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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To push ds into claiming

560 replies

Lacky301 · 31/05/2024 16:44

Ds has just finished uni and never worked through me and ex dp give him £450 a month between us plus I've always bought him the odd thing and gave a bit extra here and there.
Me and his dad are seperated and his dads just received notification that he will now be charged full council tax as ds has finished uni I'm under strain financially. I've told ds he needs to claim universal credit until he finds a job but he keeps saying I want my results first. Am I wrong in pushing him to claim to take some pressure off me and dp. Fwiw he would get around £370 per month as living at home.

OP posts:
fashionqueen0123 · 04/06/2024 23:26

I think he’s well within his rights to have a bit of time off. Go travelling or whatever before starting work. I’m not sure it’s worth claiming job seekers just yet. Your ex will only be paying the extra 25% so maybe an extra £50 a month but won’t have the uni costs anymore so he won’t be worse off.
If he’s done physio then presumably he’ll be looking for jobs in that area and will come home to do so. I’d let him enjoy his time with his friends and then get to to sign up when he’s home in a few weeks.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 06/06/2024 08:34

velveteens · 04/06/2024 18:57

The constructive advice is for your son to get a job, however temporary/casual, whilst he applies for a more career-based role in his industry. NOT claim benefits so he has money for drinking/socialising/takeaways/hobbies etc over the summer.

As his parent, you shouldn't have needed this spelling out.

The advice wasn’t constructive at all because OP was asking about the job seekers allowance portion of UC which is for job seekers and requires 30hrs/week of job seeking activity.

OP was never suggesting he claim benefits instead of looking for work. She didn’t need it spelling out. You and others have reacted based on jumping to the worst case and wholly wrong conclusion.

Lacky301 · 06/06/2024 12:49

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 06/06/2024 08:34

The advice wasn’t constructive at all because OP was asking about the job seekers allowance portion of UC which is for job seekers and requires 30hrs/week of job seeking activity.

OP was never suggesting he claim benefits instead of looking for work. She didn’t need it spelling out. You and others have reacted based on jumping to the worst case and wholly wrong conclusion.

This

OP posts:
Ohnobackagain · 06/06/2024 13:04

Actually @Lacky301 I don’t think you or Ex should be giving him money if his studies are done, especially if money is tight for either of you. He’s an adult. He should give some thought to how he is going to pay you for his keep if he is going to be with you for long. And of course it is fine to have some downtime initially. He can always get something part time to tide him over and give him a routine. If he’s keen and looking for work I don’t see an issue.

Lacky301 · 06/06/2024 13:22

Ohnobackagain · 06/06/2024 13:04

Actually @Lacky301 I don’t think you or Ex should be giving him money if his studies are done, especially if money is tight for either of you. He’s an adult. He should give some thought to how he is going to pay you for his keep if he is going to be with you for long. And of course it is fine to have some downtime initially. He can always get something part time to tide him over and give him a routine. If he’s keen and looking for work I don’t see an issue.

That's his plan tbh

OP posts:
Silvers11 · 06/06/2024 14:31

@Lacky301 I agree with @Ohnobackagain. You have been very supportive while your son was studying for his degree but now your son has finished university, and as you are both now struggling, contributions from you and his Dad should stop and you need to just tell him that. It'll be up to him how he finances himself now.

I would give him some 'notice' that after x date, your financial support will have to end and leave it up to him to decide how he is going to financially support himself, while he tries to get a job in his chosen career, because that may take a while.

I suspect, when he says that he wants to stay where he is for another few weeks he simply isn't aware that you and his Dad will now be struggling to financially support him and won't even have given that any thought to that part of things at all. It doesn't make him 'bad' or 'lazy' - but like many young people, having been supported up until now, realities of what it means to support yourself fully as an adult, can take time to fully comprehend and can come as a bit of a shock

YWNBU to tell him you can't afford to keep subsidising him now and he'll have to decide how he wants to get some income. You have had a bad time on here, and it doesn't help to be so strongly criticised when you have asked for advice, but I do think both he and to certain extent you, are being a bit naïve how long it may very well take him to find a job in the field he wants and you are absolutely right to want him to start to stand on his own 2 feet financially.

Lacky301 · 06/06/2024 15:51

Silvers11 · 06/06/2024 14:31

@Lacky301 I agree with @Ohnobackagain. You have been very supportive while your son was studying for his degree but now your son has finished university, and as you are both now struggling, contributions from you and his Dad should stop and you need to just tell him that. It'll be up to him how he finances himself now.

I would give him some 'notice' that after x date, your financial support will have to end and leave it up to him to decide how he is going to financially support himself, while he tries to get a job in his chosen career, because that may take a while.

I suspect, when he says that he wants to stay where he is for another few weeks he simply isn't aware that you and his Dad will now be struggling to financially support him and won't even have given that any thought to that part of things at all. It doesn't make him 'bad' or 'lazy' - but like many young people, having been supported up until now, realities of what it means to support yourself fully as an adult, can take time to fully comprehend and can come as a bit of a shock

YWNBU to tell him you can't afford to keep subsidising him now and he'll have to decide how he wants to get some income. You have had a bad time on here, and it doesn't help to be so strongly criticised when you have asked for advice, but I do think both he and to certain extent you, are being a bit naïve how long it may very well take him to find a job in the field he wants and you are absolutely right to want him to start to stand on his own 2 feet financially.

Thank you

OP posts:
Sharptonguedwoman · 09/06/2024 09:20

Byronada · 31/05/2024 17:05

No wonder this country is in a mess. People thinking that those perfectly capable of working should just be given benefits. It's an absolute joke and mugs like me are paying for it.

Bit harsh. Just because someone is capable of working, doesn't mean there are jobs available nearby. I worked all uni holidays as a student but it might not be so easy now.
Just to be clear, I wouldn't be giving him money either.

velveteens · 09/06/2024 21:40

Jobs are available. Believe me. I run a restaurant/bar and we are desperate for staff, however casual. £11.75 an hour plus tips. Work is there.

TheSquareMile · 10/06/2024 00:02

@Lacky301

If he's looking for work until the autumn, OP, I noticed this job vacancy the other day. It might be something which would suit him.

It's in a wonderful place and somewhere I think he would like.

https://www.tresco.co.uk/work-on-tresco/kitchen-porters-tresco-island

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