MIL thinks having c-section isn’t “giving birth”

[Newmum288]

Which offends me! I had a c-section. My daughter was born. She still has a birthday. If I didn’t birth her, how the heck is she here?!

YABU - a c-section isn’t “giving birth”
YANBU - a c-section is still “giving birth”

YANBU**

exactly this

It’s not labouring but it’s definitely giving birth/being born. (I’ve done both and one of my elcs was certainly not straight forward)

The surgeons surgically removed them while I lay there. I never said they weren't born, I just don't feel like I was part of the process other than consenting to it. For one of the sections I had been in labour for a very long time, but by that stage I was totally spent. I don't have any negative feelings about it by the way. It's just the way it is. The babies were born, but I wasn't really a part of the process. After my vaginal birth I definitely had a sense of 'I gave birth'. At the end of the day, I've now got 3 healthy, living children and I don't care about how they got out of my body.

I'm happy with those definitions for my own births, but just because I feel like that, I wouldn't then tell a c section mum that she didn't give birth.

This is depressing and yet another way of judging women. You carried that baby for 9 months - what the hell does it matter how the hell they got into the world? All that matters is that the baby and mother are safe and well.

Why is it always women judging other women over feeding., sleeping, behaviour? Congratulations on giving birth to your baby.

This is a bit sad, you went through major surgery to ensure they were born. You gave them birth! It's semantics, and you have your lovely kids etc, but (imo) you sure as hell did give birth.

That’s an interesting point, as being unconscious, you must have been detached from the whole process. But while you didn’t feel you’d given birth, as you were presented with a ready made baby, you actually still did.

I knew someone who was giving a general anaesthetic with a view to her having a C-section, but her baby was then delivered vaginally. Which adds a new dimension to this thread.

My c-section after 30 hours of laboring non-stop was a much harder child birth than the two vaginal births I've had. But it was a way out to deliver the child safe and for me to stay alive (preeclampsia).

People shuld mind their own business.

I don’t think she’s necessarily wrong to see the term as referring to a particular biological process (see also, Shakespeare)- you could argue it either way. We often use terms in broader or narrower ways depending on context.

But to choose that as her hill to die on in the context of the births of her grandchildren is really unkind.

I would lose it over that and to her face. My baby was stuck absolutely fast (face presentation) and took some tugging to free, she was born with a black eye too.

It was a back to back labour so extremely painful beforehand.
I dread to think what would have happened to us if there hadn't been an intervention after 24 hours.
How dare she play top trumps over giving birth. I'd be very clear about my position on that, stupid ignorant woman. She'd be in absolutely no doubt about how I felt about her stupid ignorant comments. You don't forget stuff like that very easily, and it has such a big effect that lasts for many years.

Giving birth means the baby is coming out of your body. Doesn't matter how.

So when said child has to fill in their date of birth on a form, they should cross that out and write surgical removal instead?

You can’t argue with stupid.

Honestly I’d just laugh if she says it again and walk off. She’s just stupid.

Youre very kind but please don't feel sad for me!

The labour of my first child was utterly brutal and the EMCS was nothing but sweet relief. There is nothing sad about that! I was so exhausted and traunatised that i slept the whole way through the c section. They woke me to tell me it was a boy and I went straught back to sleep. It was bliss!!!!!! Nor was there anything sad about the lovely children who are now here because they were born by c section.

For my third child, I could choose c section or vbac and I went for c section for the precise reason that I wanted my physical participation to be as minimised as possible, and I'm very happy with the choice I made.

No sadness here at all, but I'll take any kind of childbirth medal thats going, thanks!

I never had children but this gives me the feckin' RAGE.

Whatever she thinks - what does she think she's doing, making judgemental comments like this? I often think MiLs get a hard time on here but this one? The OP's DH needs to tell her to STFU.

This actually highlights the stigma around C-Sections. Some of the comments on this thread show that it’s engrained that its not a ‘natural birth’

And it’s a particular issue amongst women.

It can really create feelings of shame and disappointment that the birth wasn’t ’natural’ and that the mother doesn’t get to experience that ‘magical’ moment of a vaginal birth.

The birth trauma sites are full of women who have had horrific vaginal births, a vaginal birth really doesn’t mean you will have that life changing, earth mother experience that catapults you in to true motherhood and earns you a badge of honour.

I’ve had both and I’d pick the C-section every time. Down below was an absolute mess after my vaginal birth and took nearly a year to recover and it’s still not the same.

But what is natural? Vaginal birth? No pain relief? Why as women do we look at other women and judge other women’s birthing experience? There is also a growing trend to avoid pain relief in birth? Why? would this be expected of men? I really doubt it!

I've had a section and would say it is giving birth. Giving birth in my mind is not just the act of labouring and pushing out a baby. You made your baby with your partner and grown them inside you. Whether it was elective or emergency, a choice or not, your baby was born, therefore has been given birth, and for lack of a better word, you were the vessel! Therefore, you have given birth.

Does she think it isn't giving birth if they're pulled out by ventouse or forceps as well? Or pulled out if their shoulder gets stuck? Does the term "giving birth" rely on it being a completely unassisted vaginal birth? Because if so, a large portion of women with babies haven't given birth, but their babies were born and have birthdays. Weird that.

Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude at all. I'm just surprised by the 'gave birth' thing in general on thread. Obviously just something I was unaware of. Learn something new every day I suppose 😄

Although to add, I did labour and push, but it was suddenly realised my baby was poorly and not coping, and I was deteriorating too. Is it giving birth if you do all of the painful part and then still have to have major surgery? This has triggered something in me 😂

How many times is she actually saying it though? If it was once I would ignore. If, for some peculiar reason, she keeps saying it I would give her a puzzled look "Yeah, you've said that already" or perhaps "well she' (the baby) is not still in there, is she?"

If you're feeling a bit snappish "for heavens sake, can you stop repeating yourself you daft mare" 😁

If it were me and she'd said it more than once I'd let her know she's upsetting and offending me and nullifying a traumatic experience and undermining you as your child's mother. Then tell her to fuck herself.

I bought a birth hypnosis set when I was Pg. It used to always send me to sleep without fail (and I was a poor sleeper). It wasn't worth a jot to me when I went into labour. It was induction in short order. They rather fucked me over with that but that's done now.

Why as women do we look at other women and judge other women’s birthing experience? There is also a growing trend to avoid pain relief in birth?

This is what I don't understand. Firstly, I don't give a crap how another woman gives birth, it makes no difference to me and makes me think no differently of them whatsoever.

Secondly, why are people so competitive over pain relief? Again, I really don't care what type of pain relief another woman had, just in the same way I don't care what pain relief they use for headaches or period cramps.

Is there some secret competition we don't know about? 😄

Bullshit. I was a labour for 2 days before my EMCS.