Instrumental teacher refusing to teach my child

[MairSS]

I just cannot believe the email I’ve just received from my child’s instrumental teacher!
DS has been receiving instrumental lessons at school for a couple of terms. The music teacher is freelance and therefore parents pay fees directly to her.
We pay up front each half term. She invoices us. I had overpaid by one lesson last time, and she had not realised this. I therefore sent her a message telling her to check her account. She immediately did and apologised saying she had not realised and adjusted the invoice accordingly. I wrote another message saying that in fact I always pay on time and didn’t appreciate getting messages saying I hadn’t paid when I had.
She then said on reflection it may be better if I found an alternative teacher as she doesn’t tolerate rudeness and reattached her terms and conditions!
surely she can’t do this? How unprofessional! I’ll be making an appointment to see the headteacher on Monday!

Wow! What an asshole (you, OP, not the teacher). Bet she’ll be pouring a large gin on Tuesday night and toasting having seen the back of you.

Op you are the perfection definition of a 'piece of work'!

I pity your child who sadly will be influenced by your appalling lack of manners, lack of grace, humility and charm and your nasty, bad attitude.

Think of the atrocious example you are setting for your child by a behaving so crassly.

This teacher is brilliant. She’s certainly taught you a valuable lesson!

Too early to nominate this for classics for the sheer level of entitlement of the OP and their lack of self awareness?

Why would you set your child up for humiliation like that? What's wrong with you?

This is nothing like the thread from last year, where if I remember correctly the mum had simply asked a few probing questions about DBS and safeguarding etc and the teacher became prickly. It was all sorted out via an accidental meeting in Boots, I think. The mum apologised profusely and the teacher acknowledged that she had actually been quite reasonable to ask the questions. Hopefully the DC is having violin lessons with her to this day!

The only way that you can sort this out is to go to the school on Tuesday, wait until she arrives (which might not be the start of the school day) and apologise profusely to her, face-to-face. Ideally taking some kind of thoughtful gift too. Acknowledge your overreaction and that your follow up message was completely unnecessary.

Top tip: always remember who holds the power in any financial arrangement. If the streets in your local area are roamed by gangs of unemployed violin teachers, setting up music stands by the roadside and busking for work, then you might be able to compel her to continue, but I suspect that's not the case.
Treat her as respectfully as any other professional (architect, surgeon, solicitor) whom you might engage to work on your home, your health or your personal affairs.

You need to eat very humble pie here if you want the lessons to continue.

Apologising is your only chance (a vanishingly slim chance, at that) of getting this teacher to carry on teaching your child, @MairSS.

“Dear Violin teacher,

I apologise wholeheartedly for my rudeness in my previous messages. Thank you for agreeing to give my son his lesson on Tuesday - I appreciate it. Please will you reconsider your decision to refuse to teach him going forward.

Many thanks,
@MairSS.”

Even with a fulsome apology like this, I don’t like your chances, but if you don’t apologise properly, I am 100% sure your son will get no more lessons from this teacher.

A second vote for inclusion in the classics, a great example of "don't back down, double down"

OP you really do come across as very unpleasant. I think the teacher is lucky you showed your nastiness early on. Sounds like she has had a lucky escape.

If I were the teacher, I’d take back the violin on Tuesday and leave the refund in an envelope at reception. Then I’d block you OP and consider that our tuition arrangement was at an end.

If she gives your child his lesson, I hope she takes the violin afterwards and blocks you anyway.

Your second email was totally unnecessary and a trifle rude. Personally I don't blame her in the slightest.

' I thought it was also beneficial to the teacher as she would have had extra money in her account.'

how fucking patronising !

how much is a shared lesson at school ?
seeing as how private ones are 3 x times the price

£10 ? £20 ? £50 ?

' I will send DS in on Tuesday with his violin for his lesson '

HER violin !!!

HER violin which SHE has lent

I wouldn't want to teach your child either

I strongly suspect OP is the type to argue that she’s keeping the violin in lieu of the refund that she is preventing being issued.

This is hilarious. You seem to think the service provider is just going to smile through and accept your rudeness. You've now learnt that she holds the power due to the fact she is a cheaper and more convenient option. It's even more funny that you aren't at all humbled by this and therefore no one feels sorry for you. You need to apologise and be a better person.

You do realise the more you don’t accept this is over and continue to behave like this the more and more likely that she won’t change her mind and continue to teach your child (not that I think she should.)

You want your son to keep on being taught by her, then you need to go to the school Tuesday and grovel like you’ve clearly never grovelled before and you may get lucky.

Also if you do not return the violin as requested then be aware she may take legal action against you… I’d be checking over those T&Cs she resent or you’ll end up looking even more of an idiot!

Good for her. Please, please complain to the head so that they know all about it. The staff room will be a happy place with everyone knowing you’ve been well and truly put in your place.
p.s nothing to do with head but they’ll be pumping their fist.

Your arrogance is breathtaking. Even now you don’t realise how lucky you were to have her as your child’s violin teacher and how badly you have treated her. As you haven’t backed down or listened to any of the comments here, I can only assume this is your typical approach to other people. A radical rethink is needed on your part: we’re not all out of step apart from you.

I think this is the other violin thread

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5018805-aibu-violin-teacher-dumped-us-on-the-first-lesson

Good music teachers are like hens teeth and can pick their clientele. Z she's decided that life's too short to be dealing with the likes of you and is going to give your spot to someone else. You have zero change of getting her to change her mind.

Have you actually paid for this upcoming term though? Before she emailed?

She made ONE tiny mistake which she fixed

And she doesn't HAVE to teach anyone if she's freelance.

I wouldn't have anything to do with your family either

Are you this unpleasant to everyone or just people that you pay for a 'service'?

Your attitude is going to be the reason your child misses out on a lot more than violin lessons in the future I fear.

You’re THAT parent and by extension your child will become THAT child and people will steer clear. I feel sorry for both of you (but in very different ways).