wet, cold and windy, the day you are spending supervising childrens canoeing will be wet, cold and windy.

Really could have done with suncream.

😂

So smug. Whilst I agree it’s important to discuss these issues, people are allowed to change their minds. You can’t hold someone to decisions made without the added value of experience and hindsight. And that’s before life shit happens like children with disabilities, any kind of life-changing diagnosis, accidents etc.

Always check you have packed sleeping bags when you go camping. No matter how packed your car is with other bits and bobs. It gets very cold at night even in the summer!

@HamptonWishList

This is nonsense if you have children or are the financially weaker party. It should say 'Never get married if you have no children, no intention to have children and have considerably more financial assets than your partner'.

Youre right.

But it’s astonishing how many people who post on Mumsnet assume getting married is the panacea to most financial and relationship issues women have.

I actually was going to post “Don’t get married” as my cautionary tale. I seriously regret my marriage: it cost me financially and emotionally. That’s ten years of life I will never get back.

The cautionary tale is really as you say: don’t get married unless you are planning to stop work for any length of time. Outside of that scenario its too financially risky.

I’m sorry you’re probably right but this is UNBELIEVABLY smug.

You can’t hold someone to decisions made without the added value of experience and hindsight

Of course you can. Kids are a great example- if you have both mutually decided no kids and one person then says after 10 years, I want a child now, thats going to be a huge shock to the other person and they need to have a think about whether thats going to work for them and if they want to stay in the relationship.
These things need discussing, thats not smug, its sensible.

Never write anything using work email that you wouldn’t be happy for HR to print off and read aloud to you.