MIL thinks having c-section isn’t “giving birth”

[Newmum288]

Which offends me! I had a c-section. My daughter was born. She still has a birthday. If I didn’t birth her, how the heck is she here?!

YABU - a c-section isn’t “giving birth”
YANBU - a c-section is still “giving birth”

Ignore her. Having a c-section is delivering a baby safely.

I’ve done both… it definitely is giving birth.

Tell her to do one - and ignore her.

She's rude - get your DP to have a word

Your MIL is crazy - all she should be concerned about is the well-being of you and your daughter. All I wanted for my daughter was that she and the baby were both OK - I said to her before the baby was born that it doesn’t matter how he arrives as long as you’re both Ok and you’re just as much of a mother however your son arrives into the world. She didn’t have a Caesarian but she did have an epidural - would the OP’s MIL regard that as “cheating”? I really can’t believe some women.

It's just the wording.

If I had a c-section I would say I 'had a baby' rather than I 'gave birth to a baby'.

But it really makes no difference in the grand scheme of things.

You know the answer to your question. Just ignore the silly moo.

Really?!
I've had two babies. Vaginally. I would never say "I've given birth". That sounds weird.

She’s being an entitled cow… I would have big problems with someone saying this, my DD was born by emergency c section if I hadn’t had a c section then and there she might now have survived… call her out everytime

Of course it’s giving birth. The definition of birth is just a baby coming out of their mother. It doesn’t matter how. Ignore her she’s being ridiculous.

I've only had a c-section, and in my mind I had surgery instead of giving birth.

If it really bothers you, is it because you feel judged or like you failed in some way? I'd explain it to you MIL and request her to simply drop the topic entirely.

I agree that I wouldn't get in discussion with her. I see a C section as surgery and most of the time women don't get the post op care that they need. There's a difference in a planned section and an emergency one, after a woman has laboured for a while etc. But it's really important that we (women) don't set our selves up in competition.

Tell MIL to keep her opinions to herself! You physically had your body cut open to birth your child - you have definitely “given birth” 👍🏻

I’ve had one vaginal birth and I’ve had abdominal surgery for another reason and I can assure you, I would not be rushing back into the abdominal surgery! C-section mums don’t get enough credit as it is IMO without people like your MIL harping on like that 🙄

‘Give birth’ is quite an old fashioned phrase, but I agree with your mil to an extent. In my head ‘giving birth’ means all the biological processes that occur to ‘birth’ a baby from its mother’s body. A c-section is a major surgical intervention which results in a baby being safely brought out of its mother’s body, and quite a different process.

But both (hopefully) resulting in a baby being safely brought into the world. Of course babies born by c-section have a birthday! It’s just that it’s a word / phrase that predates the more widespread availability of c-sections and other interventions.

I think your MIL is using her words poorly. If she is trying to say that you haven't experienced the full gamut of (horrible) vaginal birth, then she's right. If she's trying to minimise the fact that your body has been through the wringer to produce her grandchild, then she is wrong.

I do also think c section timing plays a role here. Elective c section from a standing start = no labour pains; emergency c section halfway through labour = loads of labour pains thank you very much!

In what context is your MIL commenting? Because regardless of terminology it's rude to correct what you want to name your experience of having a baby.

If she feels judged it's because she is being judged tbf! I wouldn't appreciate that at all tbh. I've not had a c sec but from what I've heard from close friends and family, they are not a walk in the park by any stretch. It's nobody else's bloody business to be commenting like that anyway.

It’s an interesting one (I’ve had a vaginal birth and a planned CS, for context).

I think that anyone who considers a CS not giving birth does so on two grounds:

1. In a CS, the woman is ‘passive’ ie it’s just happening to her; and
2. In a CS, the woman isn’t required to put in as much ‘work’.

The first one is easily discounted because in a “natural” birth which goes to plan, actually the woman is quite ‘passive’ as well, because the birth experience is something that happens to her rather than something she’s actively doing. Try to tell a birthing woman to stop the baby coming out of her vagina and see whether or not she’s controlling it or merely a passenger in her birth too 😁

Secondly the amount of ‘work’. I know people who’ve gone through much more work/hardship/sacrifice for a CS than a vaginal birth. Thinking of friends who’ve had GD, spent 5 months on a restricted diet, had breech/transverse babies that they’ve attempted to spin, failed inductions, etc… compared to a couple of friends who have had what they describe themselves as ‘sneeze births’. Not to mention the recovery (recovery from my first, 24 hours of active labour, failed epidural and episiotomy, was broadly comparable to my second, a very calm ELCS). Also, there’s something very misogynistic about awarding the term giving birth as a measure of the pain you’ve been through.

So after a lot of thought I think you’re NBU and your MIL is being silly. I’d love her to explain her thinking though.

YANBU op. Can’t believe some of the idiotic CFs on this thread.

If you look up ‘giving birth’, it just means to produce/create a baby from your body. It doesn’t mention the method. It just means your body grew a baby and it was born. The baby via c section is also ‘born’ isn’t it. So of course you gave birth to it. I’ve had 2 c sections, once emergency, and one planned due to being transverse and very stuck.

Cool, that means when it's DDs birthday you don't have to invite MIL, because surely in her mind the child doesn't have a birthday if you haven't given birth to her.

If it's something she refers to frequently then shut her down "MIL, your poor choice of words makes it sound like you're trying to minimize my birth experience. Let's be clear, a C-section is not a cop out. It's major abdominal surgery that gave my DD a safe entrance into this world. It's really irrelevant how DD was delivered from my body."

When I had my c sections I felt like walking around with a big red F for Failure on my forehead because that's how I was feeling.
Because of such negative associations with it from some of the childbirthing community.
In fact, c sections were barely touched on in my antenatal sessions like it was some dirty little secret.
It pisses me off a lot that I gave myself such a hard time about it, when my post birth hormones left me very fragile anyway.
Now I am very grateful for having live and healthy babies and people like her should be told to stfu.

It's just a form of words. Ignore. Don't sweat the small stuff.

I got very depressed when I first had my C-section because I felt like I had failed. It really impacted the first few weeks of time with my baby as I felt like I didn’t deserve him/he didn’t belong to me as I didn’t see him being born as such. It really affected me that I hadn’t been the first one to hold my son and my expectation about the birth experience was so far from reality.

However I had to have a C-section due to IUGR and my baby would have been at risk if he was born ‘naturally’. Your MIL needs to be careful at the language she’s using as I think this can be a very emotive topic.

Out the two I'd choose vaginal birth, I don't know how you c section ladies cope with the recovery it's major surgery 🙈 she knows nothing op

Direct your mil to the dictionary definition.
A child has exited your body.
They may have used the emergency exit but it’s still valid and more importantly safe.