MIL thinks having c-section isn’t “giving birth”

[Newmum288]

Which offends me! I had a c-section. My daughter was born. She still has a birthday. If I didn’t birth her, how the heck is she here?!

YABU - a c-section isn’t “giving birth”
YANBU - a c-section is still “giving birth”

Why do you think you feel that way though? Obviously it's up to you however you want to label your child's birth, but you did actually give them birth iyswim? You birthed them. I find that very strange but as I say, not had a c section so happy to be corrected.

I’ve always thought of vaginal birth as giving birth, whereas with CS the baby is surgically removed from your uterus. There’s absolutely no judgement in it though.

Same here.

I don't think of my C-section as "giving birth". I had some pretty big surgery and they cut a baby out of me. I would never say I gave birth to my daughter. She was born or delivered.

I got to ten cm dilated and was pushing with my first c section, I absolutely feel that I gave birth, it took days and lots of work.

My planned cs I am pleased that I feel I absolutely did not have to give birth.

Op, you've done a marvellous and wonderful thing , creating a new human life for your mother in law to love. Don't engage with her over this any longer.

Isn't birth just the exit though? Like, it doesn't matter whether it was the lift or the fire escape as such?

Why do you care?

Well technically it's not a vaginal birth, no. It's a surgical procedure that bypasses much of the physical experience.

But a c sec isn't claiming to be a vag birth. It's just a different type of birth. I'm finding this difficult to wrap my head around tbh!

Interesting opinions on here…. I had an instrumental vaginal birth during which I was barely conscious. Does that mean I didn’t “give birth” either? I would have actually been more mentally present during a c-section. Or is the exit hole the one that defines “giving birth”?

I get why this is offensive, it's not something I'd say. But is it an old-fashioned thing? It's a plot point of Macbeth - Macduff can kill him because he wasn't 'born of woman' but taken from his mother's womb...? Either way, it's a stupid thing for your MIL to say.

It’s your DD’s birth! She was born! Who could possibly have given birth to her? One guess! It was you!

Why on earth does your MIL need to say this? What does she get out of it? If she says it again, ask who actually did give birth to her. There may have been a whole team involved in her birth but the only indispensable person there was you!

The semantics are interesting.

I had csections and wouldn’t describe them as “giving birth”. I’m not sure why because the first was an emCS after a prolonged failed induction so I had contractions galore and was fairly flattened by the whole process. But I wouldn’t normally dream of arguing the point with someone who would use the term for their section.

It sounds like your MIL is trying to make you feel lesser over this, which is fairly cunty really. In which case it’s still
technically semantics but also she’s a dick.

That's really interesting, I would still say gave birth if someone popped one out on their lunch break at work. To me it simply means 'had a baby'. I never thought there was a certain level of effort (or lack thereof) implied.

She’s stupid then… “giving birth“ isn’t the correct term, anyway - it’s “Childbirth” where you’re “being delivered of” a baby safely, and it doesn’t make any difference which method of delivery is used (except that you might need longer to recover from a c-section.
She does know that a c-section is the modern term for “a Caesarean section” right? AFAIK, Julius Caesar was delivered this way - hence the name for thousands of years. Either way, you’ve been delivered of a baby and have therefore experienced childbirth…

Does your MIL have form for trying to put you down or undermine you? Is it just another thing to try and use against you?

I’m not even sure why anyone would care how a baby gets out as long as it’s out safely. There’s plus and minus for vaginal vs c-section delivery. Neither are a walk in the park. Tbh I had a similar thing with my MIL being sniffy about women who have epidurals ( spoiler alert I had epidurals) Because they weren’t an option ‘in her day’. It was just (another) way to try and assert some superiority over me at that time and I recognised it for that and paid her no heed. Grandchildren can really exacerbate craziness in select MILs who feel loss of control and probably sadness at loss of fertility.

I've never put a great amount of thought into it - but, if pushed and in a debate about the semantics, I'd agree with your MIL.

If your MIL proactively came out with her comment she's a nob as there's really no need to try and make some kind of point of it. However, if it was just as part of general conversation and the meaning of the term itself was being discussed, fair enough. It's not a wild pov at all.

I'm the same. I don't feel like I 'gave birth' to my c section children but do resonate with the term when thinking about my vaginally birthed baby.

Many people might even say that I didn't give birth to her either, as the forceps pulled her out.

Honestly, it's just the nuances of language and if a mother feels she gave birth via c section, good for her, and if not, well she doesn't (and it doesn't make her 'ignorant' or a CF for having that opinion about her own birth experience).

Was your child born? If so, you gave birth to that child. At my child's birth, he weighed 6lbs, how much did your child weight at their birth? (Not an actual question, just demonstrating how weird it would be if you weren't able to use that term).

I had DS2 by section. There wouldn’t be another time if my MIL had ever said this, because she would never see the baby again until she had apologised. And I am not joking.

It is cruel and disgusting to say that. Any grandparent who says it should face consequences.

I just call it 'getting them out!'

I'm the same. I don't feel like I 'gave birth' to my c section children but do resonate with the term when thinking about my vaginally birthed baby.

But if you didn’t give birth to them, who did? Because either way, your DC had a birth.

I’ve had 2 babies by ELCS because in my mind I didn’t want to give birth (vaginally). Obviously I still had a baby! But I don’t think of it as actively giving birth. Is that weird?? I wouldn’t correct anyone else saying otherwise though because any woman that has had a baby should be entitled to use whatever language she likes to describe her delivery! Sounds like your MIL is really weird and/or trying to get in a not so subtle dig at you OP.

I had an emcs. I've never felt like I gave birth only because I was so ill I had to be completely put under and was handed a baby the next day with zero memory of how she got here. However had I been awake I'd have considered it giving birth. Your baby and you are both here and alive and well. Your mil should shut up with her nonsense.

YANBA