Instrumental teacher refusing to teach my child

[MairSS]

I just cannot believe the email I’ve just received from my child’s instrumental teacher!
DS has been receiving instrumental lessons at school for a couple of terms. The music teacher is freelance and therefore parents pay fees directly to her.
We pay up front each half term. She invoices us. I had overpaid by one lesson last time, and she had not realised this. I therefore sent her a message telling her to check her account. She immediately did and apologised saying she had not realised and adjusted the invoice accordingly. I wrote another message saying that in fact I always pay on time and didn’t appreciate getting messages saying I hadn’t paid when I had.
She then said on reflection it may be better if I found an alternative teacher as she doesn’t tolerate rudeness and reattached her terms and conditions!
surely she can’t do this? How unprofessional! I’ll be making an appointment to see the headteacher on Monday!

Can you see how this is ALL about you and your kid? You aren't engaging with what you have done to her? You've behaved in a completely inappropriate way and done nothing to acknowledge or rectify that. Why should SHE put up with that?

Me. I wouldn't.

You have behaved terribly OP and you are still doing it. You have literally said - I pay her….. Does that mean she is your servant?

I think you urgently need therapy and to look really hard at yourself in the mirror.

Also please please think before you speak to your child, blowing up at a perfect stranger like this is a sign of serious mental and emotional immaturity.

I haven’t apologised no, I had paid for an additional lesson to make my bill reduced for this block of lessons after half term. I thought it was also beneficial to the teacher as she would have had extra money in her account. I assume that people regularly check their bank account and can see what money is going in and out!

If you haven't apologised I imagine this lesson will be his last one.

If you haven't apologised, your kid will be back home on Tuesday after the lesson with no violin. And rightly so.

And you can explain why that is.

In fact if I were her even if you did apologise at this point I wouldn't want you as a customer now.

😂I am so sad for coming back to this thread.

You needed to apologise for your rude batshittery.

She's already apologised for her mistake. You had one chance to make it right for the sake of your son, and you've blown it. Too late now. Poor kid.

I wouldn’t make assumptions on behalf of the teacher, either about her financial status or how she manages her business finances. She probably assumed you were a reasonable, polite person until you proved otherwise. I think you have some cheek not to apologise when everyone here has pointed out your bad behaviour, do you not know how to say sorry?

Your attitude is going to be the reason your child has no violin lessons.

sometimes in life even if you believe you are right you need to suck it up and be the bigger person. You need her a lot more than she needs you!

your choice is simple - send an apology or explain to your son how your pettiness means he can’t do violin anymore.

OP . . . have you never made an honest mistake?

That's what your son's violin teacher made and she apologised when she realised her error

You, however, decided to rub her nose in it and, not surprisingly, she has withdrawn her services rather than carry on dealing with you

The kind and gracious (and NORMAL) thing to have done would have been to say "No problem" when she realised her error

Your behaviour since then, refusing to share your bank details so she can refund you, just re-enforces her opinion of you as an extremely difficult parent. I don't think you have a chance of getting her to change her mind . . . .

This sounds remarkably similar in attitude to the violin teacher not wanting to teach a child a few months back and maybe the teacher is regretting their original decision

So you deliberately overpaid without asking or telling her and then blamed her for not noticing? Then you rudely told her off after she apologised ?

you need to apologise for your rudeness or it’s your child who will lose out.

There you go again. You come across as extremely rude.

Well in that case you need to sort out YOUR attitude.

Music teachers are not slaves. You don’t get to click your fingers and demand things because you’ve paid for them.

Your child is missing out because you behaved like an arse.

OP, what are you going to do when your son returns on Tuesday without the violin?

I’m imagining the amount of cringing the OP’s son is going to have to do throughout his school life as his mother throws her weight around at all and sundry.

So you deliberately paid over what she was expecting to make your life easier? You clearly didn't think about any impact on her life or accounting though did you? The easiest and clearest way is to pay the correct invoice with the correct amount at the correct time which you did not do. I'd not be wanting anything more to do with an inconsiderate and rude customer either.

Your poor child.

So you purposely paid incorrectly and them were snotty with her for not noticing? You do understand that that is even worse, right? I wouldn't deal with you either if I was her.

If this had been the other way round and the violin teacher had picked YOU up on making an error, how would you have felt?

Oh, let me guess, YOU would never make an error, would you?

I’m reminded of the renowned piano teacher and founder of the Leeds Piano Competition, Fanny Waterman. When people asked her how she picked her pupils she said she didn’t - she picked the parents!

Also, to refuse to return the violin when requested would constitute theft.

I predict your kid is coming home Tuesday without a violin and probably in tears since you've set him up to have a horrible experience.

You're rude, and probably condescending and unpleasant and I can absolutely see why she does not want to work for you any further.

So regardless of what you want or would prefer or what is convenient, she is under no obligation to teach your child. Not even if you stamp your foot!

The lesson your child will have on Tuesday will be more navigating the aftermath of your behaviour. Your persistent attitude will inevitably be a topic of the staff room and these people have to interact with your child (hopefully they’ll be decent towards him and not take out their response to you on him).

Please reflect on the replies here and try learn some humility for your son’s sake. No one wants to be “that mum” that everyone just rolls their eyes at as they steamroll their child’s life and relationships.

@MairSS

Good God, are you for real?

She made a simple mistake, immediately apologised & rectified. She's a human being!

You were unecessarily rude & confrontational towards her & then outraged when she called you on it. Do you really expect the Headteacher to get involved? They'll have a million other things to be concerned about & will not give 2 shiny shits about your non existent beef with a freelance teacher!!